


Lee Taemin Superstar

by HanabiPC



Category: SHINee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:14:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 75,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24270406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HanabiPC/pseuds/HanabiPC
Summary: Lee Taemin is a certified star and there is no stopping the young celebrity’s career from soaring even higher. As he is slated to go on an international tour, he must conquer language barriers.Kim Kibum is then hired by SME to serve as Taemin’s interpreter & English tutor for his 6-month concert/promotional tour.As their worlds collide, Taemin realizes that while he is successful professionally, his personal life is somewhat empty.(Main: Taekey / Side: Jongyu)
Relationships: Kim Jonghyun/Lee Jinki | Onew, Kim Kibum | Key/Lee Taemin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	1. 1 SIRIUS

1 SIRIUS

It’s one of those days when Taemin wishes he was a regular guy and not Lee Taemin the King of KPop. He just wanted this day to be his— to not have anyone contact him out of any kind of need or demand for him. A day he could be alone with his thoughts, to hear sounds only he would induce, and to move his body according to what he would only personally necessitate, which is to lounge lazily around in his bedroom in the most relaxing positions he could get into.

Most of the time Taemin feels he is not his own person. On one hand he is SME’s biggest star and therefore the most hard-working. On the other, he is the son raised to exceed and not just meet the expectations of his ambitious parents. Taemin feels beholden to SME for his success and he intends to stay loyal to his agency, which happens to be South Korea’s most prestigious talent company in the entertainment industry. But in his frequent haggard state after performances or any work-related activity, Taemin feels like he merely exists as a giant cash cow to the people who controls his life.

But today is not one for personal reflection, Taemin realizes. He just got off a meeting with SME executives, and how he would go about his life for the next six months is already mapped out for him by these people— he would be travelling across the globe for a concert series and various television appearances. With only a month to go, he must quickly go through all the necessary preparations for his world tour. SME deems it vital for Taemin, who is fluent in Korean and Japanese, to seek the assistance of an interpreter who can also double as an English tutor since Taemin is making waves in the international music scene. This is an endeavor he is excited about. Apart from singing and dancing, Taemin welcomes the idea of enriching his mind by becoming multilingual. Besides, he loves traveling and it is his dream to be able to travel around the world without the aid of anybody in his employ. And Taemin loves western television and cinema. How thrilling it must be, he thinks, to confidently recite lines from his favorite American TV shows and movies.

It is easy to look at Taemin’s life on a grand scale since his success can instantly be measured. But no one really sees that he craves a life that consists of trivial pursuits, youthful fun, and simple joys. It is perhaps because no one has really gotten to know who the real Lee Taemin is outside the sphere of entertainment royalty.


	2. 2 KEY OF NEW YORK

2 KEY OF NEW YORK

_Duped, divorced, and deported_. Kibum looks at his mother, Kim Heekyung, and tries to find humor in the fact that his literary background had produced this alliteration in his head. But he couldn’t find any because he feels extremely sorry for his umma. And this is also why, even if he was suddenly evicted from his New York world and hurled into Seoul, he couldn’t afford to wallow in self-pity because his mother is a wreck and her sanity is hanging by a thread.

Kibum’s American stepfather was dragged into an investment scam and ended up in jail— a sordid affair that Kibum doesn’t want to dwell on anymore. His umma only has him now and he must set aside all ugly emotions so they can start anew in Seoul. And the first order of business is to find a job. It wasn’t going to be easy since Kibum just graduated with a degree in English literature; he has zero job experience. Before “life served him shit”—as how he describes it to his best friend Jinki— he had planned on pursuing an MFA writing program in Columbia Unviersity and getting a teaching job while writing screenplays and poetry on the side. He realized how impractical he was in his choice of a college course as he rounds up his employment options now. He suddenly misses the days when he basked in whimsical planning with his American boyfriend Ezra, who indulges him because the latter himself is an artist. Kibum’s boyfriend of two years is a musician/writer. At the mention of Ezra’s “profession”, Jinki gets excited because he is dating a musician/songwriter named Jonghyun.

After several months of dealing with humiliation and heartaches, Kibum finds comfort in the presence of his ever-optimistic best friend Jinki. He and Jinki are childhood friends. They were inseparable until Kibum moved to America when they were in fifth grade. They stayed in touch through the years so reuniting as adults didn’t turn out to be awkward. Besides, Jinki is practically the only friend Kibum has in Korea.

“Oh my god, Key! I think I might be able to help you!” Jinki exclaims with glee while shutting close Kibum’s laptop, which is displaying the zero results of the latter’s job search. “Jjong just told me earlier that they’re looking for an English tutor and interpreter for Taemin. He’s going on a world tour next month! I can ask Jjong to refer you to SME!”

Jinki’s beau, Jonghyun, is a voice teacher/vocal coach and songwriter at SM Entertainment. His gift in singing is so remarkable that he could’ve easily become a music icon himself. But Jonghyun is more of an artist and he resents the idea of “selling out” and becoming a celebrity.

“Who is Taemin?” Kibum’s question earns a startled look from Jinki.

“Key, he is the country’s top idol right now. How is it possible that you’ve never heard of him? Even Chloe Moretz knows him.”

“Jinki, I don’t listen to Kpop.” 


	3. 3 HELLO

3 HELLO

Kibum couldn’t thank Jinki enough for the job prospect, especially that it also earned him another friend in the person of Jonghyun. The three of them had started hanging out and Kibum believes that Jonghyun and his best friend are a perfect match, if such even exists.

For the first time in quite a while, Kibum feels that luck is on his side. Just a couple of weeks after his unwilled return to Seoul, he is shaking hands with SME’s top management after an hour-long meeting and signing a six-month contract as their most coveted star’s interpreter and English tutor. The schedule is going to be hectic but the pay is pretty high. Kibum knows he would now be able to afford professional help for his umma.

As he takes the elevator, an upbeat song is playing inside- “Baby, you are my lucky star…”

Kibum smiles at the coincidence. He has not met this Taemin boy, but he thinks he has found the song for him. Well, he’ll just have to scrap the “Baby” part.

Back at home, Kibum goes over the contract and its attachments, which contain the terms of agreement. He felt a little sorry for this Taemin fellow. If Kibum is required to follow these rules, he can only imagine the rigid terms the boy must comply with. Kibum thinks it is also sad that, in spite of the fact that it is Taemin who would actually be spending six months with him, the boy had no say at all in hiring him. Kibum expected Taemin to be present in the meeting, but he found out upon arriving at the conference room that Taemin wasn’t even invited to it at all. So it was uncomfortable for Kibum to hear Taemin’s name thrown around the room for the entire duration of the meeting. As Kibum’s imagination is often attuned to his passion for literature, he started seeing the executives around him as gods convening in Mount Olympus, deciding on the fate of a mortal Taemin for the next six months. Kibum must be one of the lesser gods then or a demi-god, since he has been tasked to somehow look after the mortal.

\---

This scene out of Greek mythology stuck to Kibum until he finally meets Taemin face to face, although he quickly realizes that he had been wrong in casting the boy as a mortal and not a god. Kibum is thankful he managed to keep his mouth shut as his mind screamed “Oh god!” when Taemin walked into the meeting hall.

“Hello. I’m Lee Taemin.”


	4. 4 DAZZLING BOY

4 DAZZLING BOY

_(POV: Kibum)_

Prior to my first meeting with Taemin, I had a week to pore over everything the internet has on him. Within that short span of time, I understood why Taemin is called the King of Kpop. He sets every stage he graces on fire. He’s a prodigy whose movements are hypnotizing. But more than his skills and technique, it’s his unbridled passion that sets him apart from the other great dancers. As for his voice, it is captivating; it is soft but it holds power, with a vibrato that ghosts over and glides into the ears. But what haunts me most is his stage face, which is an unbelievably sexy sight to behold.

At the end of my research and immersion—courtesy of YouTube mostly—for the purpose of preparing for my professional duties to Taemin, I have realized that I truly like Lee Taemin the singer-dancer. Again, I thanked my lucky stars because I can finally discard the dreadful thought of lending my linguistic talent and love for words to someone whom I may not end up admiring, or respecting at least.

No matter what character Taemin possesses—something I’m not too optimistic about because he shot to fame at a very early age—at least I can already vouch for his credibility as a music icon and therefore I can commit to doing my job well. I will help him break through further in the international scene because he is simply a brilliant artist.

\---

Living in America for seven years has significantly affected my taste in men. My eyes and palette had been set to a singular standard of beauty— Caucasian. All this time I was convinced that I can only be strongly attracted to American boys. That conviction crumbled at the foot of Lee Taemin.

I’ve taken in his good looks via the gazillion online videos I’ve seen, but he is even more attractive in person because his beauty has many facets— while he is fiercely sexy and self-assured when performing, he is bashful, dorky, and childlike in person. All these qualities give him a multi-dimensional beauty that I may not grow accustomed to in six months. I pray my lungs can survive tremendous pressure for that long because I haven’t been able to breathe easy since Taemin walked into the room.


	5. 5 ALIVE

5 ALIVE

_(POV: Taemin)_

It was time for me to meet my interpreter & English tutor for the world tour. Knowing how the management sees me, this guy is expected to be one of my “babysitters”. I’m thankful that Jonghyun-hung is one of my managers now. After writing a couple of songs for my albums and handling my vocal training, he became a good friend. Imagine my relief when SM assigned Jjong-hyung to oversee my tour. If the interpreter dude turns out to be unbearable, Jjong will be my savior.

When I stepped inside the meeting room, I saw another idol. A rookie perhaps, since I haven’t see him anywhere. I assumed we will be sharing the interpreter/tutor (yup, SM doesn’t exempt their bankable artists from budget cuts), so I approached him and extended my hand. It’s an appropriate gesture, even if I cannot tell his age, because I am obviously the senior between us, business-wise.

“Hello. I’m Lee Taemin.”

“Hi. I’m Kim Kibum. You can call me Key. It’s nice to meet you, Taemin.”

Since I’ve been in the spotlight long before I hit puberty, I’ve never experienced being star-struck. But looking at this Key guy, I think I no longer have a vague idea of how it feels like. But the funny thing is that he is not even a star. Well, not yet, if he’s here to be groomed as one.

I know that most of us on this side of the world have milky white skin, but Key’s is luminous. It seems like his skin is trapping the sunlight pouring in from the glass wall. His eyes are very Asian like everyone else’s in the room, but his gaze has a piercing effect. And while his eyes are the sexiest pair I’ve ever looked into, his smile is the sweetest. When his lips are not stretched to reveal a nice wide set of pearly whites, they are puckered in their heart-shaped glory. And that bone structure… it makes him look both feline and foxy.

I’m often surrounded by attractive people, so looks do not hold any command over my attention or mood. My best friend Kai and our other friends in the business even tease me about being asexual off-stage because I seem to exhaust all my sexuality when I’m performing my songs that nothing is left for any other situation.

But looking at Key right now triggers the same feeling I get when I’m about to perform on stage… the feeling of coming to life… a growing anticipation that in a few seconds will turn into an affirmation that I am alive.


	6. 6 BOYS MEET U

6 BOYS MEET U

_(POV: Jonghyun)_

I’ve been a friend of Taemin’s for over a couple of years now and I’ve recently grown close to Key because of my boyfriend Jinki. And since I’ve come to know them both pretty well, I realized that Taemin and Key went out of character when they met each other for the first time. It seemed like they lost themselves during that moment. It was surreal watching a world-famous Kpop idol and a confident & intelligent Korean-American lose their bearing in the other’s presence. If they both weren’t so good-looking, they’d look like a couple of clownish idiots staring at each while their smiles repeatedly retreat from and return to their faces.

It was obvious that it didn’t register in Taemin’s head right away that Key is his new interpreter. He looked confused but utterly pleased. As their professional relations are being explained to him plainly by the SM executive, Taemin is grinning and blinking his eyes all throughout the discussion. Key, on the other hand, looks like an heir whose lawyer is reading to him valuable details of the fortune he is to inherit.

I can now stop worrying that they might not like each other because the last thing I want is to play the role of either an icebreaker or referee in our six-month stay overseas. The question now is if this is going to work in the context of, well, work. We will all find out soon enough.

But considering the instant chemistry I sensed between Taemin and Key, I definitely have to bring Jinki along in this trip to save myself from being the third wheel, from dealing with drama all by myself should it arise, and from feeling cold at night in the event that the air around us becomes thick with desire.

If these two beauties end up banging with no regard for sound volume, I won’t be the pathetic lonely boy jerking off in the next room. Besides, Jinki and I have great vocals so I’m up for a competition. _Kekeke_


	7. 7 SLEEPLESS NIGHT

7 SLEEPLESS NIGHT

_(Setting: Tokyo)_

Taemin’s world tour kicks off in Japan with a series of concerts in Tokyo and a few shows in Nagoya.

SM booked two rooms at The Peninsula Tokyo: a deluxe suite for Taemin, which he will be sharing with his manager-in-charge, Jonghyun, and a standard room for Kibum. Taemin’s entourage is actually booked in a serviced apartment in Ginza but Taemin convinced the management, with Jjong’s help, that he needs his interpreter close by since they will be squeezing in tutorials and lessons between Taemin’s rest periods at the hotel.

And how can SM say no to Taemin when his concerts have been sold out in less than twenty-four hours upon the opening of ticketing period?

The truth is that Taemin shudders at the thought that the elegant Kibum will be thrown into an accommodation less superior than his. There’s something about Kibum that compels Taemin to believe that he deserves the finer things in life.

He recalls their first meeting wherein he mistook Kibum for an idol. Taemin didn’t think that anyone outside the entertainment industry wears leather pants. And Kibum even wore his with a burgundy satin bomber jacket and pointy boots.

Taemin likes to look nice as he is a celebrity after all, but without the aid of a stylist, he wouldn’t have any clue what to wear to make him look the part. 

As for Jonghyun’s effort in helping Taemin negotiate the hotel arrangements, he has ulterior motives for doing so— Jinki will be staying in Kibum’s room which has twin beds and the suite he shares with Taemin is only a couple of floors up. He will only need to use the stairs to get to the arms of Jinki.

Jjong’s original plan to bring Jinki along out of a lover’s whim had become a necessity when Jinki broke the news to him that he will be fulfilling his mandatory military service at the end of the year. The lovesick musician cannot seem to come to terms with the idea that he will be parting with his blushing new boyfriend this early into the relationship.

It’s just his luck that Taemin surely wouldn’t mind letting Kibum hang out in their suite in case the interpreter needs to be ejected out of the room to give the lovers some privacy.

\---

When Kibum hears the slurping and sucking sounds that can only be associated with oral sex, he realizes it is time to bolt. He appreciates Jjong and Jinki’s attempt at being discreet by staying under the duvet and muffling their moans and giggles, but it only takes about ten minutes for passion to win over discretion. And even if Kibum can drown the noise with music through his earphones, he cannot let his first night in Tokyo be etched in his memory as the night he spent in a room with a couple fucking on the bed parallel to his.

Kibum contemplates on going to the hotel’s bar but it doesn’t seem like a good idea for his first night on a business trip. And since he cannot leave the hotel when his “pupil” is in (as stipulated in his contract), he embraces his only other option and sends a text message to Taemin:

Kibum: _Are you up for a lesson tonight? Just in case you’ve no plans of going to bed early._

Kibum hears a whispered “Who’s your daddy?” and decides that he cannot wait for Taemin’s reply anymore. He gets up from his bed and grabs his robe. Fortunately, he hears his phone beep as he exits the room.

Taemin: _I’m not up for a lesson but I’m up for one drink. It’s the first night of my tour! Interested in a mini-celebration courtesy of my room’s mini-bar?_

Kibum: _Sounds good, Tae-mini. Be there in a mini-ute. :)_

_So he’s funny too. Damn._ Taemin smiles and stations himself near the door, surprised at his eagerness to welcome Kibum in since he often cherishes his alone time in the room during tours. He realized he failed to conceal his eagerness when he opened the door the second Kibum pressed the buzzer.

“That was fast. Anyway, _hi_. I don’t want to bother you but I have to. My idea of porn viewing is strictly from a laptop and not from across the room. It’s just unfortunate that I didn’t stay long enough to hear Jinki’s answer as to who his daddy is.” Kibum is suddenly grateful to the Jjong-Jinki situation because it appears to be the reason he’s blushing. He isn’t really sure if it’s because of that or the fact that Taemin’s looking really fine in gray cotton sweatpants and a white tank.

Taemin chuckles. “It’s alright, hyung. Please come in. But I regret to inform you that I do not have porn in my laptop.” Kibum throws his head back and laughs quite loudly.

_I actually made him laugh!_ Taemin surprised himself once again because he had been told many times by people how he sorely lacks sense of humor.

Kibum enters, and as he turns around to check out the interiors of the deluxe suite, Taemin cannot help but check him out too. Taemin discovers that Kibum’s ready-for-bedtime look is no less ravishing than his going-out look. His gray flannel robe is untied, revealing a navy blue and maroon stripe pajama bottom paired with a thin cotton white shirt. His black hair isn’t styled so it is tousled in a bedhead look that intensifies Taemin’s need for a drink.

The entertainer is tempted to rush inside the bathroom for a quick check of his own appearance in the mirror.

\---

It didn’t feel like a first conversation; Taemin and Kibum talked for hours on the couch without bothering to check the clock.

By the time Jjong returns to the suite just before sunrise, Kibum already knows everything about Taemin’s beginnings to his rise to stardom, and Taemin knows all about Kibum’s move to America and the harrowing circumstances that led him back to Korea.

Jjong initially suspected that alcohol had a part in getting the two chummy with each other, but he soon finds out that they only had one mini-bottle each: tequila for Taemin and vodka for Kibum.

It turns out that trust developed between the two as easily as attraction did. 


	8. 8 PRESS YOUR NUMBER

8 PRESS YOUR NUMBER

_(Setting: Tokyo)_

With Taemin’s fluency in Japanese, Kibum hardly does any interpreting work during their stay in Tokyo. But determined to be efficient in his job, Kibum wastes no time and creates modules for Taemin to get him started on the basics of English. By the end of the Japan tour, Taemin has wrapped a series of successful shows and mastered many common English expressions.

On their last night in Tokyo, they celebrate at _Peter: the Bar_ , which is in their hotel, The Peninsula. Jonghyun originally wanted them to go to the best club in Ginza, but Kibum convinced him that _Peter_ is the better option because it was designed by interior decorator Yukio Hashimoto, whom Kibum admires, and it has a breathtaking view of the city— brightly-lit skyscrapers on one end and moon-beamed gardens on the other.

Stepping inside the bar, Taemin realizes that Kibum’s taste in practically everything is impeccable. Jonghyun, on the other hand, is delighted because the place has a tastefully sexy vibe. He cannot wait to dance sensually with his Jinki under the pretense of being buzzed from alcohol. He’s also suddenly grateful for the convenience of partying in the hotel itself.

Drinks start flowing… conservative champagne for starters, but they shift to cocktails once they start loosening up. Soon, Jjong and Jinki are dancing dirtier than the dirty martini they’re drinking.

Kibum notices that Taemin is quietly sipping his Tokyo Joe cocktail ( _Peter_ ’s signature drink which has Drambuie, gin, ume liqueur, and cranberry juice) while watching his manager-hyung and Jinki on the dancefloor. Kibum chugs his own Tokyo Joe in one go and approaches Taemin.

“Hey, Superstar. Let’s dance.”

Taemin is surprised but his smile is visible in a second.

“You’re seriously going to make me dance? After doing eight shows in this city?”

Kibum laughs so hard he ends up gripping the railing near their table. His animated gesture catches the attention of the DJ, who quickly sees that Kibum is with Lee Taemin.

As a show of camaraderie and as a tribute to their VIP guest, the DJ plays Taemin’s dance hits.

Taemin didn’t think it was possible for Kibum to laugh any louder. The entertainer then starts laughing himself and gestures Kibum to come closer to hear what he has to say.

“Now there’s no way you can make me dance to my own songs here. Since it’ll feel like work, you’d have to pay me my usual fee.”

Kibum chuckles but nods. “I’ll do the entertaining this time so you can just relax. And yes, I cannot afford to pay you.”

The dancefloor is just a few steps away from their table, so it only took Kibum a couple of strides to get there.

“Press Your Number” has started playing when Kibum turns around, facing Taemin. The entertainer couldn’t believe his eyes when Kibum starts dancing to his song and doing the exact steps as though he choreographed it.

Taemin is so stunned that he didn’t even notice that Jjong and Jinki have joined him on the couch to watch Kibum in action.

What Kibum lacks in technique, he makes up for in grace. His movements are fluid and are complemented by the white silk button-down long-sleeved shirt he’s wearing. He’s a great dancer and, apparently, he has a good memory for dance steps too.

Taemin did not expect Kibum to execute the provocative part in the second verse of “Press Your Number”. So when Kibum did, the entertainer was caught off-guard by a jolting sensation in his body. It didn’t help that Kibum is wearing tattered jeans so when he spread his legs in a low squat to copy Taemin’s steps, the ripped part of his pants exposed a large portion of Kibum’s milky white inner thigh, which he touched in the same way Taemin does in the dance. Taemin has never been so turned on in his life.

Jjong has been looking back and forth at Taemin and Kibum, grinning wildly and clapping his hands.

“Taeminah, your fans should thank Key. Now you know how you make them feel, how you torture them when you do those moves. Oh it’s gonna hurt! Payback boner!”

Jjong gives Taemin’s shoulder a playful shove. Taemin doesn’t retort so Jjong takes it as an acknowledgement that what he just said is true.

The song ends with Taemin making a silent wish that the DJ doesn’t play “Sexuality” next. He wouldn’t know what to do if he sees Kibum humping the floor. 

Fortunately, the DJ plays “Danger”, and after the first chorus, Kibum decides to return to their table.

“Oh wow, that was fun. I haven’t had a good workout in months. Your dance steps are pretty complex, Tae.”

“How do you even know the steps by heart, Key-hyung?”

“Just Key, Tae. You know what they call photographic memory? I kinda have that but more on moves and gestures. It came handy when I did adaptations of musicals for our little theater group in Brooklyn. It’s also why I can easily copy gestures of people.”

“But you aced my choreography, hyung. You can stand in for one of my backup dancers.”

“I watched your videos online as part of my professional research. I happened to like _Press Your Number_ best so the moves stuck to me.” Kibum winks at Taemin. Just when Taemin thought he already had his fill of Kibum’s charm for the day, the guy had to wink.

Taemin was about to make headache an excuse to go back to his room when Jonghyun pulls him aside, away from Kibum and Jinki, and looks into his eyes like a stray puppy under the rain.

“My sweet little dongsaeng, it’s our last night in Tokyo. Please let Kibum sleep in your suite. I want to spend the night with my boyfriend. You know he’s going away soon.”

Taemin sighs but nods his head. As Jjong crushes his body in a bear hug, Taemin curses Bruno Mars for coming up with “Press Your Number”.


	9. 9 IN MY ROOM

9 IN MY ROOM

_(POV: Taemin)_

I have mixed feelings about tonight’s sleeping arrangements. But seeing how Jinki’s impending army enlistment is affecting Jonghyun-hyung, I realized I should be expecting these requests all throughout the tour. And that is going to be a problem.

It’s not that I don’t like to be roomed with Key. But after watching him dance earlier, I cannot deny it to myself that I have the hots for my interpreter.

This world tour is the most important period in my career, and we’ve only just started for me to be getting distracted. I need to be in the best condition for it in body, soul, and mind. I have developed a level of intimacy with my fans that my authentic self is shown when I perform. I cannot afford distractions that are potentially destructive.

If I am overthinking this, it is with good reason. Acting on this growing desire will lead to results that are more threatening than promising. So one thing is clear: I cannot screw things up.

_At least I have a clear goal. I just need to be consistently level-headed._ I say this aloud while pacing my room, waiting for Key. Wait, what am I doing? This is not being level-headed. I decide to stop pacing around and get ready for bed.

I take a shower, brush my teeth, and put on the usual sweatpants and cotton tee I wear to sleep. I lie down on my bed and start eyeing the empty one parallel to mine.

_Key is lying on his side and looking at me with his sexy cat eyes. His right arm is angled to support his head, his hand cupping his jaw. How can someone look so desirable doing nothing but reclining? In a few seconds, Key stops ‘doing nothing’ and uses his free hand to carelessly push back the robe from his left shoulder, allowing it to fall off and expose his naked torso. Not taking his eyes off me, he starts caressing his bare chest, but when he moves his hand downwards and slides it inside his maroon pajama pants, he closes his eyes. Key’s pajama bottoms are made of satin, so I can actually see the movements of Key’s hand as he strokes his own member. Saliva has built up in my throat so I gulp, feeling a movement—a twitching, to be exact—in my own pants. I am starting to feel pain but I can’t stop watching Key as he pleasures himself. Do I touch myself too? My cock is begging for it._

The sound of the door buzzer snaps me out of my imagination. Unfortunately, it does nothing to my erection, which is pushing against my sweatpants, as if wanting to welcome Key into the suite. I grabbed my towel to use it as a cover for my crotch and proceeded to unbolt the door.

“Hey there. It’s your uninvited guest. I’m sorry about this, Taemin.” Key pouts but lets his eyes smile.

“Hey, it isn’t your fault. And I don’t mind, really. Jjong-hyung snores as powerfully as he sings. Maybe I’ll sleep better with you in the room instead of him.” 

I look at him from head to toe, relieved that he’s wearing a navy blue cotton pajama set, printed with little nautical symbols, mostly anchors. If he had been wearing satin maroon pajamas, I might’ve fainted on the spot. 

  
I gestured for Key to come in and I pointed at Jjong’s bed. As he moves gracefully around the room, putting down his small bag of essentials on the bedside table and sitting down on the bed after carefully removing his bedroom slippers so that they’ll be positioned side by side, I felt guilty for fantasizing about him. He may be oozing with sex appeal but he’s also very elegant, and he seems to be _put-together_ all the time. It doesn’t seem right to be thinking dirty thoughts about him.

But my guilt is short-lived. When Key lies down and stretches his arms over his head to relax his tired muscles, his pajama top rides up and reveals his smooth lower abdomen.

It’s going to be a long night.

\---

A couple of hours later, amidst my tossing and turning, I saw Key get up to go to the bathroom. In a matter of seconds, I hear the sound of gushing pee, creating a mental image of its source: Key’s dick.

I come to my senses as soon as I hear the toilet flushing. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_

I felt more like a pervert and undeserving of the company of this decent man when I hear Key wash his hands before exiting the bathroom.

“Still awake, Taemin?” I had forgotten that it isn’t exactly dark inside the suite even if the lights are off because the curtains are drawn. He must have seen my eyes wide open on his way back to bed.

“Ah, yes. I have a terrible headache. It hurts a lot so I can’t sleep.” It is not what has kept me awake, but it’s true that my head has started throbbing painfully.

Suddenly, there is light from the night lamp on Key’s bedside table. He is rummaging through his travel pouch. Then he retrieves a small round plastic tub and scurries over to sit on the side of my bed.

“I swear this will do wonders. It’s a balm, but don’t worry, it doesn’t smell like the usual liniment old people use. It’s organic… lemon ginger scent. Just stay still, okay?”

I nod. Key uncaps the tub and dips two long fingers in it, moving them in circles inside the small tub. My mind starts messing with me again, and when it does, my body is quick to respond.

When Key sees he has enough balm on his fingers, he rubs it over my forehead and starts massaging, concentrating on the temples. Thankfully, it relaxes me enough to prevent a full-blown erection. Still, I pull the blanket to create messy folds that will conceal my crotch. _Seriously, will I be doing a lot of ‘cover-up’ around Key?_

“Does your head still hurt?” The concern on Key’s face looks so genuine that I want to lift myself up and kiss him tenderly.

“Not as much as it did earlier.”

“Okay, I’m going to do something that will seem weird at first, but it’s going to help you feel better, I promise.”

At this point, Key can propose to rub me with cow dung and I’ll say yes. I smile and nod at him.

Key moves closer and runs the fingers of both his hands through my hair. For a second I thought foreplay has commenced… until he grabs a fistful of my hair and starts pulling at it gently, moving his hands in circular motions. The unconventional head massage is actually soothing. I would’ve easily fallen asleep had it not been an act so sensual to me that I’ve started imagining all sorts of scenarios wherein Key is pulling my hair.

I noticed that Key had closed his eyes. I teased myself with the thought that he could be imagining a different hair-pulling encounter between us. But when he fell forward on my chest and immediately pulled himself back up, I realized he just dozed off.

“Oh, I’m sorry! At least I know now that I cannot pursue a career as a masseur since giving massages relaxes me to the point of falling asleep.” Key chuckles and then yawns.

Why is he always so refined and then sexy and then funny and then-- _Stop, Taemin_. Key’s sleepy and probably tired too.

“I feel so much better now. Thank you, hyung. Please get some rest now. Gomawo. Sweet dreams.”

On our last night in Tokyo, I had the best sleep since the tour started. 

And I’ve graduated from having the hots for Key to feeling warmth for him.

\---

As expected, Key and I are seated together in the plane because Jjong-hyung traded seats with him.

It was also clear at this point that we will be practically sharing my suite for the rest of the tour because there is no peeling the romantic Kim Jonghyun from his sweetheart.

In spite of my “goal” not to screw things up by screwing Key, I hate to admit that this arrangement is making me see the world tour in a different light. It’s more than just work or a career milestone or an opportunity to perform for and spend time with international fans— it’s beginning to look like a great adventure, and I am absolutely thrilled.

I am flying. Literally and figuratively.


	10. 10 PRETTY BOY

10 PRETTY BOY

_(Setting: Singapore)_

Taemin’s first gig in the city is actually an SM Town event, which gathers many popular SM artists.

After which he is scheduled for two solo concerts as part of his tour. Three events in a weeklong stay in Singapore is tantamount to a little free time for Taemin and his entourage. 

The early call-time for the SM artists gives Taemin just enough time to check in the hotel and get ready for the show. While getting his hair and makeup done, Jonghyun informs Taemin that there are last-minute changes in the song lineup. Taemin is supposed to perform two songs, “Danger” and “Drip Drop”. It’s been decided, however, that he will also perform “Pretty Boy”, which is a duet with EXO’s Kai.

“Taeminah, it’s been a while since you last performed Pretty Boy so you’ll need a run-through. Problem is EXO’s running late so you might not have time to rehearse with Kai. Let’s just practice together, but I need to take care of some things first… well, manager stuff. Anyway, practice on your own for now. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Kibum, please hold onto the lyrics sheet.”

Jonghyun was gone before Taemin could even react. The entertainer glances nervously at Kibum.

“I can’t rehearse this without anyone covering Kai’s part. It’s the only way I could recall all my vocal nuances aside from the singing parts. Jinki-hyung, manager told me you got great vocals. Could you possibly be familiar with the song?”

Jinki smiles below his bunny cheeks. “If you’re asking me to rap with you, you might as well ask Lee Sooman to dance with you.”

“I’ll do it.” Kibum pulls out his iPod from his bag and starts disentangling the cord of his earphones.

“I know the song a little and I have the lyrics here. Just give me twenty minutes to go over it.”

Taemin and Jinki look at Kibum as if he just said he’s moving to North Korea.

“What? I want to be useful! And have you forgotten that I work for you, Taemin? Twenty minutes. I’ll just be at the garden outside.”

\---

Jinki plugs the speaker into Jonghyun’s laptop and puts the track on cue. “Okay, Taemin. You’re up first. Key, you know when to go in.”

Since he’s already aware that Kibum is a good dancer, Taemin isn’t surprised when the interpreter’s body starts moving along with the beat the second the song played. Taemin then lets his stage spirit inside him and starts singing the verse.

Seeing Taemin in his element excites Kibum like no other. But this is more thrilling since it feels like performing with the superstar, albeit backstage. Kibum tells himself that he will do his best in their rehearsal so that Taemin will nail the performance. 

However, Kibum ends up disrupting Taemin’s performance-mode practice when he starts rapping.

Eyes closed, Kibum doesn’t see Taemin stopping completely and staring at him with wide eyes. Not until it’s time for Taemin to sing and Kibum only hears the audio track.

Jinki interrupts them. “Uhm, Taemin? Sorry, guys, I’m stopping this. Let’s start from the top, shall we? Taemin, are you ready?”

Taemin seems to snap out from a trance. “Hyung! Wow, you can rap!”

Kibum blushes. “Oh come on, Taemin. It’s just like reciting the lines over music. Anyone can do it.”

“I can’t.” Jinki exclaims, his voice sounded like he’s smiling but Kibum sees that his face is serious.

“Well, I’m sorry I stopped. You caught me by surprise, hyung! Anyway, let’s continue. I’m ready, Jinki-hyung.”

On their third try, Taemin and Kibum perfected the song. Jonghyun walks in right in the middle, mouth open wide and looking at them, including Jinki, with all the excitement his face can produce.

He couldn’t help clapping and whistling when the song ended.

“What on earth just happened here?! Damn, that was good! You sounded good together!”

“Taemin’s great, as usual. And the song’s just really nice, Jjong.” Kibum says shyly.

“Why, thank you, Key! I wrote it.”

“Oh! I didn’t know that! You did a wonderful job, Jjong.”

“And so did you, Key! Well, Taemin, turns out you aren’t doomed if EXO doesn’t make it here on time. Key nailed the rap and even the background vocals.”

“Key-hyung, let’s do a couple more as soon as EXO arrives. I want to annoy Kai so bad!”

“And that is Taemin indirectly complimenting you, Key.” Jonghyun winks at Kibum.

Jinki, infected by his boyfriend’s enthusiasm, says, “Well, everyone in our school called him the Almighty Kibum.” 

“Stop it, guys. I’ll be so over-confident that I might march up the stage later.” Kibum chuckles.

“You actually can, hyung. You’re idol material.”

It is Taemin’s compliment that finally burns Kibum’s cheeks, so he ducks and pretends to be searching for something inside his bag before the boy can spot his fiery blush.

\---

Just as Taemin had hoped, Kai arrives while he was in the middle of practicing with Kibum.

Confusion is evident in Kai’s face for the first few minutes, especially when Taemin looks at Kibum and gestures with his hand that they keep going. But before the song even ends, Kai looks like he is ready to cheer for his friend and the attractive stranger who is doing his own parts in the song like a pro. _Who is this guy?_

“Hey, man. Sorry I had to rehearse without you. We’re pressed for time. By the way, this is Key. Key, this is my best buddy, Kai of EXO.”

"Hi. I’m sorry I took over. I just wanted to help Taemin.” Kibum flashes an apologetic but sweet smile.

Kai looks back and forth at Taemin and Kibum, looking genuinely curious about their connection to each other.

“Hi, Key. Are you a new friend of Taemin’s?”

“I work for him. For SM, technically, but yeah, Taemin is the boss of me. I’m his English tutor and interpreter for the tour.” Kibum chuckles.

As Taemin gets ready to rub in Kai’s face that Kibum is good enough to replace him in the song, he notices that Kai quickly turns from looking puzzled to looking pleased. Too pleased. Kai’s stance relaxes in an instant and he leaves Taemin’s side to go closer to Kibum.

“Oh! But do you have a background in music? You sing and rap so well. And you seem to move well too.”

“Well, I love music. And I did musicals in small venues in New York. That’s about it for my background.”

Kai continues to chat with Kibum, stirring their conversation towards a “getting-to-know-each-other” flow.

Taemin lets out a sigh of relief when Jonghyun enters the room to tell him they’re on standby and to advise Kai to join EXO in their own dressing room.

Nevertheless, Taemin cannot help but sulk at the thought that his plan had backfired. He wanted to annoy the hell out of Kai; it’s what they constantly do to each other as best friends. He wanted Kai to feel momentary insecurity, since he acts all childish and funny when he’s feeling insecure. But instead, his friend looked like a schoolboy with a crush.

_Nah. Kai was just really impressed. Just like how I feel when rookie idols or fanboys do a great job in mimicking my moves. Everyone at some point will admire Kibum for his skills or traits. That’s just it._

Taemin looks at the mirror and smiles at himself, glad that he managed to comfort himself with those thoughts, since he needs to be focused so he can perform his best.

While one of the staff is retouching Taemin’s hair & makeup, he feels his phone vibrate. It’s a text message from Kai.

Kai: _Bro, exo and some of the suju boys are going to this cool rooftop club called Altitude after the event. You’re coming with us, ayt?_

Taemin finds himself smiling. He’s one hundred percent sure now that he has nothing to worry about, like Kai trying to find Kibum after the event. Why was he worrying in the first place? So what if Kai ends up liking Kibum? But somehow the thought makes Taemin shudder.

He turns his attention back to his phone.

Taemin: _Sorry, bro. Key wants to go to this hotel bar for an art event with cocktails. I’m going with him. With jjong-hyung & his bf jinki too. You guys have fun! Don’t get sehun drunk. You’ll be in trouble with suho again._

Taemin’s pretty excited for the post-event plans. It was Kibum’s idea that they go to Vagabond Hotel tonight and the guy sure is interesting. Besides, Taemin has never been to an art event featuring drag queens as muses. While recalling Kibum’s animated face when he was describing the artworks, Taemin’s phone vibrates again.

Kai: _I’m in! A LOT of them are going to the club anyway. The other sm peeps will be there too. It’s going to be the usual so yeah, count me in! I’ll tell our manager i’m crashing at your suite._

_Did he just invite himself?_

Taemin: _NO! You’re not crashing._

Kai: _Fine! I’m sleeping in our hotel room after our shindig. See you and Key later! :-)))_

_Did he really have to mention Key?_

\---

Like any SM Town international event, it ends with everyone giddy about the show’s success and the reunion of friends and colleagues in an exciting city. It almost always end with a party like no other.

This time, all roads lead to Altitude, a rooftop club on the 63rd floor of Raffles Place that has a 36-degree view of Singapore’s cityscape.

Taemin is about to get inside the van to go to Vagabond with his small group when he hears Kai shouting his name.

“Taeminah! Wait! I’m riding with you guys. I don’t know where that hotel is.”

Kai practically scrambles towards him. When Kai gets closer, Taemin notices that he has Super Junior’s Heechul in tow.

“Heechul? What ar—"

“Yah, Taeminah! Kai here said you’re not going with the gang? What kind of a party will that be without SM’s prettiest face?”

“Shut up, Heechul. We’re leaving. Go back to your members before I call Siwon. Let’s go, Kai. Bye, Heechul-hyung.” Taemin makes a mock bow.

“Who said I’d be interested in going with you guys to a-- Who are you?”

Taemin and Kai follow Heechul’s gaze. All three of them are now looking at Kibum, who was just about to go to the front passenger seat when he was stopped in his tracks by Heechul’s question, which the latter said aloud & quite theatrically.

Heechul took his time looking at Kibum from head to foot and back. Kibum is wearing a pair of black form-fitting trousers and a band shirt with cut-off sleeves. He is carrying an envelope clutch in one hand and a gold leather jacket in the other.

“Hi, I’m K--"

Taemin grabs Kibum’s shoulders before he could finish his sentence and pushes him lightly inside the van.

“I repeat... bye, Heechul-hyung.”

Taemin’s smirk while closing the van’s door vanishes in an instant when he sees Heechul run to the other side of the vehicle and hops on the front seat.

First, it was Kai. Now Heechul. Why don’t he just bring Kibum to Altitude and have all the SM artists gather around him like a pack of wolves before raw meat?

Taemin is seething in the backseat, consumed by a feeling he cannot quite explain.


	11. 11 PUNCH DRUNK LOVE

11 PUNCH DRUNK LOVE

_(Setting: Singapore)_

The interiors of the lounge bar of Vagabond Hotel are mostly a kind of red that screams desire. There is no subtlety in its intention to project a sexy vibe. And it is with regret that Taemin notes how the place is perfect for seduction, which is what Kai and Heechul are engaging in right now, the older idol being more explicit in his motives the more he drinks.

It is a small mercy that Kai’s weapon of choice is charm. At least Taemin can be sure that his best friend wouldn’t be jumping Kibum at any point tonight. But Heechul is another story, as his weapon is boldness, no, brazenness. It seems to Taemin that Heechul’s mission that night is to find ways to touch Kibum. In everything he says and does, Heechul manages to make skin contact with the interpreter. Witnessing this makes Taemin’s own skin crawl.

Although he had no intention to drink, Taemin realizes he needs alcohol to calm his nerves before he pokes Kai’s eyes with the straw in his drink to keep him from flashing googly eyes at Kibum and before he pounds Heechul’s hand with the heavy-looking wooden elephant table centerpiece to make him stop touching Kibum.

Had Jonghyun and Jinki stayed longer, Taemin would’ve asked his Jjong-hyung to call Leeteuk to collect the drunk-faced Heechul. But Taemin could’t really blame his manager for leaving early— he was with Jinki after all, and the place just happens to set the mood for something more exhilarating than drinking and partying.

Now on his thirteenth glass of hard liquor, Heechul moves closer to Kibum and throws his arm around the latter as he engages Kibum in a conversation about the sex lives of idols.

Out of courtesy, Kibum initially feigns interest until Heechul’s stories spark actual interest in him because Kibum begins wondering if Taemin is also promiscuous like the other idols. Kibums finds himself wishing that Taemin isn’t the type, glancing at Taemin in the process and realizing that the boy is looking at Heechul with murder in his eyes. _Is he mad at Heechul for exposing the secret lifestyle of idols to me?_

Taemin, on the other hand, is contemplating on pushing Heechul away from Kibum, who is seated between him and the older idol. But Kibum seems too engrossed in Heechul’s titillating tales of idols behind closed doors.

When Taemin sees Heechul’s fingers on Kibum’s shoulder, deliberately going beyond where the cutoff sleeve stops so it is bare skin he is caressing, Taemin’s own fingers tighten around the glass he’s holding. He is about to throw his drink on Heechul’s face when he hears Kibum’s voice interrupt Heechul, who has been the only one yakking the whole time.

“Okay, Heechul, I can pretend to keep listening while you talk casually, but is that your crotch rubbing against my knee?” Kibum has one eyebrow raised while looking at Heechul.

“I’m glad you noticed. God, you’re so gorgeous! Let’s get out of here right now.” Heechul ends his sentence by capturing Kibum’s ear in his mouth, making the latter yelp.

Taemin jumps on his feet and lunges forward to grab Heechul by the collar, but before he could do so, Kai punches Heechul’s face with a force that will either sober him up or make him pass out. Both Taemin and Kibum look at Kai in shock, but they immediately snap out of it when Kai grabs Kibum by the hand and drags him out of the place.

Taemin curses the alcohol in his veins for delaying his responses. First, Kai got his hands on Heechul before he could. And now his best friend is fleeing with Kibum to conclude the heroic rescue. Taemin runs after them as fast as he could in his drunken state.

Kai has flagged down a taxi and is opening the door for Kibum when Taemin gets to them, panting like a dog.

“What are you doing?” Taemin asks, while grabbing Kibum’s wrist and pulling the interpreter to his side.

“I’m bringing Key back to the hotel.” Kai takes Key’s hand and pulls him away from Taemin.

Taemin takes Key’s other hand. “I’m going back to the hotel with Key. Go back in there and check on Heechul. He’s probably passed out. Call Leeteuk or Suho to come and get you both.”

Kai tugs at Key’s hand that is in his and shows an expression that tells Taemin that he has no plans of yielding.

Key is too confused to understand what the tug-of-war is all about. Nevertheless, he senses distress in Taemin’s voice so he decides to speak up.

“I should head back to the hotel with Taemin. He had a drink too many and he’s my responsibility when Jonghyun’s not around.”

Taemin pats his friend’s shoulder as Kai lets out a deep sigh. Taemin then opens the door of the cab for Kibum.

Before getting in, Kibum turns to Kai. “Thanks for what you did back there, Kai. I won’t forget it.”

And just like that, Kai’s downcast face lights up and he grins like a sugar-high toddler.

It is Taemin’s turn to sigh. He motions for Kibum to get inside the cab.

\---

Inside the cab, the alcohol in Taemin’s system finally catches up with him. He slumps towards Kibum, his head dropping on the latter’s shoulder. It suddenly becomes a struggle to keep his eyes open.

“Taemin, are you okay?”

Taemin hears Kibum and opens his mouth to reply but finds it difficult forming words. In a matter of seconds, Taemin dozes off.

As Kibum adjusts his sitting position to make Taemin more comfortable, the boy mumbles in his drunken slumber. Key gets the answer to his question after all.

“I-I uhmm am no-not o-o-okay. W-why dooooo you ha-have to b-be sooooo irre... irresistable...”


	12. 12 COLORFUL

12 COLORFUL

_(POV: Kibum)_

Lithe as his physique looks, Taemin is surprisingly heavy in his dead weight. I feel like I won an Olympic medal when I finally managed to lay him down on the bed.

I pulled off his jacket and removed his shoes and socks. There was no way on earth that I’d strip an unconscious guy, but Taemin has performed on stage and partied tonight. I couldn’t just let him sleep in his sweat-dried skin and dirty clothes. I’d be mortified to wake up in such a state.

I grabbed a hand towel from the bathroom railing and ran it under warm water to function as a washcloth.

I removed Taemin’s sweater and jeans and wiped every area of his skin that isn’t covered by his boxer shorts. Although the sight of Taemin almost naked and sprawled on the bed looks more delicious than any buffet spread I have ever seen, I allowed decency to prevail; I didn’t lift or fold his legs to avoid seeing his privates through the leg-holes.

Scrubbing on his skin lightly has left a sensual kind of pinkness on his fair skin. Taemin, even passed out, still looks unbelievably great. He has the face of an angel and the body of a swimmer... lean but with the beginnings of buff.

I think I drank beyond my capacity to stay sensible tonight because I suddenly had the urge to cry over how beautiful Taemin is.

When a single tear fell from my eye, I pulled the duvet over him and ran the back of my hand against his cheek. _I cannot be attracted to you this much. I came home to pick up the pieces of my life. I cannot afford to mess up._

I lay down on my own bed. I know I miss New York. I miss literature and the classics. But at this very moment, as I look at Taemin deep in slumber, the Shakespearean sonnets and lines I love and indulge in are suddenly making sense to me on a more personal level.

“Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight, for I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.”

_(A/N: What Kibum recited is a line from Act 1 Scene 5 of William Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet”)_

\---

_(Third Person POV)_

Taemin wakes up grateful that his headache isn’t as bad as he expected. Maybe Kai and Heechul’s shenanigans got the alcohol in his blood stream evaporating with the angry heat he felt. _At least I have those two fools to thank for this mild hangover._

Sitting up, Taemin realizes that he slept in his boxers. _Kibum must have helped me out of my clothes. Damn, I wish I didn’t look stupid when he did._

As Taemin stretches his limbs, he notices that his skin looks and feels clean. He glances at Kibum, who is still sleeping soundly and is looking so radiant that it seems the sun is shining inside their suite.

Taemin sees his watch, wallet, and phone on the bedside table, along with a glass of water and a pack of ibuprofen. He also sees an unfamiliar round object among these. Taemin grabs it and recognizes it as the balm Kibum used to massage his head when he had a headache back in Tokyo. He smiles at the thought that Kibum assumed he’d be dealing with a throbbing head and left it on Taemin’s bedside out of concern.

Taemin stands up and finds his used clothes neatly folded on the couch. As he steps inside the bathroom, he sees a rolled up hand towel and a glass of tap water on a small tray by the sink. Now he knows why his skin is clean.

He has only known Kibum for a short time but Taemin feels that the interpreter has taken care of him more than anyone has ever had in his life.

\---

Kibum and Taemin usually have their English lessons for a couple of hours after breakfast. Today is an exception, since they had to participate in press interviews with selected SM artists at the hotel’s conference hall.

After a long session of sit-down interviews with various media outfits, Jonghyun tells Taemin that he has a few hours of free time before his concert. The sparkle in Taemin’s eyes tells Jonghyun that the entertainer intends to use his free time for something worthwhile.

“Jjong-hyung, can I use our car service for going around a bit? Key mentioned during our flight that he has places he wants to see here in Singapore.”

_So the boy is going to use his free time, which he rarely gets, for Key’s enjoyment. What is this?_ Jonghyun pulls out his phone to call the driver and tell him to be on standby.

“That sounds nice, Taeminah. I’m glad you want to do this for Key. You know, I’m really happy we hired him. Jinki and I were talking about the interviews earlier, and you know what… Key doesn’t just translate your answers. I mean, we’ve worked with several interpreters and that’s all they just do- translation. But Key handles your answers differently. It’s as if he wants it to be you expressing yourself through him. Jinki and I know some English because he loves to read and I’m a lyricist, and we both got the impression that your answers were interpreted by someone who gives your answers a lot of thought. Actually, by someone who gives _you_ a lot of thought.” 

Taemin has heard the phrase “butterflies in the stomach” several times but vaguely had an idea how it feels like. Until now.

\--- 

Kibum is nervous at the thought that Taemin is making him decide on how they will spend their free time. It was essentially the entertainer’s free time, and Kibum knows how valuable it is for a big star like Taemin.

“Hyung, just take us to wherever you want to go. Think of it as your free time in this city and I’m merely tagging along.” Taemin seems to have sensed Kibum’s anxiety.

“But, Taemin--“

“Please, hyung. I honestly have nowhere in particular I want to go to and nothing in particular I want to do. Besides, your interests so far have been interesting to me too.”

Taemin’s face shows nothing but sincerity that it makes Kibum feel giddy. Until the boy’s smile retracts a bit as he continues...

“You’ve lived more than I have, hyung. Maybe you can help me explore the world by just doing it as you would like to but allowing me to ride along.”

Kibum gives the driver instructions and when they get to Tiong Bahru, he takes Taemin’s hand as they walk around the quirky yet calm neighborhood.

Taemin is surprised at the gesture, and this doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Don’t worry, Taemin. No one will recognize you in your cap, sunglasses, and surgical mask. And I’m sure the people will be looking at my orange overalls. It’s a diversion tactic! Nah, actually, my clothes are just flashy.” Kibum laughs but immediately holds it in when he sees that it has caught the attention of some passersby.

Taemin wanted to tell Kibum that it wasn’t the reason he was unnerved for a few seconds. But how can he explain that Kibum’s warm hand wrapped around his sends little bolts of electricity throughout his body?

So he merely nodded and tapped his fingers around Kibum’s grasp to signal that he’s ready for the day’s exploration.

\---

Kibum and Taemin walk around Tiong Bahru, stopping occasionally to go inside homey art studios, craft stores, and quaint bookshops.

They also stop by a hole-in-the-wall eatery called Chen’s where Kibum buys a box of tapioca cakes and two cartons of Bandung (rose milk) which he thinks Taemin will like.

They find a bench nearby. Kibum takes a tapioca cake and lifts it towards Taemin’s mouth. Taemin hesitates before opening his mouth to eat the entire small cake.

“Don’t be shy, Taemin. It’s a bit sticky so I’ll just feed you, okay? No need to get your hand dirty.” Kibum’s smile is so sweet that Taemin is reminded of those “butterflies” once again.

As Kibum tells Taemin how he’d love to live in Tiong Bahru, he asks Taemin afterwards about his dream home. This starts a long conversation about their dream houses and ideal home environment… from what they seriously want to outrageous fantasies that include basement arcades, living room swimming pools, and castles. Their laughter echoes around the quiet neighborhood.

After they’ve eaten all the tapioca cakes, which Kibum happily fed to the bashful Taemin, Kibum cleans his hand with some wipes and offers the same hand to Taemin so he can lead him to their next stop, the Art Blue Studio. 

While Kibum points at the artworks that he likes with animated explanations, Taemin cannot help but marvel at how Kibum’s character exudes the wonderful splash of colors in the paintings. Kibum’s clothes cannot rival his personality in terms of color, Taemin thinks.

“What?” Kibum interrupts Taemin’s thoughts.

“What do you mean _What_?”

‘Well, I’ve been babbling here about this painting and you’re smiling but I’m not sure if you’re actually listening to me.” Kibum playfully punches Taemin’s arm.

“I just… Well, I just realized that an afternoon with you has made my life colorful.”

Considering that he has the gift of gab, Kibum doesn’t know how to respond to this. But he feels a burn making its way to his cheeks, so he grabs Taemin’s hand and quickly starts walking.

“Come on, Taemin, I have something cool to show you.” 

With Taemin now behind him, Kibum allows himself to grin along with the warm blush that has spread on his face.

For their last stop, Kibum takes Taemin to Books Actually. Outside the shop is a book vending machine, which Kibum excitedly shows Taemin. The boy is clearly amused at what he’s seeing, but when Kibum drops Taemin’s hand to touch the machine, Taemin changes his mind about it and decides that it’s just an ordinary vending machine that dispenses books instead of snacks.

Moments later, they head inside the bookshop. Kibum shows Taemin some of his favorite works of fiction and shares bits about the plot storylines and characters.

“Taemin, you said earlier that I have lived more than you have. The truth is, I haven’t really traveled much. New York was my world before I had to go back to Seoul. But you know how I’ve managed to truly live and explore? Through these.” Kibum gestures to the books all around them.”

Kibum sees a spark in Taemin’s eyes that he has never seen before. As if the boy had found new hope.

“You’re right, hyung! I never read books or novels. I only read manga. But you’re right. Books can take me on adventures.”

“And you’ll have different insights and go through various emotions when you relate to the characters. Humor me, Taemin... If you have a time machine that can transport you anywhere, where will you go and what period?”

Taemin knits his brows, giving Kibum’s question a serious thought. _He is killing me with cuteness_ , Kibum thinks.

“Okay, hyung… old London.”

Kibum takes one look around the shop and picks up two books, which he pays for at the counter.

\---

Inside the car, Kibum hands Taemin the shopping bag from Books Actually.

“What’s this, hyung?” Taemin opens the bag and finds two books inside.

“I want to give you your first book, well, books. This one is a collection of Shakespeare’s sonnets and verses. I’ll explain to you some of the passages through the course of our lessons. These works were written during the Elizabethan period. Now this one is a classic novel called _Great Expectations_ by Charles Dickens. It is set in 19th century London. You can read this when you’re already fluent in English.” 

“Wow, hyung. I’ve never been given books before. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Taemin.”

Though aware that he cannot fully enjoy Kibum’s gifts yet, Taemin feels like a child in front of his presents on Christmas morning. He leans close to Kibum and plants a soft peck on the latter’s cheek.

“Thanks again, hyung.”

They both look outside the car windows, on opposite ends, to hide their big smiles and reddened cheeks.

Taemin is secretly telling his butterflies to calm down when his phone beeps in his pocket.

KAI: _Taeminah, I’m watching your concert tonight. Manager Kang allowed me. I didn’t tell the boys because I don’t want them to tag along LOL. Anyway, please send me Key’s number. I’ll text him so we can watch together. Later, man! Fighting for tonight’s show!_


	13. 13 YOUR NUMBER

13 YOUR NUMBER

_(POV - Kibum)_

Thank god Taemin has left with Jonghyun to go to the concert venue for sound check and other pre-show logistics. Since we got back here at the hotel, I’ve been wanting some alone time. The reason? I need to get a grip.

I always knew I would enjoy going around Tiong Bahru. But I didn’t expect that going there with Taemin will make it a grand time for me. A special time.

I just have to salvage my good sense since all I’ve been thinking about is _the kiss_. Ironically, it was just a quick peck on the cheek, but it seems to haunt me more than the first time I experienced passionate kissing. And this causes me to worry. The way I am shaken by such a small, simple act means that the person who committed this act affects me in a non-small, non-simple way.

It was a kiss of gratitude and nothing more. Taemin felt excited and grateful for the gift he didn’t expect to receive, thus the affectionate gesture. That is all there is to it. _Get a grip, Kim Kibum._

Before my crazy side argues against this, I receive a text message. A divine intervention. It’s a text from Kai.

KAI: _Hi Key. Taemin gave me your number--_

See? Taemin gave Kai my number. I am not that dense to miss the signals; I know that Kai is interested in me. And since he and Taemin are best friends, of course Kai has told him about it. And Taemin gave him my number. This is enough to dispel any notion that there is something romantic developing between me and Taemin.

It feels as if a sliver of glass has pierced the flesh of my heart, so I welcome the distraction that is Kim Jongin a.k.a. Kai.

I continued to read his message...

KAI: _I’m watching d concert tonight. I’m going alone so i’m thinking maybe we can watch together?_ :->

The memory of Taemin’s soft lips on my cheek still lingers. It has to stop.

I send my reply:

_Hi Kai. Sounds good. See you later. :)_

\--

It was’t a bad idea at all.

Kai and I talked the whole time we were waiting for the show to start, and I didn’t get bored for a second. Kai is fun and easy to talk to. And it’s apparent that he’s a good person. No wonder he and Taemin are best friends.

He has a sexiness factor too. I was ready to make a mental list of traits that constitute to Kai’s sexiness when the lights suddenly go off... and taking the center stage, under a fiery orange spotlight, is Lee Taemin. In all leather.

\--

_(POV: Taemin)_

Doing what I love best, and in front of my loyal supporters, is always exhilarating for me. But tonight, I just feel an extra dose of glee and energy. And I won’t deny that it has everything to do with my afternoon with Key.

I haven’t been able to gauge Key’s feelings about _the kiss_. I know it’s not supposed to be a big deal because I actually just pecked him on the cheek. But I’d be lying to myself if I say it wasn’t a big deal to me. Still, it would be foolish to assume that Key regards it the same way I do. He grew up in America and I’m aware that people there, especially the young people, are very demonstrative.

Key is probably on _hyung mode_ about it and sees it as an innocent gesture of a little brother who just received a present. Besides, he pretty much takes care of me all the time. These dynamics fill me with a sense of warmth.

But there is a part of me that wants Key to see me differently. And tonight’s show is my chance to make him see me in a different light.

The stage is now in blackout and I take my position in the middle.

I had instructed the venue usher to seat “my interpreter” on the front row, middle. The lights are on the audience so my eyes instantly searched for Key.

And there he is, in a button-down shirt that is unbuttoned halfway down his torso. I can’t wait to give him a dose of the kind of effect he has on me. But why is he smiling so much and nodding and... laughing?

_Key is with Kai._ My best friend. My painfully charming and good-looking best friend. How could I have forgotten that Kai had intended to watch the show with Key?

The title of the opening song annoyingly suits the situation _\- Danger_. Kai is dangerously close to Key. For a second I felt helpless. Until I realized that this is my show. Tonight, I have the power.

_You’re in danger, Kim Kibum._

\--

_(Third Person POV)_

Taemin performs _Danger_ like he never had before. He is set to lock on his target, Kibum, especially that another “hitman” is in his range and much closer in position to the target than Taemin is.

Nevertheless, it is Taemin who gets to fire the shots. As gunshot sounds are actually part of the audio track, Taemin forms his hand into a gun and fires at Kibum. His smokey eyes firing shots as well into Kibum’s heart and pants.

Just when Kibum becomes convinced that his pants have reached its stretching limit, specifically in the crotch area, Taemin goes for the kill and rips his shirt off towards the end of the song. Kibum could only pray that his pants do not rip against the pressure of his hard-on.

Taemin finds Kibum’s eyes on him, and in that moment, the audience, the band, and the backup dancers disappear. Taemin and Kibum are in their own sphere. Eyes on each other, they are gripped with an epiphany— They have been desiring each other since day one.

\--

Kai’s invitation to a night cap has an energy of foreboding for Taemin. But his best friend seems really excited and happy that he immediately squashes his negative thoughts. And it’s been quite some time since the two of them last hung out.

Sitting across Kai, Taemin watches him fidget with his rings and shift in his seat every minute. But these weren’t nervous gestures. Kai’s eyes are sparkling and he cannot seem to stop smiling.

Had the circumstances been different, Taemin would’ve celebrated the idea that Kai looks like he is in love. But if his suspicions are correct regarding the object of Kai’s affection, then Taemin is dreading to hear the confirmation.

“Here’s the thing, Taeminah. Before we order and drink ourselves blind, I’ll tell you what’s this all about in a nutshell. But you have to promise you’ll help me. You’re the only one who can.” Kai’s cheerful tone tells Taemin that his best friend is already convinced that there’s no way Taemin would let him down.

“Anything for you, Jongin.”

Kai’s face lights up even more. “I’ll admit that at first I just wanted to tap that ass. I mean, who wouldn’t want to? He’s hot as hell. But it’s not just about that now. He turns out to be all sorts of wonderful. I want him, dude. I can already picture us as boyfriends and we’re going to be happy.”

Taemin feels a rush of anger overcoming him. No, not at Kai, but at fate. He recalls laughing at the overused storyline in dramas and movies that involves best friends falling for the same person. How silly that is, considering how many people there are in this big, big world.

“You have to help me get Key, Taeminah.”

Suddenly, the world feels small for Taemin.


	14. 14 DANGER

14 DANGER

“Kai, no! Please stop! No! Stop it! Kim Jongin! Stop!”

“Taemin! Hey! Wake up, Taeminah!” Jonghyun grabs the boy by his shoulders and shakes him as hard as he could.

Taemin continues to protest in his sleep for a few more seconds before he finally wakes up. Seeing Jonghyun’s face, he realizes he had only been dreaming and breathes out a sigh of relief.

“Damn, Taemin. You were hysterical. What was Kai doing to you in your dream?”

“Not to me, to Key. But I don’t want to talk about it. It was a nightmare.”

“Let me guess... in your dream, Kai was banging Key.”

Taemin didn’t reply but he crashed his face on a pillow and screamed into it. The sound is muffled but his frustration is apparent.

“I’m screwed, Jjong-hyung. I like Key. Too much. But Kai likes him too.”

“Taemin, who wouldn’t like Key? If I weren’t in love with Jinki, I’d be all over Key like a koala bear.”

“That was helpful, hyung. Thanks.” Taemin rolls his eyes.

“Hey. When did you ever get sarcastic on me?” Jonghyun throws a pillow at Taemin. “Anyway, let’s talk about this later. We’re checking out at noon. Our flight to Dubai is at 2pm.”

“Hyung, why did you sleep here last night? Was it Key who asked you to? Doesn’t he want to be in the same room as me anymore? Is it because I seduced him during the concert? Or is it because of Kai? They’re probably texting each other a lot now.”

“Woah, Taemin… easy on the assumptions. I told Key I have some urgent work-related matters to discuss with you first thing in the morning, so I asked to trade beds with him.”

“Oh. What is it, hyung? Is it so important that I have to wake up seeing your face instead of Key’s?” Taemin’s grin vanishes when Jonghyun smacks his head.

“You should be thanking me, idiot. Hell, you were drunk-texting Key but ended up sending those messages to me. That was a close call, you lucky bastard. It’s a good thing my name in your contact list, I presume, is right before Key’s. Anyway, I made an excuse to Key since I was afraid you’d do or say inappropriate things to him when you get back here. I saved you. Just how much did you and Kai drink? Seriously, Taemin, never get smashed while on tour.”

Taemin fumbles around the bed for his phone until he sees his discarded jeans on the floor and grabs it. He finds his phone inside the pocket and quickly checks his message outbox.

_‘Key plsdont be angrhhy but i klike u soo muuuch u r sogorgeus’_

_‘Key! ddid u liker my DAnger prfornance awhhile aggo? ?itwas all for u..’_

_‘Kai wants u key. wat am i gonnma do huh’_

_‘Keyu if i kiz u wil yu lyk it’_

_‘Keydo u ljke kai.,, if yes i willk respct u two i stay awayy but cry’_

_‘Keybabe i wnt to feeel ur body and drink U.,..’_

_‘When we rap tgegther the prettty boy song i want to put myslf in ur mouthh’_

_‘I thnkn im in loove key but i cant be’_

Taemin’s eyes widen as he goes over every text message he sent. And he sent quite a number.

“That’s right. You go to church and give thanks that those messages were sent to the wrong Kim. My god, Taemin. What the hell’s happening to you? It isn’t just pure talent that made you successful as a solo artist. You’re responsible and level-headed. You’re never careless.”

“I’m sorry, Jjong-hyung. It won’t happen again.“

“But what is it, Taeminah? You know you can tell me anything. I’m not just your manager; I’m your friend. Do you have needs that are getting to you? We can arrange for something casual. We’ve talked about this with the execs, remember? You deserve to have your fun too as long as we’re careful and it’s managed well and we’re sure it’s with someone who’ll keep the bedroom encounter confidential.”

“No, hyung. It’s not an itch that I want scratched. Key is special.”

“Seriously? You were going to tell him _I want to drink you... put myself in your mouth…_ ”

“Hyung, I was drunk okay? But it’s true that I want Key. Although I don’t just want sex.”

Jonghyun sits beside Taemin on his bed and puts his hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“Taeminah, you know you can’t start anything of that sort with somebody you work with. Management will sack Key, you know that. Do you want him to lose his job? It pays well and he has a mother to provide for who’s in an institution.”

“I know that, hyung. But you’re looking too far ahead. We don’t even know how Key feels about me. I know he likes me, but I’m not sure if it’s in a romantic or at least sexual way. Besides, Kai’s pursuing him and he’s a great dude.”

“Am I really looking too far ahead? Isn’t it better to avoid danger than escape it? Why wait until you’re in trouble? And I want to keep Key in your life. The three of us make a great team since he’s efficient but also cares about you. Talent and skills aside, he’s a wonderful person.”

Taemin nods in agreement but his face displays a sadness that tugs at Jonghyun’s heart.

“Know what, I didn’t realize you’re interested in men.” Jonghyun flashes Taemin a sympathetic smile.

“I didn’t know that myself until Key came along.”

Jonghyun gives in to his worries and hugs Taemin.

“Everything will be all right, Taeminah.”

\---

Kibum sighs for the hundredth time and finally gets up from bed to fix himself a cup of coffee.

“Good morning, Key. Well, I wish it is. I didn’t have to wait for the alarm since you’ve been sighing loud enough.” Jinki smiles at him but there is a look of concern in his eyes. “Are you alright, Kibummie?”

“I don’t know, Jinki. I love my job and I’m happy to be spending time with you guys and getting to know Taemin more each day. But that’s the problem, I think. The more I get to know him, the more...”

Kibum walks back to his bed and buries his face in a pillow.

“Why is it a bad thing if you’re falling for Taemin, Key? I like Taemin. He’s an honest to goodness good soul.”

“I can’t fall in love with him, Jinki. I signed a contract that states that I cannot carry on an affair with him. I even signed a non-disclosure agreement pertaining to the stipulations of the contract, so you can’t say a word about this to anyone, Jinki.”

“I’m not surprised, Kibummie. Jjong brought that up the first time we noticed that there’s a growing attraction between you and Taemin. But you deserve to be happy. Especially after everything you’ve gone through. What about that Kai fella? He’s cute and he seems nice. And if he’s Taemin’s best friend, I’m sure he’s a keeper.”

“He’s an idol, Jinki.”

“But you don’t work with him. Perhaps management will allow you two to date secretly. It’s just a matter of considering their terms as far as their dating dynamics go.”

“Jinki, I am not using Kai to move past Taemin and to find romance and happiness. I will have to figure out what my feelings for Taemin are and set limits for myself. Besides, I don’t even know if Taemin has feelings for me. Although I do think he wants me in bed. God, I’ve been thinking a lot about that too! Can you imagine spending nights in the same room with a guy you want to fuck so badly but can’t?”

“Who says you can’t fuck Taemin if it’s what he wants too?”

“It’ll mess me up, Jinki. I know myself. And at this rate, I already need to sort these feelings out. So I need to keep things between us professional or platonic at most if I want to keep my job and somehow build a home and a future for me and umma. I care about Taemin a lot, and I can keep doing that as his friend and associate. I won’t let him jeopardize the career he worked so hard for.”

Jinki could only manage to sigh. Perhaps even louder than the one Kibum had woken him up with.

The whole deal is unbelievably disconcerting for Jinki. Kibum and Taemin have time together but they are required by circumstances to hold back and waste all their time away in the process. Whereas he and Jonghyun have but a little time left together, so they are desperate to make the most of it.

How ironic and painful for them all.

\---

As Taemin’s entourage enters Dubai International Airport, they are caught off-guard by the manic energy at the arrival area. Hordes of fans have gathered to welcome Taemin.

The young superstar is usually happy to be welcomed by his fans outside Korea and Japan, but he has been in many enough tours and shows abroad to sense danger in the form of uncontrollable females. Taemin knew it would be more of a frenzied encounter than a warm welcome.

Often sensitive to Taemin’s facial expressions and body language, especially in public, Kibum sees dread in Taemin’s eyes as they make their way to the airport’s interior gates. Kibum soon finds basis for this fear when he moves his eyes from Taemin to the crowd gathered before them. The shrieks and the cries for Taemin’s attention have become deafening, and worse, the fans are obviously poised to charge at Taemin. True enough, in seconds, they go off in a mad dash.

Kibum throws himself in front of Taemin to use his body as a shield and pulls the latter’s arms around his waist. In spite of the efforts of the guards to protect Taemin, fans have managed to close in on them and have started to reach out with full force for whatever of Taemin they could grab.

Kibum uses all his strength to keep walking while Taemin is attached to his back and hugging his waist as tightly as he can. Kibum has his arms stretched all the way back in a protective backward embrace, ignoring the scratches, shoves, and pulls he meets along the way.

What started out as a terrifying encounter for Taemin slowly dissipates into a blissful moment. He holds onto Kibum in a tight back hug and feels Kibum’s toned tummy and trim waist. He also feels Kibum’s arms over his sides and hands on his hips. Taemin’s face is buried into the back of Kibum’s neck and he allows his lips to subtly press onto the skin above the collar of Kibum’s jacket and takes in his smell. _Kibum smells of fresh linen and light musk_. Taemin’s whole body is squeezed onto Kibum’s backside as they walk all the way to the exit in that manner.

The rest of the world has become a blur. For Taemin, time had stopped and he was waltzing into somewhere with Kibum, who is leading him, protecting him. And Kibum’s scent is a track he could follow to the ends of the earth.

“Taemin, we’re in the clear.”

Kibum’s voice takes Taemin back to reality and that’s when he started hearing the screams again and seeing the frantic movements of people that are blocked by the bodies of the airport security team. But they are within a safe distance from them now. Time has resumed its fast pace as they are quickly ushered out of the airport towards the driveway where their shuttle is waiting.

“Are you alright, Taemin? Are you hurt?” Kibum’s voice falters with concern.

Taemin is suddenly gripped with guilt for basking in “bliss” when he sees a bleeding scratch on the top part of Kibum’s left cheek. He also sees scratch marks on Kibum’s neck.

“I’m alright. You’re the one who’s hurt.” Taemin runs his thumb in circles around the area of the wound on Kibum’s cheek. Kibum sees Taemin’s expression turn from worry to anger.

“Get inside the van, you two. Taemin, paparazzi photos!” Jonghyun’s commanding voice sends Kibum and Taemin climbing inside the van in a second.

\---

Inside the van, Taemin snatches the first aid kit Jinki pulled out from his bag and insists on cleaning Kibum’s scratches and applying the ointment himself. Nevertheless, he followed Jinki’s instructions as he has never treated another person’s wound before.

It’s an hour-long drive going to the hotel. Both Taemin and Kibum are quiet, especially since they weren’t seated together during the flight, upon Jonghyun’s order. It was an indirect advice to them to ponder on things and strengthen their resolve to do what is practical and right.

However, the airport incident has made them both vulnerable— Kibum couldn’t imagine Taemin being hurt by a mob or by anyone for that matter, and would therefore do anything to protect him. Taemin, on the other hand, is touched to the core by Kibum’s heroism and, hopefully, affection.

In spite of their individual conversations with Jonghyun and Jinki that were meant to keep them both in check, Kibum and Taemin are once again on dangerous grounds.

It is Taemin who breaks the reverie...

“Key-hyung, thank you for what you did back there. It means a lot to me.” Taemin grabs Kibum’s hand from the latter’s lap and pulls it down on the small space between them. This act of concealment tells Kibum that Taemin intends to keep holding his hand for the duration of the ride.

Kibum squeezes Taemin’s hand and smiles at the boy. “When I have no words of my own, I sing. Mostly from musicals, which is my great love.”

Taemin rests his head on Kibum’s shoulder. “Let me hear it.”

Kibum leans his head on Taemin’s...

“Nothing’s gonna harm you

Not while I’m around...”

(A/N: Kibum’s song is a line from “Not While Around” from the musical _Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street_ )


	15. 15 UNDER MY SKIN

15 UNDER MY SKIN

_Setting: Dubai_

Jonghyun and Jinki agree that it’s best that they room with their dongsaeng and best friend, respectively, for their week in the Middle East in order to help Taemin and Kibum avoid the pitfalls of a forbidden romance. After sensing the sweetly warm atmosphere inside the van, the lovers know they must intervene and keep the two in separate hotel rooms, even if it will pain them to do so.

For their part, Taemin and Kibum decide to be obedient as they are determined to stay sane, and they fully trust Jonghyun and Jinki, who only have their best interest at heart.

Nevertheless, they all know that the whole deal has become more challenging now— The airport pandemonium triggered a compulsion on Kibum’s part to be over-protective of Taemin. The entertainer, on the other hand, feels that being in Kibum’s arms is all the protection he needs from the world, which is often a scary place for those like him who are not exactly regular people.

Still, they cannot deny the fact it isn’t the time nor the place to be entertaining romance or even just the idea of it.

In spite of all their good intentions, it doesn’t seem that fate is ready to cooperate.

After Taemin’s first show in Dubai, which was a success, he and Jonghyun are back at the hotel and heading up to their room when Taemin realizes that he has left his phone inside their shuttle service. Jonghyun rings the driver to meet Taemin by the entrance. The boy would have to get the phone himself because Jonghyun has to deal with a toilet emergency.

Taemin retrieves his phone from the driver and gets inside an empty elevator. After a couple of floors up, a middle-aged man gets in.

Within seconds, Taemin is completely aware that the man is continuously eyeing him from head to toe. Used to being stared and gawked at as a celebrity, Taemin just focuses on reading messages on his phone while waiting to get to his floor, which is the topmost floor.

Suddenly, he is pressed against the elevator wall as the man pushes his whole weight on Taemin and grabs the latter’s crotch. The boy’s shock delays any sort of response from him for a few seconds until he finds himself screaming.

“Stop! Get off me!”

\---

“Please, Kibummie. I’m already in my pajamas. It’s an emergency. Jjong needs it.”

Kibum sighs and grabs the pack of loperamide capsules from Jinki. He is ready to shower and get into his own pajamas. Nevertheless, the prospect of saying good night to Taemin in person makes him smile.

He hits the elevator button going up and eagerly waits.

His excitement is completely snatched from him when the elevator opens and he sees Taemin pinned to the wall by a tall man... tears streaming down Taemin’s baby face.

“What the fuck are you doing?!”

For the first time in his life, Kibum is gripped by the kind of adrenaline rush that occurs during catastrophic situations. With a strength he never knew he had, Kibum tackles the man to the corner and punches him on the face. The blow is so strong that Kibum felt his knuckles burst through his own skin. But he is numb from fury so he grabs the man by the collar, despite being shorter by some inches, and pushes him against the wall, shoving him with full force repeatedly.

“How dare you touch him, you son of a bitch! I will kill you!”

Before the man could fight back, guards rushed to the scene to pull him out of the elevator that has remained open all this time because Taemin has fallen on his knees by the door, sobbing and reaching out to Kibum whose full attention is on the man. Taemin has never seen Kibum look at anyone or anything in such a way. It is a violent glare that holds a promise to kill.

It turns out that the building security saw the attack on Taemin via a CCTV camera and were on their way to seize the assailant but Kibum got to him first.

When the security team has left with the sex offender, Kibum pulls Taemin into his arms. Taemin, feeling small and unbearably dirty, releases anguished sobs on Kibum’s chest.

“I’m here now, Taemin. I won’t let anyone touch you. I’ll keep you safe. Don’t cry, babe. You’re with me now.”

\---

For a second, Jinki thought he has dozed off and started dreaming when he sees Kibum scampering inside their room with Taemin clutching at him like a child who’s afraid to be left alone by his parent. But the seriousness in Kibum’s face grounds him.

“Key... what’s--“

“Jinki, please sleep in the suite with Jjong tonight. Taemin’s staying here with me.”

“But--“

“Jinki, please! If you don’t want to go out wearing a robe, just use my coat... that one on the chair. Go now. I’ll tell you what happened tomorrow. Don’t mention anything to Jjong. Just tell him you insisted on staying with him because you’re worried about his stomach. Please, Jinki. Taemin needs to rest.”

Kibum’s authoritative tone makes it clear to Jinki that he should do what his friend says without rebuttals or questions.

As soon as they’re alone, Kibum leads Taemin to the couch where the latter crashes, pulling Kibum towards him by grabbing his shirt. In between sobs, Taemin unloads his feelings.

“He... he groped me, hyung! I feel sick.”

“I f-felt his breath on my face. It... it smelled awful. He said disgusting things to me. He tried to kiss me!”

“I feel so dirty, hyung... how can you hold me?”

Kibum embraces Taemin’s shaking body and rocks the latter for comfort.

“Don’t say that, Taemin. It was a horrible incident but you are the same Taemin in my eyes. You aren’t dirty. You’re as beautiful as ever.”

They remain in a tight embrace for several minutes until Kibum feels that Taemin has stopped sobbing and shaking.

“I’ll run you a warm bath, okay? You’ll feel better afterwards. Then I’ll tuck you in so you can rest. You’re safe here, Taemin. I’m with you. I’ll be with you all night.”

\---

“Kibum?” Taemin calls from the bathroom, the door ajar upon the boy’s request.

Kibum quickly runs towards the open door but stays outside. “Yes, Taemin?”

“Will you come in, please?”

“But you’re--“ Kibum was going to point out that Taemin is naked but realized it would be idiotic to say it as if Taemin isn’t aware of his own nakedness. “Are you sure you want me in there?”

“Y-yes. I want you in here.”

Kibum slowly opens the door and flashes Taemin a shy smile. He keeps his eyes on the boy’s face to avoid awkwardness. Besides, he didn’t want to risk getting turned on when Taemin just went through a traumatic encounter with a pervert.

“It’s okay. I’m not uncomfortable about you being in here.”

Kibum sits on the floor with his back on the door. He smiles, as he feels safe now since all he can see from where he’s seated is Taemin’s face and bare shoulders... _and sexy collarbones that are glistening from the bathwater._ Again, Kibum forces himself to focus on Taemin’s face alone.

“Are you feeling better now?”

“Yes. Thank you, hyung. I’m just a bit ashamed. I’m like a pathetic damsel in distress.”

“Taemin, please. You were mobbed and attacked today. None of it was your fault. And I meant what I said, I mean what I sang in the van earlier. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

“Thanks. I promise I’ll stay away from trouble.”

“You didn’t do anything to endanger yourself on both occasions, Taemin. Please don’t beat yourself over it. Let’s just be thankful that we were able to avoid the worst.”

“You know I’ll do the same for you, right? I know you had to rescue me twice today. But if the situation was reversed, I would’ve protected you too.”

Kibum thanks the steam inside the bathroom, which may appear to be the cause of his flustered face.

“I think I’m good now,” Taemin says, interrupting Kibum’s thoughts.

Kibum jumps up when he realizes that Taemin is getting up from the tub. He quickly turns around and moves to exit the door.

Although seeing Taemin naked is something he has fantasized about, Kibum isn’t ready to reveal his scorching desire for the boy, who was just molested an hour ago.

“I’ll get you a glass of milk. It’ll make you feel even better.” Kibum tells Taemin while his back in turned.

When Kibum steps out, Taemin finds himself smiling. He knows the reason for Kibum bolting out of the bathroom. _Kibum’s a knight in shining armor one minute and a blushing shy princess the next._

\---

“I didn’t think I’d see you smile tonight. I’m happy.” Kibum looks thoughtfully at Taemin as the latter steps outside the bathroom in a bathrobe.

“Thanks to you.” Taemin blushes at his own statement. He sits on the bed, which he assumes is Kibum’s since it wasn’t the one occupied by Jinki when they came in. Taemin takes the glass of milk Kibum is handing to him.

“I’ll just take a quick shower and change into my bed clothes.” Kibum winks at Taemin.

_Damn. The killer wink._

\---

True to his word, Kibum is done showering and changing into his pajamas in a matter of minutes.

He sees Taemin asleep on his bed and pulls the duvet over him. He brushes a strand of Taemin’s bangs off his face before climbing on Jinki’s bed.

Taemin stirs just as Kibum is arranging the pillows.

“Kibum-hyung? Is it okay if you sleep beside me? I’m... I’m just... I don’t know. My nerves are kinda getting to me.”

“Are you sure? This is a regular room so our beds are smaller. Will you be able to sleep comfortably?”

“I’ll be comfortable if you hold me.”

“Well... okay.”

Kibum turns off the night lamp on the bedside table between them to conceal the blush on his cheeks. He gets under the duvet, which is covering Taemin, and pulls the boy into his arms.

“Good night, Taemin. You can sleep now. I’m here beside you.”

Taemin reaches for Kibum’s hand and examines it until he sees the cut and bruises from the punch he threw. Then slowly, he lifts it to his lips and kisses the sore knuckles.

The tender act leaves Kibum’s speechless. And blushing once again. Thankfully, it is dark enough in the room to hide the shift in his skin complexion.

Sensing that Kibum has practically held his breath, Taemin breaks the silence…

“Can you keep talking or maybe just sing? I want to fall asleep hearing your voice. It’ll help me sleep.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, I shouldn’t sing at this hour. I’ll end up croaking and it might give you nightmares. Let’s see... okay... close your eyes. I’ll recite some sonnets until you fall asleep.”

Taemin wraps his arms around Kibum’s waist and buries his face on his neck.

Despite the horrific incident inside the elevator, Taemin thanks the universe that he somehow ended up getting his wish from earlier today granted— to rest his lips on Kibum’s neck once again and breathe in his smell.

And as if the universe is compensating for the misfortunes that befell him today, he gets to cuddle with Kibum and fall asleep to his voice, which Taemin finds part-cute, part-sensual. He loves Kibum’s voice, even in its dragging low roughness in the mornings.

Taemin’s breath on his neck makes Kibum’s heart beat faster and he wishes that the boy isn’t feeling the palpitations. Kibum clears his throat and focuses on reciting a sonnet from memory.

_Sonnet 57_

_Being your slave, what should I do but tend_

_Upon the hours and times of your desire?_

_I have no precious time at all to spend,_

_Nor services to do, till you require._

_Nor dare I chide the world-without-end hour_

_Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you._

_Nor think the bitterness of absence sour_

_When you have bid your servant once adieu;_

_Nor dare I question with my jealous thought_

_Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,_

_But like a sad slave, stay and think of nought,_

_Save, where you are how happy you make those._

_So true a fool is love that in your will_

_Though you do anything, he thinks no ill._

\---

Kibum wakes up in Taemin’s arms and wonders if he had ever woken up to a better feeling before.

He smiles as he recalls falling asleep with Taemin nestled in his arms, but somehow in their sleep they’ve unconsciously moved and ended up spooning, with Taemin now behind him.

Even if the events of the previous day got him saving and protecting Taemin, their current position has in turn made Kibum feel safe, protected, and comforted in Taemin’s embrace. Kibum is also thrilled at the intimacy of their physical contact— Taemin’s robe is fluffy and the skin it doesn’t cover feels warm and nice.

Kibum grabs his phone from the bedside table to check the time. He has to discuss the elevator incident to Jonghyun so he must get ready to meet him and Jinki for breakfast. Jinki is an early riser so the pair must already be at the banquet hall.

He carefully untangles Taemin’s arms from his waist and slowly slides off the bed.

When Kibum stands up and looks back at Taemin, his eyes pop at what he sees: Taemin’s bathrobe has flung open, flashing his stark nakedness to Kibum. Fortunately, Taemin’s member, just like him, is asleep.

Realizing he’s been staring with mouth agape, Kibum shakes his head, as if the gesture will shake off shameful thoughts. He brashly pulls the duvet over Taemin’s _delicious-looking body_.

Kibum resists the urge to jack off in the bathroom and changes into casual clothes. He leaves a note for Taemin.

\---

After hearing about the sexual assault on Taemin, Jonghyun realizes that it’s best for him and Kibum to put more effort in keeping Taemin safe and away from potential harm. He also tells Kibum that he will no longer be keen in keeping Taemin and Kibum apart and he will choose to trust the two instead.

Kibum is relieved to hear this, but his relief is only temporary because he realizes that following rules is less difficult than being given freedom to act according to his will… with the trust of a cherished friend at stake.

After their talk, Kibum excuses himself. He didn’t touch his food so he could go back to Taemin right away. He is uneasy with the thought of Taemin being alone for long periods after what happened last night.

\---

Kibum couldn’t stop himself from blushing the minute he entered the room and met eyes with Taemin, since his mind has been conjuring images of Taemin’s bare body parts.

“Good morning, hyung. I hope you haven’t had breakfast because I ordered for us.”

“Y-yes. I didn’t eat, I just talked to Jjong and Jinki.”

“Are you okay? You look flustered.”

“I... I am? Oh, maybe because I ran so I could get back here as fast as I could. I didn’t want you to be alone.”

“Oh. Well, you’re not panting or out of breath or anything. Are you sure that’s it?”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” says the usually eloquent Kibum.

Kibum is saved by the doorbell.

“That must be our food.”

While Taemin is setting the tray on the tea table, Kibum grabs a set of clothes from his luggage.

“Here, Taemin... A pair of sweatpants and a shirt. You can change into these so you’d be more comfortable.”

“Maybe later, before I go back to the suite.”

“Why not now? So you can be comfortable while eating breakfast.”

“This robe is comfortable.”

“But you’re wearing nothing but a robe!” Kibum instantly regrets his mini-outburst and looks down at the floor.

“How did you know it’s all I’m wearing and there’s nothing underneath?” Taemin’s smirk makes Kibum’s face even redder. “Did you... see anything while I was sleeping?”

“Fine! I woke up and saw that damn robe wide open!” Kibum was banking on his newfound boldness to get rid of the redness on his cheeks... only to be disappointed as he feels his face blushing more.

“You saw me naked?”

“Yes.”

“Did you like it?”

“What?! No! I mean, yes. I mean, your body looks great, objectively speaking. Let’s just eat, okay? What did you order for me?”

“Breakfast sausage and hard-boiled eggs.”

Kibum is positive that Taemin is messing with him. Until he sees the sausage and eggs on the plate.

As if on cue, both of them end up crashing on the floor, laughing their lungs out.

\---

Jonghyun turns to Kibum and smiles at him out of gratitude. Taemin is down to his last song in his final show in the city.

Jonghyun expected Taemin to be uninspired after the attack. It even crossed Jonghyun’s mind that Taemin might cancel the show and leave Dubai right away. Jonghyun knows that Taemin has quickly moved on and is back in his element all because of Kibum.

The lights go off, save for the spotlight, which is on Taemin, who is standing before a mic stand. His eyes are on Kibum as he introduces the last song of the night…

“Someone told me that when he has no words of his own, he sings. I am not sure what words I can say or should say to you, so I will just sing my heart out. This song is called _Under My Skin_.”

_Under My Skin_

_Here it goes again_

_The worst side of me I’ve kept under my skin_

_Makes me feel uneasy deep inside_

_I couldn’t love myself properly_

_There was a part in me that was_

_Unnecessary and far from my ideal self_

_And I broke it myself by force_

_So now I reach my hand_

_Only your warmth melts my cold heart_

_That I’ve kept hiding under my skin..._

_Please hold me tonight_

_The real me I’ve never shown anyone and can’t let out anywhere_

_Every time I remember someone who left me_

_I feel like I only have a dark side in me_

_Am I getting any better? (Am I okay?)_

_I talk to myself in the mirror_

_Then I hear the snicker echoing_

_Deep in my eardrums_

_So now I take your hand_

_When I touch your love I can forgive my weakness_

_That I’ve kept hiding under my skin_

_As long as you’re with me_

_Every part of my past_

_Will turn into a part of my future_

_Please hold me tonight_

_The real me I’ve never shown anyone and can’t let out anywhere..._


	16. 16 RISE (& fall)

16 RISE (& fall)

_Setting: Dubai_

“I don’t do social media,” Taemin declares while browsing Kibum’s Instagram posts on the latter’s phone.

Kibum and Taemin are inside a dressing room, killing time while waiting for a local photographer who’s shooting Taemin for a mobile phone print advertisement.

“Why not? It’s an easy and fun distraction. And the quickest way to escape when you’re drowning in solitude.” Kibum is sitting on a couch on the opposite side of the room where Taemin is on a makeup chair.

“I like how you put it, hyung. And I totally get why you’re into it. But considering the life I live, being in social media is a bit redundant.”

Kibum cannot help but admire Taemin for his insights. If only the rest of the world could see how he is so much more than just a gorgeous entertainer.

Sometimes it irks Kibum that Taemin makes no effort to express his actual thoughts to people. Kibum has learned to care for Taemin so much that he wants the world to see the depth of Taemin’s character.

But seeing the way Taemin scrolls down Kibum’s Instagram photos, the latter knows that all that is unnecessary to him. Maybe Taemin can live happily with just one person seeing through him, as in really seeing through him.

“Come here, let’s take a selfie. Maybe I‘ll post it on my IG.” Kibum motions for Taemin to join him on the couch.

As Taemin settles on the couch, Kibum grabs his phone from him and positions it in his hand for a selfie. When he thinks he’s found the right angle, Kibum tilts his head towards Taemin’s as a way of establishing that they’re on friendly terms.

Taemin huddles close to Kibum and, in a second, he finds himself transfixed by the sight of Kibum’s dimples on the phone’s screen.

It suddenly dawns on Taemin how close his face is to that glorious smile and he can even hear Kibum holding his breath to capture the shot as he says, “Hold still, Taem... 1, 2—“

Kibum doesn’t get to count until three because he was caught off-guard by a hurried but gentle kiss on his cheek where his left dimple is.

Before Kibum could recover from his momentary freeze, Taemin has hopped his way out of the room after a breathless “See you later, Kibum-hyung!”

\---

It is the wee hours of the morning but Kibum still couldn’t stop looking at their picture in his phone.

No one would be able to tell that it was a momentary, hurried kiss because Taemin has his eyes closed and his lips puckered and pressed on Kibum’s cheek. Kibum, on the other hand, looks astonished in a good way in the picture. His eyes are sparkling. They look like a couple in the photo. A couple in love.

And therefore, it is a photo that is for his eyes alone. It is one photo that could derail Taemin’s career. _For my eyes only,_ Kibum thinks, until he gets a text from Taemin, who is apparently still up at this witching hour too.

Taemin: Hyung, please send me our picture. :D

Kibum: I’ll send the evidence, thief! -__-

_Wait, this isn’t the first time that boy stole a kiss!_ Kibum certainly remembers the kiss inside the car when they were in Singapore. _Maybe I should get back at him. But how? By kissing him too?_

The thought made Kibum giggle for a second. He covered his mouth immediately, not wanting to wake Jinki up.

\---

It is their last day in Dubai and they have the whole day free as their flight is in the evening.

Kibum is blindfolded while being led with two hands by Taemin inside a building.

“Taemin, please, I don’t like this! You’ve had me wearing this darn blindfold since we got in the car. Where are we and what are you up to?”

“Relax, hyung. You’re going to like the surprise.”

Kibum can tell they’ve stepped inside an elevator. Aside from the _ding_ he heard, he felt Taemin’s hands twitch. Kibum squeezes Taemin’s hands, remembering the boy’s horrible experience inside their hotel’s lift. And even if he can only see darkness, Kibum reaches for Taemin and turns him around so he can hug the boy from the back.

Kibum wraps his arms around Taemin’s waist and rests his chin on the latter’s shoulder. Since he couldn’t see a thing, Kibum’s lips accidentally brush Taemin’s ear when he leans close to whisper to the boy. The featherweight touch of Kibum’s lips on his ear sends a shiver down Taemin’s spine.

“Taemin, I want you to remember this and only this every time you’re inside an elevator.”

Taemin’s basks in the back hug and thanks the blindfold preventing Kibum from seeing his red face and ridiculously big smile. He is seconds away from getting teary-eyed at the thought that Kibum didn’t just save him but is also working on healing him. _Why is he doing all these for me? Why does he care so much? Is this how he cares for his closest friends?_

These questions are interrupted by the lift’s door opening. Taemin remembers his surprise for Kibum so he disentangles himself from the interpreter’s embrace and grabs his arms so he can lead him outside.

“Alright, hyung. We’re stopping on this spot. Stay still.”

Taemin takes the opportunity to stare at Kibum before uncovering the latter’s eyes. He marvels at how lovely Kibum’s face is even when half-covered.

Taemin’s heart swells when he sees the scratch wound on Kibum’s left cheek right below the blindfold, because he knows how Kibum got it— from the airport mob. It is deep enough to scar. Kibum’s beautiful face will be flawed because of him. He will be marked for life on account of Taemin. The boy doesn’t know if he’ll be glad that there is a permanent reminder of how Kibum deeply cares for him or if he’ll feel guilty because his weakness has scarred Kibum.

“Taemin?” Kibum is suddenly worried by the silence. And honestly, he is utterly nervous because the long ascent via the lift is a clear indication that they are on one of the top floors of a high-rise building.

Taemin positions himself behind Kibum and carefully removes the blindfold.

When Kibum opens his eyes, he gasps and almost falls backwards into Taemin’s arms.

“Taemin! Is this the Burj Khalifa?!”

“Yes, hyung. The tallest building in the world. I wanted to show you the spectacular view.”

Kibum closes his eyes again and wishes he had kept the blindfold on because it is harder to keep his eyes shut with the sunlight casting a penetrating glare on his lids.

“I’m so sorry, hyung. I didn’t know you’re afraid of heights. I just wanted to surprise you with a nice view.”

_Then you could’ve just worn that bathrobe again and left it hanging open_ , Kibum mumbled out of anxiety.

“What was that, hyung? Are you mad at me?”

“No, no. Of course not, Taemin. I actually want to say sorry for ruining your surprise.” _Was he trying to be romantic? Is he initiating something?_

“You didn’t ruin it. At least you still got surprised. Just not in a good way.” Taemin couldn’t help the slight pout forming on his lips.

“Taemin, don’t feel bad. I’m not upset, just really unnerved. I can’t help it when dealing with heights. I feel like I’m going to fall.”

“Then fall, Kibum. Fall...”

Their eyes lock and every ounce of fear leaves Kibum’s consciousness as he sees Taemin’s lovely eyes and sultry lips closing in and blocking everything else in his view.

Taemin gently presses his lips against Kibum’s while inhaling his scent and allows his two hands to meet and rest at the slope of Kibum’s lower back.

They kiss slowly... breathing in each other audibly. Kibum runs his long fingers through Taemin’s windblown hair, causing a sensation that drives Taemin to deepen their kiss and taste Kibum’s tongue with his own.

The terrace breeze that tingled their skin earlier has been replaced by a pleasurable warmth. And as Taemin and Key claim the passionate kiss they both know they’ve wanted all along, the warmth grows into a heat that seems to intensify every second that passes.

Taemin has never felt this good kissing someone. His sense of taste is fully awakened as he kisses Kibum, and he is convinced that he hasn’t tasted anything more delicious than Kibum’s lips and tongue.

Kibum, on the other hand, is overjoyed deep inside. _My first kiss with Taemin! The first of many, many kisses, I hope._

But their first kiss ends abruptly when Kibum’s phone suddenly vibrates from an incoming call, startling him and pulling him away from Taemin.

_It’s Kai._


	17. 17 KISS KISS KISS

17 KISS KISS KISS

“There’s an idiomatic expression, ‘on cloud 9’, which means being in an absolute state of bliss that you feel like you’re soaring in the sky among clouds.” Kibum is looking out the window at the clouds.

On this particular flight, Jonghyun decided to seat Kibum and Taemin together because it’s a relatively long flight and he wants to be beside his Jinki.

“Are you saying that, hyung, because we’re flying among the clouds so you thought of giving me a related language lecture? Or is it because it’s actually how you’re feeling right now?”

In lieu of giving an answer, Kibum presses his lips together and rolls them inward. It’s when his mouth gets into this position that his dimples appear their deepest. Kibum looks down shyly, his lashes casting soft shadows atop his elegant cheekbones.

The sight reduces Taemin’s insides into a pile of sugary goo. He doesn’t know if it’s simply Kibum’s beauty or the memory of their rooftop kiss that is melting him.

“Aish, to hell with everything, hyung! I’m just going to kiss you again!”

Kibum doesn’t just let Taemin kiss him— he even grasps the younger’s hands as Taemin grabs the lapels of Kibum’s coat to keep his body close.

Taemin has sang songs about “the heart fluttering” and symbolic fireworks, etc., but he will realize when they break their kiss how he pretty much just portrayed those emotional lyrics as a performer should.

But from that point onwards, he will actually be singing from experience, and what a thrill that is for an artist to draw from a genuine emotions.

The intimate way Kibum and Taemin are tangled together while kissing with their heads in unceasing movements soon catches the eye of Jonghyun across the aisle. The manager gasps and is about to voice out a heated reprimand when Jinki tugs at his arm.

“Jjongie, just let them. Please.”

“Jinks, I cannot allow it. You know the repercussions. And it’s them who’ll suffer in the end.”

“Do you really think they are not aware of the risks and the consequences?”

“They are... on brief, lucid moments. But we both know how fleeting those moments are for people in love.”

“There, you acknowledge that they’re in love. Why do we have to stop them from acknowledging that themselves and enjoying it? They’re both hard-working and they have their share of shitloads of problems in life. We should be happy they found each other.”

“But, Jinks honey--“

“Kim Jonghyun, listen to me. Why are we here together? Why do we try so hard to mesh together all the minutes we have for ourselves? Because I’m enlisting in the army soon. Now, the future’s uncertain for Key and Taemin, and if they are to part ways down the road, then how are they different from us? Let’s give them this time. Just like how we’re giving _us_ this time.”

Jonghyun sighs deeply. His final say comes in the form of a kiss. Seconds later, he pulls out from the kiss to look deeply into Jinki’s eyes.

“I love you, Jinki, my sun. We’ll have to protect them. From SM, the fans, everyone. It’s not going to be easy but we will fight with them.”

“I love you, Jonghyunnie my moon. Thank you.”

And they resume their sweet kiss.

\---

The flight attendant pauses at the aisle briefly and moves her head from side to side, surprised to see two kissing couples on opposite ends. She marches to their station near the cockpit and gestures for the other FAs to approach her.

“Watch the lavatory doors closely. Make sure only one passenger at a time enters.”


	18. 18 SOLDIER

18 SOLDIER

_Setting: Brazil_

“Taemin, please hold still. I am not a professional but i’m doing my best here. It’s your concert, for pete’s sake. We’re not going clubbing or to a house party.”

It doesn’t feel like a misfortune for Taemin that his makeup artist/stylist had to fly back to Korea because of urgent family business matters. Not when Kibum’s long fingers are patting certain spots on Taemin’s face where makeup should settle and blend. And especially not when Kibum’s lovely bow lips are slightly parted as he concentrates on applying eyeliner on Taemin, his fresh breath inevitably blowing on the entertainer because of the close proximity of their faces. Taemin is summoning every ounce of self-control he needs to keep himself from forcing his own lips on Kibum’s.

“There. Done. Oh babe, you look...” Kibum is suddenly rendered breathless by Taemin’s beautiful face, which is angelic but salaciously corrupted by his smoky-eye makeup.

“Then kiss me?” Taemin smiles his goofy yet pretty smile, happy that Kibum seems to be mesmerized by him just as he is by his foxy hyung.

“Oh you know I want to... but let’s not start anything. You have a show! Stand up. Let’s get you dressed.”

Kibum unzips the black garment bag hanging on the mobile clothes rack. He winces as he sees the all-red ensemble in various fabrics that looks formless as it hangs. _Maybe it actually looks good when worn. Especially by my gorgeous Taemin with the gorgeous body. ‘My’ Taemin?_ Kibum giggles softly, catching Taemin’s attention.

“What is it, hyung?”

“Nothing. Let’s get this on you.”

Taemin nods and strips to his black spandex boxers. Kibum would’ve thoroughly enjoyed the moment, gawking at the boy’s flawless figure, had he not been hit by a sudden pang of jealousy.

“Your stylist dresses you every time?”

“Yes, she does. She’s also assisted by a couple of noonas, especially when I need a quick wardrobe change.”

The thought shoots a sour taste on Kibum’s tongue. He immediately associates jealousy with acid. It stirs an acidic pain inside the stomach and leaves an unpleasant tang inside the mouth.

Kibum tries to calm down by reminding himself that it’s a common scenario in their theater productions too. He and other actors are often in their underwear backstage in between costume changes. _But they are a group and Taemin is a one-man show. Not a patch of his glorious skin would be missed by the probing eyes of those noonas._ Kibum huffs while zipping Taemin up.

“Kibummie, are you jealous? Don’t be. The real goods are for your eyes only. Well, soon.”

Kibum blushes, instantly comforted by Taemin’s words. But before the comfort and relief he feels transform into excitement and arousal, Kibum’s eyes survey Taemin’s entire outfit and he ends up gasping. In horror.

“That is a hideous outfit! No way am I going to let you go on stage in that monstrosity!”

Taemin’s ensemble consists of a red deconstructed skirt-over-pants bottom, a white cotton tank, a red satin ill-fitting blouse that serves as a jacket, and black leather boots.

“But, hyung, this is what my stylist put together! This probably costs a lot. And SM has paid for this and has paid her.”

“I don’t care! It looks like you lost your luggage and borrowed clothes from an ahjumma!”

Kibum pulls out his phone from his pocket and furiously taps the screen to make a call.

“Jjong! I need cash and a car right now! And send one of the production assistants to me. One of the locals, okay? I need a navigator. I’ll explain later. Bye.”

Taemin’s confusion is apparent on his face.

“Taemin, I’ll be back in thirty minutes. We have a couple of hours before showtime. Please stay in here and stay put because I won’t have the time to retouch your makeup if you ruin it.”

\---

Within a span of 45 minutes, Kibum managed to drive back to the hotel to grab one of his jackets (a cropped military-style blazer) and find a nearby department store where he bought tassels, military uniform accessories, and a sewing kit.

And within an hour after that, he managed to dress Taemin in a completely different outfit. Kibum removed the uneven skirt overlay and retained Taemin’s cropped red pants. He discarded the white tank top and buttoned up the red satin shirt before topping it with his own military jacket, which is now more concert-worthy after he had sewn shoulder accessories and several tassels on it. Kibum also found a black scarf backstage and a silk gold rope from one of the curtains that he put together to create a makeshift obi belt.

“Wow, hyung. This looks great! I love it. I can’t believe I was supposed to perform in that frumpy red mess I had on earlier. This is very Michael Jackson.”

“I just had to put together something for the king of Kpop.”

Unable to control himself this time, Taemin pulls Kibum by the waist and kisses him with a passion as red-hot as his colors for the night.

“Time check, Taemin... we’re on in twen--“ Jonghyun’s sentence is cut off by the sight of his dongsaeng and Kibum mashing their faces together in a manic kiss.

“Yah! What is up with you two? Can’t you be left alone without ending up swapping spit?”

For some reason, both Kibum and Taemin are unable to break their kiss for the sake of Jonghyun, who has actually closed the door behind him and is now inside the room with them.

This leaves Jonghyun aghast.

“What the-- seriously?! You’re both just going to ignore me and continue to suck each other’s face?”

Kibum couldn’t help himself from crashing on the floor in laugher (and his knees have also grown weak because of the kiss).

Now out of trance, Taemin looks at Jonghyun with cheeks that match his red shirt.

“I’m sorry, Jjong-hyung. It’s just that kissing Key is so addictive.”

Jonghyun is about to rebut when Taemin pats down his jacket and adjusts his obi belt, making Jonghyun notice his entire look.

“Taemin, you look like a million bucks! How... where--“

“Key did my makeup and he put together this outfit.” Taemin grabs Kibum’s hand and squeezes it.

“Jinki’s right. You are almighty, Kim Kibum.”

“Thanks, Jjongie! I’d love to be showered with compliments by you boys, but I believe you’re here for time check?”

“Ah, yes. We’re on in... just ten minutes now.”

“See, Jjong-hyung? See how responsible Key is? You’ve nothing to worry about. He’s responsible, I’m inspired, everybody’s happy!”

“Fine, but first... make your Brazilian fans happy.”

Taemin grins and makes his way towards the door when Kibum grabs his wrist.

“Not so fast, soldier. Let’s retouch your lips. The lip gloss is gone, I wonder why!” Kibum laughs, infecting Taemin and even Jonghyun who are now laughing as well.

“But first...” Kibum pecks Taemin lips and then applies the tinted gloss. “There.”

_**(A/N)** _

For visualization purposes (although I attempted to come up with an accurate description)-- Taemin's first outfit is the one he wore in his Sirius tour (the satin red number). The outfit Kibum put together is what Taemin wore on his solo stage at the 2016 SHINee Tokyo Dome DxDxD Concert ( _Press It_ medley). 


	19. 19 WANT

19 WANT

_Setting: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil_

Taemin pats down his fluffy tiger costume, which is actually a childish tiger onesie for adults.

_I look ridiculous_ , he thinks. But then Jonghyun assured him that the point of the annual _Carnival in Rio_ is simply to have fun with everyone in different kinds of costumes.

Taemin’s reservations about his look quickly vanishes when he sees Jonghyun in a similar onesie, only his is a dinosaur costume. And it gets better when Taemin realizes that Jonghyun is chasing Jinki, who is in a rabbit onesie.

The chase starts from the living room of the villa they’re renting… and since Jinki is dead serious about being a swift bunny, he dashes out and is chased around by growling dinosaur Jonghyun in the courtyard. Taemin follows the couple outside, laughing heartily at their silly game.

His laughter is cut short when Kibum joins them— He is wearing a pair of skintight black velvet pants with a matching turtleneck pullover, black gloves, leather ankle boots, and a panther mask obviously made for theater. Taemin’s throat suddenly feels dry.

Taemin is about to protest about how unfair it is the Kibum is looking sexy in his costume while the rest of them are like overgrown toddlers when Kibum runs to him and squashes Taemin’s face in between his hands.

“Oh my god! You are the most adorable tiger in the world! I could bite you!”

Taemin smiles like a happy tot who was just fed applesauce.

\---

The festivities are as exhilarating as the four of them have heard and read online. It is indeed an event with every imaginable merrymaking by people who are bent on having the party of the year.

And since they are wearing masks and costumes, Taemin feels the freedom to be himself and to act on whim without the fear of being exposed or judged.

They’ve been drinking Caipirinha ( _Brazil’s national cocktail which is made with Cachaca or rum, sugar and lime_ ) and dancing for hours when Jonghyun proposes that they play a game—

Since he and Jinki were casually playing chase earlier, Jonghyun suggests that they take it to the next level: A predator versus prey chase. If the predator finds and catches the prey, the predator gets a favor granted by the prey, and it will be reversed if the predator doesn’t find and catch the prey within an hour. Obviously, being the dinosaur, he is the predator and Jinki is the prey.

“I’ll be the predator since I am a tiger! I am going to hunt you, Kibum-hyung!” Taemin exclaims excitedly.

“Taemin, no offense but I look more like the hunting jungle cat tonight. You look like a little lost tiger cub!”

Taemin would’ve been annoyed if Kibum hadn’t been pinching and touching him like he’s the cutest thing he has ever laid eyes on. Besides, a sexy and fiercely feline Kibum is going to hunt him, so how can he complain?

\----

Fifteen minutes have passed since Taemin started circling the crowds while evading his hunter, Kibum, who is often visible to him but is strangely keeping his distance instead of pouncing at him.

This fuels Taemin’s excitement further, for it seems that Kibum has a plan (which Taemin doesn’t know of), but it is obvious that Kibum wants to prolong the chase. It only makes Taemin desire Kibum more… and to be willfully weak and helpless when the panther ravishes him.

But Taemin eventually decides that he won’t be an easy target. If Kibum wants to drag this longer to torture him, then he will not make it easy for the feline beauty to catch him. Besides, he’d love to win and have a favor granted by Kibum.

Taemin maneuvers his way into a dancing mob. As soon as the energy of the crowd gets to him and the beat of the music pounds into his veins, Taemin’s body immediately responds with dance.

The powerful yet graceful way he moves stuns the street dancers that they form a circle around him. By this time, Taemin is lost to the spirit of dancing. And when he opens his eyes momentarily and sees Kibum, who has removed his mask and is watching him with apparent hunger on his face, Taemin lets himself be carried away further.

Taemin’s movements slow down when he feels hot breath on his face. He opens his eyes once again and sees Kibum a couple of inches away from him. He’s supposed to run, but the way Kibum is looking at him with a pair of eyes that pierces through his flesh makes Taemin feel a maddening need to be taken by Kibum right there and then.

But Kibum has other plans. After brushing his lips on the jawline of Taemin, who is slowly losing his mind since they have never gone beyond first base, Kibum takes a step back and shoots him the sharpest glare.

“Run, Tiger!” Kibum’s fiery eyes and thunderous voice send chills to Taemin and he runs for dear life… runs from a kind of burning desire he has never known.

Taemin has never felt his blood boil to this degree. Has he actually turned into an animal and is in fact in heat?

\---

Taemin scampers inside their villa’s kitchen, panting and incredibly thirsty. He grabs a water bottle from the fridge and downs its entire contents in one go, the water pouring down his neck.

He freezes when he hears the door slam and he slowly turns around.

“Hello, tiger.” Kibum is leaning on the door with one leg slightly lifted, knee bent, and the sole of his shoe on the wooden surface. His hands are on his hips.

Being in the entertainment industry, Taemin has seen all kinds of sexy, so he is caught off-guard by the way Kibum manages to arrest all his senses by just leaning on the door.

Kibum switches the lights off except for the one above the kitchen table in the center. He walks slowly towards Taemin, who is still glued on his spot in front of the fridge. Kibum’s stride is slow and sensual, but his smirk is predatory. Taemin doesn’t know if it’s still spilled water that is dripping from his mouth or his own drool. 

Kibum rests both his hands on the huge fridge, trapping Taemin in between his stretched arms.

“So, tiger, any last words before I… eat you for dinner?”

Taemin instantly hardens at the question and ends up gulping instead of replying.

Kibum removes his mask and looks Taemin in the eye before peeling off his gloves. With hands now bare, Kibum feels the fluffy material of Taemin’s costume by rubbing his hands all over the latter’s chest.

“This feels nice. I wonder how it feels underneath.”

Losing all sense of self-control and forgetting that he is the prey, Taemin crashes his lips on Kibum’s and uses his body to push the panther towards the kitchen table until Kibum’s ass is pressed to its edge.

“Taemin, we can’t--“

“I get to ask the favor, hyung. Check your watch.”

Kibum sees that it’s ten minutes past an hour since the chase commenced. His breath hitches when Taemin presses himself harder on Kibum and he feels the latter’s bulge beneath the thick costume.

“What favor are you asking? Taemin… I know we agreed to this game but we have to be reasonable. And responsible.”

Taemin runs his hands over the velvet fabric covering Kibum’s thighs.

“I know how complex our situation is, hyung, and I know the potential damages. But we agreed on the rules earlier, so now you must grant my wish.”

“What do you want, Taemin?” Kibum cringes at how stupid his question comes off. He knows what Taemin wants, it’s all in his eyes. But Kibum can’t wrap his head around giving in to his longtime desire, knowing that once they cross this line there is no going back, and Taemin has so much more to lose.

“Hyung… all I ask for is… can we make this one mistake?”

It stings Kibum’s heart how somebody so beautiful and famous could bear to beg for intimacy. But the sincerity by which Taemin acknowledges his want completely destroys Kibum’s defenses.

For once, Kibum willingly looks beyond the danger in their situation and just looks at Taemin. Taemin _wants_ him.

Kibum grabs a fistful of Taemin’s costume and turns them around. Then he picks up Taemin by his thighs and seats him on the table.

As if scared that Kibum would change his mind, Taemin slides backwards and lays down on the table while pulling Kibum over him. Kibum rewards his boldness by taking it farther and straddling Taemin’s hips.

In a second, they are kissing like they have been given a time limit… their tongues clash and they take turns biting the other’s lower lip.

Taemin untucks the edges of Kibum’s top and rolls it up so he can caress the latter’s waist. Taemin’s hand on his skin conjures the feeling of wanting more, so Kibum breaks the kiss and promptly removes his top entirely.

The light over the kitchen table appears like a spotlight on the now topless Kibum since the rest of the kitchen is dark.

Taemin takes the time to gawk at the flawless beauty on top of him— sharp collarbones, soft-looking pectorals, pinkish brown nipples, and firm but undefined abs that complements his slender but shapely figure. But then Taemin suddenly feels silly and un-sexy in his tiger romper so he begins pulling down the zipper in front.

“Stop. I want to do it.” Kibum grabs Taemin’s hands and puts them on his thighs before pulling the zipper himself all the way down to Taemin’s waist.

Kibum buries his face in the gap revealing Taemin’s chest and licks his way up… his wet tongue gliding over Taemin’s neck and chin before he captures the tiger’s lips.

As they kiss hungrily, Taemin lifts himself a little to free his torso from his costume. It is Kibum’s turn to have an eyeful of Taemin’s satin skin. He immediately dips his head and pokes one of Taemin’s nipples with the tip of his tongue before flicking on it fast and repeatedly.

For the first time, Kibum hears Taemin’s soft moans and realizes how cute and sexy his moans are and he wants it to be the soundtrack of their night. Kibum licks the other nipple leisurely this time and pushes Taemin’s zipper further down until he can get a handful of the boy’s bulge.

While Kibum is stroking his cock through his cotton boxers, Taemin shimmies out of his costume and kicks it off completely. Not breaking their spit-swapping spree, Taemin grabs the waistline of Kibum’s pants and feels around it for the button.

It is Kibum who pulls out of their kiss to kneel properly with upright thighs and he pushes his hips forward so Taemin can take care of unbuttoning & unzipping his pants.

In Taemin’s hunger, he ends up skipping the button and zipper and just roughly pulls down the front of Kibum’s pants, which luckily is of a stretch material.

What a sight it is for Taemin— Kibum kneeling upright on top of him, half-naked with his fully erect member twitching above the waistband of his pants.

Kibum’s view is just as sexually spectacular— Taemin lying on the table in his boxers, which is stretched considerably because of his standing dick and his face all sweaty as he pants with his mouth open.

Taemin moves to rise so he can have a mouthful of Kibum, but the latter pushes him back and crawls downwards. Kibum catches Taemin’s “tent” in his mouth, his drool further drenching Taemin’s shorts, which is already wet with pre-cum.

In one swift move, Kibum yanks Taemin’s boxers out of the way and wraps his wet lips around Taemin’s cock. A few minutes later, Taemin is writhing under him and moaning uncontrollably as Kibum works his hungry mouth on him.

For a moment, Taemin recalls what Heechul said to him one night he was out with his Super Junior hyungs— “We’re practically rockstars, Taemin! And you know what that means? We get the best blowjobs!”

Taemin, who doesn’t sleep around, merely dismissed the thought that time. But at this moment, Taemin feels like the star that he is, because he is definitely getting the blowjob of his life.

With the amount of load Taemin released into Kibum’s mouth, it is a wonder how the latter managed to keep any of his cum from spilling.

Kibum simply wipes the corners of his beautiful lips and smiles sweetly at Taemin. It’s driving Taemin crazy how Kibum can remain elegant while being a sexy beast.

“Did you like that, Tiger?”

Taemin snickers and pulls Kibum into a tight hug, keeping him in his arms until Taemin’s nerves recover from orgasm.

“Let’s go to the bedroom, hyung. I’m very hungry.”

\---

_Kim Kibum is a beautiful, fascinating creature._

Taemin watches him sleeping, smiling at the thought that his usually composed and put-together hyung is lying sprawled on the bed with his legs still spread and with just a hand towel barely covering his privates. His hair disheveled and his chest and tummy are glistening from cum and sweat. Kibum looks unbelievably sexy in his exhausted, thoroughly fucked state.

While Taemin can’t tear his eyes away from sleeping Kibum, flashbacks of their first time fill his head and he comes close to giggling like a schoolgirl...

\---

Taemin wanted to blow Kibum so badly in hopes of making him feel the same absolute pleasure he enjoyed on the kitchen table. But with Kibum now on the bed under him, Taemin is suddenly unnerved as he remembers that he has never given head before. Nevertheless, Kibum is lying on his back and his cock looks like a delicious dessert, so Taemin’s worries are short-lived.

What Taemin lacks in experience he makes up for in eagerness, and soon he has Kibum cumming all over his hand and lips. Suddenly feeling insatiable, Taemin dips his tongue inside Kibum’s navel to taste the cum that has gathered in there. Kibum watches him with desire throbbing in every vein in his body. 

“I don’t know if you’re going to believe me… but that has been the best for me, Taemin.”

Taemin blushes, reverting from jungle cat to tiger cub, and this earns him a hug from Kibum, who is feeling so giddy that he ends up rolling Taemin around the bed with him as they hugged.

But the cuddling doesn’t last long since tongues begin to intrude on their sweet kisses.

Taemin has never been with a man so it was decided by Kibum that Taemin will top and he will bottom. Kibum assumes that Taemin is clueless about the preparations so he guides Taemin through stretching him. And to ease Taemin into the intercourse, they start out with Kibum riding him.

The sight of Kibum grinding and bouncing in turns on top of him is enough to make Taemin explode. So the actual sensation of fucking Kibum’s tight hole is just too much that Taemin is already releasing after just a few minutes. He buries his face in Kibum’s neck out of embarrassment.

“It’s okay, babe. At least you’ll last longer in the next round. Besides, you’re gonna do all the hard work this time,” Kibum whispers.

Embarrassment gone and already hard after Kibum’s purring into his ear, Taemin lays Kibum on the bed and instantly pounds into him.

\---

The memory of fucking Kibum just an hour ago is making Taemin hard once again. He is tempted to wake Kibum up by drilling into him, certain that the latter is still wet down there from Taemin’s own cum.

But there’s something about watching Kibum sleeping after their intimate encounter that keeps Taemin still, as if he never wants the moment to end.

As Kibum quietly stirs and reaches out to hold Taemin’s hand before dozing off again, Taemin feels something that he hasn’t felt in a while…

He is happy to be Lee Taemin.


	20. 20 HONEST

20 HONEST

Kibum wakes up to the sound of his phone ringing, and in his list of loathsome ways of waking up, this is at the top. But before he becomes fully awake to annoyance, he catches a glimpse of a beautiful face near him— Taemin is lying on his stomach, snoring softly, with one leg draped over Kibum’s. Suddenly, everything is right in the world, and Kibum smiles.

The phone screen flashes the number of his mother’s institution so he quickly but carefully pulls himself away from Taemin. Kibum takes the call inside the bathroom.

“Bummie?”

“Umma, it’s me. How are you?”

Kibum’s mother Heekyung fills him in on their activities in the “home”.

Taemin wakes up and hears Kibum talking on the phone since the bathroom door is left ajar. Out of curiosity, Taemin stands by the door, almost certain that it is Jonghyun, calling to warn them against crossing lines that must not be crossed. Taemin cannot help but smirk. _Too late, Jjong-hyung._

But Taemin soon realizes that it is a female since Kibum has put the call on speaker. Kibum seems to be talking about the cities they’ve visited.

“We’re leaving Brazil tomorrow, umma. Rio has been magical. I’ll never forget this place.” At this, Taemin smiles.

“Bummie, I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. You’ve been through a lot of hardships. You sound really happy.”

“I am, umma. I love my job, I get to travel, and I’ve made new friends.”

“This celebrity you work for… how is he? How’s he treating you?”

“His name is Lee Taemin, umma. We’ve actually become friends.”

“Honey, be careful with those rich and famous people, okay? I just don’t want you running with the wrong crowd. Don’t forget what happened to your stepdad.”

“Don’t worry, umma. Taemin is nothing of the sort. Yeah, he’s a superstar, but he’s down to earth and kind and really nice to people. He’s different, umma. No, he’s special.”

“Do you like this Taemin boy, Bummie?”

“What do you mean? Umma, I work for him. I…”

“What I meant was- do you like working for him? Bummie, is there something going on?”

“No, umma. Nothing’s going on. Oh, I gotta go. We have an interview in an hour.”

Silence. And then… “Kibum? Is that you? Are you in school? I’m hungry,” Heekyung says, quite childishly, before going silent again on the other line.

Perplexed by what his mother said and by the sudden change in her tone, Kibum is about to ask what she’s talking about but the line is suddenly cut. It appears that Heekyung hanged up on her son.

_That was strange._

Taemin hears Kibum’s deep sigh… and movements that sound like he’s filling the tub with water. And then Kibum starts to sing…

_Nothing is so good it lasts eternally… Perfect situations must go wrong_

“It doesn’t have to go wrong,” Taemin says as he pushes the door wide open and enters the bathroom.

“Oh… hi, Taemin. Good morning. Did you sleep well?” Kibum smiles at Taemin, and in spite of their activities the previous night, Kibum looks a bit shy.

“What do you think? Of course I slept well. It was the best night of my life.” Taemin wants to pull Kibum into his arms but he also feels shy all of a sudden.

“What about you, hyung? Did you sleep well?” Taemin smiles when Kibum nods. “Then why were you singing such negative lyrics?”

“Oh, that. No, it’s a song called _I Know Him So Well_ fom ‘Chess the Musical’. I starred in it in Brooklyn. That song was actually sang by my two fellow actors. Don’t laugh, but in the musical two women were fighting over me, in a sense, and that song was their duet.”

“Maybe Kai and I should learn that song. It’ll be our second duet after _Pretty Boy_.” Taemin laughs but immediately stops when he sees Kibum’s panicked face.

“Kai! Taemin, I haven’t replied to his messages. He has sent me like a thousand. He’s so sweet. And I’m terrible. Shit.”

“We should tell him.”

“Tell him what, Taemin? We’re not in a relationship. And we can’t tell him we slept together.”

Taemin is usually grateful for frank, honest people because he’s the non-confrontational type. But Kibum’s bluntness felt like a dagger in his heart.

Kibum sees the hurt in Taemin’s eyes so he quickly sits on the toilet and pulls Taemin to settle on his lap. He wraps his arms around Taemin’s waist and rests his chin on Taemin’s shoulder.

“As much as we loved every second of last night, we both know it was a mistake. Taemin, we both agreed to make ‘one mistake’. You know we can’t carry on as lovers.”

“I know. I know, Kibum. But it doesn’t mean I’m pleased with my knowledge and acceptance of our situation.”

Kibum wanted to comfort Taemin and say that there might be a possibility in the distant future that they could be together. But after everything that Kibum has gone through in life, he knows all too well that no one really knows what the future has in store.

Kibum resolves to nuzzle the back of Taemin’s neck… communicating both his affection and silence, for he doesn’t really know how they should proceed from here onwards.

Taemin turns his head to kiss Kibum, because in spite of the questions looming over them, he will not waste this moment with Kibum. He has always believed in seizing such moments, like when he goes on stage. No matter how many times he has performed a certain song, each performance is unique for Taemin… it becomes a moment that can never be repeated. And just as he found passion for something outside performing—Kibum—he is also going to give his all on these moments that are for him.

They lean their faces toward each other to close the cursed gap between them, but a knock on the bedroom door jolts them and causes them to stand on their feet.

“Taemin? Kibum? Are you guys up? I’m sorry Jinki and I just crashed last night. We were so exhausted. We didn’t hear you guys return from the festival.”

\--

_Setting: Santiago, Chile_

They all headed next to Chile for Taemin’s one-night concert and to participate in another SM Town event with other artists.

Preparations are underway, however, Taemin’s backup dancer Dongsoo (one of the two male dancers who dance mainly alongside him) contracted a virus and is advised to be quarantined for the time being. It would have crippled the group dynamics of their performances, but Jonghyun’s quick thinking solves the problem— Kibum, the ever reliable interpreter who has been Taemin’s stylist as of late, is given twenty-four hours to learn all of Dongsoo’s parts.

Thanks to his training in musical theater and his natural talent in dancing, Kibum manages to take the stage alongside Taemin and perform as though it was a role that was made specifically for him.

For Taemin’s part, being on stage with Kibum is exhilarating. He has always known the kind of happiness that comes with performing, but ever since Kibum came into his life, he discovered another source of happiness. So performing with Kibum is like meshing together his two joys.

\--

Everyone present during the final rehearsal was blown away by Taemin and Kibum’s rapport and the latter’s performance. Kibum only committed a single slipup, but only because Jinchae, Taemin’s other “main” backup dancer, taught him the wrong steps for a particular portion in _Thirsty_. It was an integral part in the performance since it involves a direct dance interaction with Taemin.

Jonghyun finds it strange because Jinchae did the part correctly in the final run-through. He asked Jinchae afterwards if he had forgotten the choreo when he was teaching it to Kibum, and Jinchae’s response startled Jonghyun.

“Manager-nim, I’ve been doing _Thirsty_ for more than a year now. Do you really think I’d forget the steps? I taught Key the right steps, but I woudn’t be surprised if he forgot because he tries so hard to do so much for Tae- I mean, for this tour.”

Jonghyun wanted to reply to the curt remark but he saw Jinki gesture for him to go inside the dressing room.

“Jjong, I overheard what he said. It could be true, but just to let you know, Kibum’s talent in memorizing dance steps is staggering. Remember when he danced _Press Your Number_ at the hotel club in Tokyo? That was just after watching Taemin’s videos on YouTube. How do you think he’d do if a choreography was actually taught to him?”

"Yeah, I find that odd too, sweetheart."

“Another thing, Jjongie...” Jinki holds up a blazer with a ripped backside. “There’s no time to have a blazer custom-made for Kibum so he was supposed to use Dongsoo’s. But when we went through the dancers’ wardrobe, we found Dongsoo’s blazer like this. It cannot be salvaged.”

“Okay, the main dancers won’t wear blazers then. Kibum and Jinchae will just wear the sleeveless shirts they’re supposed to wear under their blazers. But Taemin is in a sleeveless shirt too, so tell Kibum to make Tae wear something else. He can’t be in a similar style as his dancers.”

\--

Upon Kibum’s advice, Taemin goes shirtless for his performance but is wearing an unbuttoned cotton shirt. Kibum ties a red scarf around one of Taemin’s thighs to accentuate the sexy way Taemin’s leather pants are hugging his legs. While Kibum is busy adjusting the scarf, Taemin watches the way his silky arms (that are bare because of Kibum’s sleeveless shirt) are revealing muscles and veins.

And then their eyes lock... Kibum still on his knees in front of Taemin after putting the scarf detail. Kibum gulps when he sees that Taemin is sucking in his own lower lip while looking at Kibum’s hands that are still on his thigh. The tension is so thick between them that they’re not even aware of their own gestures, or in Kibum’s case, of where his hands are. But Jinchae clearing his throat dramatically breaks the tension like rock thrown at a windshield. 

On his way out of the dressing room, Jinchae bumps into Jinki, who doesn’t miss the look of annoyance on the dancer’s face.

_Why do I have a bad feeling about this person?_

\--

“Taemin, you’re not going to believe what the fans are talking about!” Jonghyun pulls Taemin to join him on the couch.

“Jjong-hyung, if you’re going to tell me that they noticed Key and are raving about him, it isn’t something unbelievable.” 

Jonghyun shows his phone to Taemin and scrolls through all his social media accounts to show him the photos and video clips that have gone viral, as well as the comments and captions from netizens.

_Taemin’s new backup dancer is HOOOOOOOOOOOOT!_

_He’s actually Taemin’s interpreter! His name is KEY. Damn he fine._

_#KeyOppa step on me!_

_So handsome! And he dances so well! <3_

_The new backup dancer dude is DISTRACTING. *drools_

_More interactions between Taemin & Key please! They got great chemistry._

Taemin snatches Jonghyun’s phone and continues browsing for more images and comments.

As Jonghyun watches Taemin smile with sparkling eyes at the outpouring of praises for Kibum, he feels his heart swell with nostalgia. He has been working with Taemin since the latter was a skinny pre-pubescent trainee. Jonghyun witnessed how Taemin worked very hard to get to where he is and how the boy evolved into an authentic artist. But Taemin’s life has always been about that— his work, his art, and his fans. He entered adulthood with a singular devotion to his craft.

Jongyun sighs. He doesn’t need to hear it from Taemin. Jonghyun knows the day has come…

Lee Taemin has fallen in love. 


	21. 21 ONE BY ONE

21 ONE BY ONE

_(POV: Kibum)_

Since that unforgettable night in Rio, my senses seem to have been reprogrammed in such a way that it is attuned to every movement of Taemin, even his smallest gestures— The way he holds his water jug and drinks from it, the way he releases his breath in full exhale, the way he casually wipes sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand… Everything he does feeds my need to be taken by him once again.

So this is quite a bigger problem now that I’m supposed to be his main backup dancer (actually, one of the two) because most of Taemin’s performances just scream sex. And if Jonghyun’s warning glares during rehearsals are any indication, Taemin and I are both enjoying dancing together a little bit too much.

What Jjong doesn’t know is that the lingering looks and touches between Taemin and I aren’t brought on by a desire to chart unknown territories of each other but by a desire to explore each other **again.**

Needless to say I’m suffering at the moment, since we’re doing _One By One_ at the SM Town Event and Taemin is currently teaching me the steps. Whenever Taemin grinds on the floor with those jelly hips of his, I can’t drive out the thought that he can ride my dick that well. I guess it’s also because I’ve never actually topped anyone before. My American boyfriend Ezra was my first real boyfriend and for the couple of years we dated, he was the only one who topped. He claims to be bisexual and can only top when fucking a man. In hindsight, I should have realized then that it shouldn’t have been an issue if we truly loved and trusted each other. I guess his ego precedes the true essence of intimacy.

Now that I’m watching Taemin grind to the deliciously slow beat of the song, I can’t help wonder if he likes and trusts me enough to let me top him next time. Wait, what the hell am I talking about?! What next time? We made one mistake and that is it! _Get a grip, Kim Kibum!_

“…and then you slide sideways. Hyung? Hyung!”

Taemin had to yell for me to snap out of my shameful thoughts.

“I’m sorry, Taem. I’m just a bit nervous because this particular step is really provocative.”

Taemin stands up, and just as I was starting to think that he’s walking out on me, I see him peer outside the door before getting back in and closing the door behind him.

He takes the remote control to play the song again and before I know it, he is on top of me, straddling my hips.

“Taemin, what the--“

“Ssshhh, relax. I’m teaching you the proper way to execute the step.”

I was going to push him off but the way Taemin is attached to my body feels perfect. It feels like he’s an organ that completes my anatomy.

“Come to think of it, you don’t really need lessons, hyung. You did an amazing job riding me that night in Rio.”

It really isn’t fair that Taemin’s grinding on me like this and talking in his airy voice from that thick mouth of his. Yes, we’re both hard and we know it since we’re rubbing crotches. But I still feel at a disadvantage here because there hasn’t been any weapon invented that could defeat Taemin’s hips.

“When the time is right, I want you to take me, hyung. I want you to feel what I felt and vice-versa.”

And there’s the answer to my question: Taemin would let me top him. _Oh fuck._ This thought will hound me every minute of my existence.

“You want me to take you, Taemin? You want **_this_** inside you?” I thrusted upward with a tad bit force, causing Taemin to throw his head back. When he faced me again, his eyes look completely different. It’s glazed and narrowed. I felt like the prey this time.

“Yes. Just like how I took you that night. You remember it clearly, right? How I stuffed you so good?”

It’s a battle I was meant to lose right from the moment Taemin decided we would perform _One By One._ And to show my sportsmanship in the face of defeat, I pulled him in by the neck for a vigorous kiss.

_(What? I’m sorry, Taemin played the song so loud that I cannot hear the voice of reason!)_

I break the kiss after a while to catch my breath.

“Baby, I didn’t know you like dirty talk.”

“I actually just found out, Kibummie-hyung. Oh, and I like it when you call me _baby_.”

“I’d love to talk dirty right now but I’d rather shove my long tongue inside that big delicious mouth of yours… _bae-by_.”

The intensity of our French kissing and hip grinding would’ve resulted to us cumming in our sweatpants if we hadn’t heard the door slamming shut.

We pulled away from each other at once only to find the room empty except for us.

“Fuck, Taemin, someone came in and definitely saw us! I thought you locked the door.”

“I also thought I did.”

“Shit, shit. What are we going to do?”

“What can we do, hyung? We’ll just have to wait and see.”

\--

_(Third Person POV)_

Kai is practicing the steps he’s going to add to his dance break when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket.

Taemin: “Dude, go to my dressing room after your set. I want to talk to you about something.”

Kai: “Sure, dude. But why do you sound so serious? LOL It better not be a confession that you like Key too!”

Fifteen minutes later, Kai begins to wonder why Taemin hasn’t replied to his text. Their playful text banters usually go on for hours, sometimes only ending because of bedtime.

_He must be busy rehearsing._

Kai’s thoughts are interrupted when their leader Suho pats him on the shoulder.

“Jongin, I ran into Taemin’s interpreter. So he’s a backup dancer now. He looks hot in his dance costume. Actually, he’s really hot.”

“Hyung, with all due respect, Key is mine.”

“Did you say _Key_? Yah, Suho, get in line. We saw him first in Singapore.” Heechul butts in, since he happened to tag along with Kyuhyun, who’s in the EXO dressing room to chat with Suho.

“Not ‘we’, hyung. I saw him first!” Kai is now play-punching Heechul’s tummy.

“Damnit, Jongin! I haven’t forgotten that you punched me on the face!”

“You were being a pig that night, Heechul-hyung!”

“Well, if the basis is who’s first to see Key, then we all lose to Taemin,” Suho says matter-of-factly.

For some reason, Kai’s jovial mood turns gloomy. _What if Taemin does like Key?_

Scenes from their night-out in Singapore flash before Kai’s eyes: Taemin getting up from his seat to attack Heechul for harassing Key but Kai beats him to it, Taemin making a mad dash to get to him and Key before they could leave together, and Taemin and him in a tug-of-war because both wanted to bring Key safely back to the hotel.

_And what about Taemin’s text message earlier? But, no… he could’ve mentioned something sooner, if ever. Besides, we went out drinking and I told him I like Key and I’m pursuing him. He didn’t object or anything. What if he fell for Key after that? No, no… Taemin and I text, Skype, and call each other. He would’ve said something._

Suho taps Kai’s shoulder, seeing that the latter has drifted off somewhere else. “Taemin’s up next. Let’s go watch their set.”

\--

Taemin takes the stage and performs _Danger,_ _Press Your Number_ , and _Move_.

Kai has seen Taemin perform a thousand times. But he has never seen his best friend dance that way with any of his backup dancers, not even with Dongsoo and Jinchae, who are his main dancers. Every time he looks at Key, his eyes look extra fierce… and Taemin looks in Key’s direction more than he should.

As for Key, he is obviously focused on executing the choreography as best as he can, and what a marvelous job he’s doing; Kai is more captivated by Key now since he is a dancer himself. However, there was one portion in _Press Your Number_ when Taemin was feeling himself up and he glanced at Key. For a split-second, Kai sees Key blush. Kai starts wishing that he’s just reading too much into innocent gestures.

They are down to their last song, _One By One_. Kai knows that the steps to this particular song is more lascivious than _Press Your Number,_ so he gets ready to observe more closely. True enough, when Taemin starts grinding on the floor, he glances to his side at Key and for a moment it looked like their eyes locked. Now they are both grinding with their eyes fixed on each other.

If Kai wasn’t sure earlier, now he’s certain… _Taemin has feelings for Key._

\--

Due to the last-minute changes in EXO’s lineup, Kai wasn’t able to go to Taemin’s dressing room to talk as the latter requested. Nevertheless, Super Junior invited EXO, Taemin, and Key to karaoke. As per tradition of SM Artists every time they wrap an SM Town event in a foreign land, they party until the wee hours of the morning. Hence, there will be an opportunity for Kai and Taemin to talk.

SuJu and EXO were already lounging inside the karaoke room when Taemin and Key arrive. For reasons unknown to Kai and even to Taemin and Key, the boys of both groups started whistling and cheering as the “couple” entered the room. And for reasons that are now known to Kai, Taemin blushes. Kai doesn’t see Key’s reaction because the latter is hiding behind Taemin.

Heechul approaches them, flashing a peace sign at Taemin and then bowing deeply at Key. After he apologizes for his behavior that night in Singapore, Heechul graciously offers his seat, a single-seater couch, which is now the only available seat in the room. Heechul then throws himself on Siwon’s lap.

Kai is about to offer Key his space on the big couch he’s sharing with his members, but Taemin and Key have comfortably sat on the chair. It is a wonder how two adults managed to occupy that seat at the same time, but then again they are sitting almost sideways, with Taemin behind Key, and they look like they’re spooning in a sitting position. Kai chugs the contents of the giant beer mug in front of him.

After several drinks and shameful renditions of decent songs, the boys demand that Taemin or Key sing next. Taemin proposes a rock-paper-scissor game since neither he nor Key wants to sing. Key agrees to the game but he already knows his fate because he never wins in the classic rock-paper-scissor game. And lose he did.

Since everyone has sang power ballads and mushy love songs, Key picked a song from one of the Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals he has done in the past. And as he sang, everyone got really quiet.

**_I Don’t Know How To Love Him_ **

_I don't know how to love him  
What to do, how to move him  
I've been changed, yes really changed  
In these past few days, when I've seen myself,_

_I seem like someone else_

  
_I don't know how to take this  
I don't see why he moves me  
He's a man. He's just a man_

_And I've had so many men before  
In very many ways  
He's just one more_

  
_Should I bring him down?_

_Should I scream and shout?  
Should I speak of love?  
Let my feelings out?_

  
_I never thought I'd come to this_

_What's it all about?_

  
_Don't you think it's rather funny  
I should be in this position  
I'm the one who's always been_

_So calm, so cool, no lover's fool  
Running every show  
He scares me so_

  
_I never thought I'd come to this_

_What's it all about?_

  
_Yet, if he said he loved me,  
I'd be lost. I'd be frightened  
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope_

_I'd turn my head. I'd back away  
I wouldn't want to know_   
  


_He scares me so  
I want him so_

_I love him so._

“Somebody’s in love.”

“Excuse me, Heechul, it’s a song from a musical I was in called **_Jesus Christ Superstar_**.”

“It’s your song for Lee Taemin Superstar!”

Key wouldn’t be able to voice out his protest amidst the clapping and howling of the boys. But what concerns him more is how flustered he must look, for he can feel his face burning.

Taemin, who’s already tipsy from drinking beer, wraps an arm around Key’s waist and whispers, “Don’t you really know how to… love… me?”

Kai is a bit drunk himself but he knows his mind is clear enough to figure out that there is more to his discovery that Taemin likes Key— And that is… the feeling is mutual.

Kai laughs at his own foolishness and moves to get up and exit the room.

The sound of Kai’s name being called by his members snaps Taemin out of his stupor. His eyes widen and he turns to Key who looks as guilt-stricken as Taemin feels.

_Shit! Kai! I haven’t talked to him!_


	22. 22 TRUTH

22 TRUTH

“Kai! Nini! Please… dude! Let’s talk! Dude, please!” Taemin runs a good distance until his drunken limbs catch up with him and he trips on his own feet. “Aaahhh!”

Cursing himself for not being a jerk enough to just leave his traitorous best friend on the dirty ground, Kai turns around and approaches Taemin, who actually looks pitiful in his now mud-drenched shirt.

\--

Kibum hasn’t really been drinking but he grabs Taemin’s half-filled beer mug and drinks it straight.

“Don’t worry, Key. They’ve been best friends for a long time. Taemin can fix this. If he can’t, then you’ll just have to blame your gorgeous piece of a--“

“Heechul, shut up and just get back here.” Siwon winks at Kibum, who mouths a _thank you_ at Heechul’s sober bandmate.

“Fine, I’m sorry, Key! I was just teasing you to help calm your nerves. That’s what good friends do, ya know? Wait… I know how I can cheer you up! I’ll sing for you!”

Heechul grabs the songbook from Donghae and presses a set of numbers on the remote after going over the list of songs.

“Hey, listen up, everyone! Will some of you please stop sucking face! I’m gonna sing a song for Taemin and Key! So, Key, since you love musicals, I’ll sing this for you, and also since _Moulin Rouge_ is my favorite musical. Well, it’s a film. It’s called a musical too, right? Anyway, here ya go. For you and that lucky bastard Lee Taemin.”

_COME WHAT MAY_

_Never knew I could feel like this_

_Like I've never seen the sky before_

_Want to vanish inside your kiss_

_Every day I love you more and more_

_Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing_

_Telling me to give you everything_

_Seasons may change, winter to spring_

_But I love you, until the end of time_

_Come what may_

_Come what may_

_I will love you until my dying day_

_Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place_

_Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace_

_Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste_

_It all revolves around you_

_And there's no mountain too high_

_No river too wide_

_Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side_

_Storm clouds may gather_

_And stars may collide_

_But I love you_

_I love you_

_Until the end of time_

_Come what may_

_Come what may_

_I will love you, until my dying day_

In spite of Heechul’s crazy antics, Kibum realizes that he actually picked the perfect song. It does seem that all the odds are against him and Taemin, so there’s no telling what will happen to them. All Kibum is sure of is how he feels about the superstar. 

Kibum looks at Heechul and smiles at him appreciatively.

Heechul returns the smile but feels a pang of regret inside because he sees the sadness in Kibum’s eyes.

\--

“I can’t blame you if you hate me. I knew you were head over heels. You even asked me to help you. But you have to believe me, Nini… I never meant to hurt you. Key and I… we’re not even allowed to date. But to tell you the truth, I do have feelings for Key. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I don’t know what to do anymore! I can’t even call him mine. So please don’t tell me I’ve lost you, Nini. Everything’s so messed up. I’m so sorry!”

Taemin crashes his head on the table in front of him. He and Kai are back at the karaoke place but are seated at the bar. Taemin starts pounding his forehead on the wooden surface.

“Stop it, Taemin. Stop beating yourself over it. What kind of a person am I if I get angry over two wonderful people falling in love? I mean--“

Kai’s speech is cut when Taemin lunges at him from his bar stool and crushes Kai in a bear hug.

“Thank you…” Taemin wanted to say more but is prevented by a series of uncontrollable sniffles.

Kai rubs Taemin’s back and when the latter releases him to wipe the tears on his cheeks, Kai continues his interrupted speech.

“Taemin, you don’t have to thank me. If I wasn’t so blinded by my attraction to Key, I would’ve seen that you two liked each other from the start. I didn’t even warn you or anything. You two were becoming closer and I just announced to you that I’m going after Key. I’ve just realized that I caught you off-guard. And being a true and loving friend that you are, you agreed to help me without questions.”

“I was really going to help you, Nini. But there are just forces stronger than our own will.”

“Shit, Taem. You really got it bad for Key.” Kai sighs. “Well… since I made a sacrifice here, you owe me.”

“I thought you said I don’t even have to thank you.”

“That was earlier. I think I need something like a consolation, you know. Tell me… have you two done it? Tell me how Key’s like. Is every inch of his skin really that flawless? And those perfect lips… does he--“

“Hey, hey! Did Heechul’s spirit possess you or something?”

“Come on, Taem. We’re best buddies. We talk about the good, the bad, and the naughty!”

“Not about Key! I won’t kiss and tell!”

“So you’ve done the deed! Please, Taem! I already waived my right to pursue him. At least let me enjoy imagining him in bed!”

“You’re really going from gentleman to pig? Kim Jongin, you disappoint me.”

“Shut up, Taem. If it were me hooking up with Key, wouldn’t you like to hear the details? Come on. He’s too beautiful not to get any of us wondering how it’s like to be with him that way.”

“I’m sorry I’m the lucky guy who gets to tap that one. And I’m sorry I’m too selfish to give out details.”

“I hate you, Taemin. Don’t come to me for help or advice on anything concerning your love life. Never mind that I’m so much more experienced in the romance department.”

“Ah, don’t blackmail me, dude. Fine, I’ll tell you this much… he is smooth as silk anywhere you touch him and he makes perfect use of his perfect hands and perfect lips. That’s it. If you ask for more details, I’m gonna punch you for real”

“Fuuuuuuuck…” Kai stares at blank space, seemingly deep in thought and earning him a smack on the head from Taemin.

“Stop imagining Key that way, you pig! Let’s go back in there. I’m sure he’s worried sick about us.”

\--

Relief washes over Kibum’s face as he sees Taemin and Kai enter the room grinning at each other. He gets up from his seat, eager to ask Taemin if things between him and Kai are as okay as it looks, but before Kibum could open his mouth, Taemin presses his against it.

The room is suddenly in uproar, with all the boys howling and whistling at Taemin’s unexpected public display of affection for Kibum.

Kibum breaks the kiss and buries his face in the crook of Taemin’s neck, the redness of his ears visible.

"Why did you do that in front of everyone here?”

“Don’t worry, Kibummie. SuJu and EXO are my family. We look out for each other.” Taemin sits down on their one-seater and pulls Kibum on his lap.

The sweetness of the “couple” enlivens the mood inside the room even more and everyone resumes drinking and singing.

After an hour, Kibum tells Taemin he’s going with Donghae and Eunhyuk on their way back to the hotel since he’s pretty exhausted.

Taemin gets up to leave with Kibum but the latter suggests that he spends more time with his friends, especially Kai, since they’re all leaving Chile the next day and it’ll be a while before Taemin sees the boys again.

Taemin agrees but only after successfully soliciting kisses from Kibum.

“Get a room!” yells Suho.

“No, you can do it here! We wouldn’t mind!” Heechul says, earning him a glare from Siwon.

\--

Shortly before sunrise, the boys finally decide to end their karaoke party.

Taemin scrambles inside the hotel room and sheds his shoes, jacket, and shirt before crawling on top of Kibum’s sleeping form. He presses his lips against the side of Kibum’s blanketed head and whispers seductively while rubbing himself on Kibum.

“Every time I look at my cock, I can’t unsee your lovely lips and pink hole around it. It drives me crazy.”

Taemin is suddenly pushed away with such swift and strong force that he ends up on his bum on the floor.

To his horror, Taemin realizes that the sleeping man he just jumped isn’t Kibum.

“Taemin, I am not going to talk to you right now because you’re drunk. But I want you and Kibum to meet me for breakfast first thing in the morning.”

Jonghyun shuts the door behind him as he leaves the room. He didn’t slam the door but there is wringing in Taemin’s ears that is without a doubt his own nerves screaming at him.


	23. 23 THE DUTY OF LOVE

23 THE DUTY OF LOVE

“I’m not going to beat around the bush. When did you two start sleeping together? And I don’t mean _sleeping together_ in the literal sense.” Jonghyun is intently eyeing Kibum and Taemin, who have only managed to order toasts for breakfast. The worry too evident on their faces.

Taemin looks like he is trying to melt the chunk of butter on his toast with his eyes so Kibum decides to speak up for them.

“Jjong, it only happened once. In Rio de Janeiro. I’m really sorry, but believe me, Taemin and I have been trying with all our might to control ourselves. It’s not our intention to mess things up for all of us.”

Jonghyun takes a deep sigh, prompting Jinki to rub his back for comfort.

“I think everyone in this table can agree that you two getting together is a wonderful thing. But you do understand why it cannot happen at this point in time, right?”

Without realizing it, Kibum and Taemin are nodding their heads in unison. The truth is that they both understand Jonghyun’s point. No words need to be spoken to justify the need for Jonghyun to keep things under control.

Taemin has been part of SM long enough to know what the company can do to him and Kibum should it reach their knowledge that there is something going on between them. Besides, it is in Taemin’s contract to keep the management informed if and when he decides to date someone, and it is their prerogative to decide what the public should or shouldn’t know about the matter. And considering the fact that Kibum is a man, Taemin knows better than to be reckless about their “closeness”.

As for Kibum, the words in the contract he signed not too long ago constantly pop in his memory: “Breaching professional relationship with the artist will be grounds for termination and total ban from any SM-related employment, project, activity, and event. This includes any inappropriate dalliance with the artist.”

Kibum realizes that being with Taemin feels like a dream because it is a dream. In the real world he lives in, he is penniless but is expected to provide for himself and for his mother, who is currently institutionalized. He needs this job. And with his enhanced role in Taemin’s career from just being his interpreter initially, Kibum is getting paid well enough to be able to afford paying the institution, his rent, and his mother’s medical needs.

But there are times when Kibum is more concerned about Taemin than himself. He believes Taemin has so much more to lose because if his career is wrecked, the future will be bleak for Lee Taemin. And all of Taemin’s hard work for many years will lose relevance in a blink of an eye.

Kibum and Taemin are well aware of the fragility of their situation. But at least they can be present in each other’s life and this should be enough for now. So they both promise Jonghyun, whose job is also on the line, that they will keep their relationship platonic.

\--

Their U.S. shows are so successful that it feels like the universe is trying to serve them a sense of balance or rewarding them for their sacrifice. After all, it isn’t easy being with the object of your affection all the time but only on professional or friendly terms. 

Jonghyun deeply admires Taemin and Kibum’s capacity to love each other selflessly. It is clear to him that both of them are doing this for each other’s welfare. Besides, they would rather work together than be pulled apart and banned from ever seeing each other. Especially that in the course of working together, they are able to take care of each other.

It then falls upon Jonghyun’s shoulders to keep the non-lovers in check… because there are times when their manner of caring for each other is too intense.

Like on one occasion when Taemin was being interviewed on American TV for a morning entertainment show. Kibum didn’t miss the host’s mocking tone when asking Taemin about the “lack of masculinity” in his image as a pop star and the way the man laughed when a video clip of Taemin swaying his hips gracefully was played.

“Taemin, how is it like to have a soft, effeminate image when you could have been an actual rockstar in the Kpop scene? 

Instead of interpreting the question for Taemin so the latter can answer, Kibum replies with his own question for the host.

“Sir, how is it like to be a gossip reporter in an early morning filler show when you could have been an actual journalist?” Not contented with his sarcastic retort, Kibum cheekily faces the camera and winks.

Needless to say that the interview was cut short. Jonghyun was sure that they’d be in trouble, but the responses that swept social media actually saved them. Taemin’s artistry and androgynous beauty were defended by many and Kibum’s bravery was applauded. The reporter could only set his social media accounts on private and the network he works for summons him for disciplinary action.

When Jinki tells Taemin what Kibum said to the reporter, the boy wastes no time and barges inside their dressing room. Kibum was discussing stage blockings with Jinchae when Taemin grabs his shoulder, turns him around and hugs him tightly.

“O-okay, Taem. I guess it’s because of what I told that asshole reporter? It was just the right thing to do, babe. No need to be grateful.”

“You were actually out of line, Key. You could’ve gotten Taemin into trouble. What if he gets banned from appearing on American TV shows because of what you did?” Jinchae folds his arms across his chest.

“I know. I take back what I said. It wasn’t the right thing to do; it was reckless. I just couldn’t stand the way that jerk was insulting Taemin. But you’re right, Jinchae. I was out of line.”

Jinchae is taken aback, for he was expecting Kibum to defend himself in front of Taemin.

“Jinchae, I don’t think Key was out of line. That guy was. I’m a guest in their show and he was supposed to be a professional. But anyway, thank you both for your concern.” Taemin pulls Kibum for another hug but immediately lets go when the other dancers enter the room.

\-- 

Thanks to Kibum’s increasing popularity, SM shrugs off the morning show issue.

Kibum’s on-screen wink has become a gif that females are swooning over online and his Instagram followers have ballooned to 1.5 million. He is officially SM’s most popular backup dancer. And as much as Kibum would like to devote more time in tutoring Taemin in English and taking care of his wardrobe as his stylist, the demand for Kibum to be on stage proves to be greater.

Taemin is happy at the thought that Kibum has his own fans now. But Taemin is aware of the horrific downside of being famous so he gives Kibum advice on being more cautious, since everything he says and does henceforth has weight in the eyes of the public.

It then becomes a looming dreadful thought for Kibum and Taemin that being together is a lot more difficult now. It had been a tad easier when Kibum was merely in the shadows. But now it feels as if they have the world to contend with if they have to fight for their love in the future.

Their worry isn’t groundless; this they find out soon enough.

Fans are relentless when it comes to digging up images or information archived in the internet. And since they cannot get enough of Taemin and Kibum’s onstage chemistry and captivating beauty, the fans started shipping them and calling them TaeKey.

Soon, photos from the mobbing incident at Dubai Airport are unearthed and circulated… photos that show Taemin pressed to Kibum’s back with his arms around the latter’s waist and his face buried in Kibum’s nape (some even show Taemin’s lips pressed on Kibum’s neck) and Kibum with his arms stretched behind him and his hands on Taemin’s waist. And as if Pandora’s box has been opened, so many photographs of “TaeKey” emerge— airport arrivals/departures, press interviews, leaving events together, and stills from concert performances that show them touching, looking into each other’s eyes, smiling at the other, etc.

Taemin knows very well that it is a cute concept that fans seem to adore, but once the possibility of TaeKey being real hits them, it would all turn ugly. He is aware that he has fans that are actually obsessed with him and possessive of him. They would spew hatred towards him, especially towards Kibum.

“Taemin?” Jonghyun disrupts Taemin’s thoughts, much to the relief of the boy. However…

“Taemin, our PR executive called. She’s requesting a meeting with us via video conference."

Taemin suddenly feels sick in his stomach.


	24. 24 BURNING UP

24 BURNING UP

With Jonghyun’s help, Taemin manages to squash the rumors about him and Kibum during the video conference with their PR manager. The conversation ends without mention of any sanction for Taemin or Kibum, but the manager was generous in her warnings.

It was a close call, and Taemin knows he and Kibum must be cautious at all times. Especially that the PR manager supplied Taemin with information on the clause in Kibum’s contract which clearly states that Kibum is forbidden from having an affair with Taemin, be it serious or casual.

Jonghyun pats Taemin’s shoulder after the meeting, sensing the latter’s dampened spirits.

\--

Like the sunshine that he is in Taemin’s life, Kibum walks inside Taemin’s room with a big smile on his face, and for a moment, Taemin forgets the harsh reality of their situation.

Kibum’s smile is so beautiful that Taemin doesn’t know if it will melt him with happiness or crush him with despair because he can’t possibly have the owner of that smile at this time. He cannot even give in to the desire to crash his lips onto that smile and kiss Kibum breathless.

“Taem, I have good news! Jonghyun allowed me to do one show for our theater group!”

They are in the last leg of the tour, with U.S. being the final stop since they are doing a series of shows in different states. And they are currently in New York, where Kibum grew up.

Kibum sought permission from Jonghyun to perform for just one night at a theater in Brooklyn. They are on a break for a whole week and Kibum’s role in the musical is one that he is just reprising, so he’ll only require three days of rehearsal before the show. Besides, it is not a major role so Kibum is confident he can get it done.

Kibum misses theater so badly, and since he and Taemin are in some kind of “withdrawal”, this is something that he needs and something that will do his soul well.

“That’s great, hyung! Can I come and watch it?”

“Of course, silly! That’s why I came straight here after talking to Jjong. I want you to be there. It isn’t a major role, thank god. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to participate. But _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_ is one of the most fun musicals I’ve ever done so I’m really excited.”

“I’m excited too. I’ve always wanted to see you in a musical since we’ve talked about all the previous shows you’ve done. I know it’s your passion. I can’t wait to be in the audience and just watch you perform, hyung.”

Kibum has been on different stages as an actor/performer so he isn’t exactly the shy type. But Taemin has a way of making him feel suddenly shy that his face contorts in a ridiculous way, with his dimples appearing and his cheeks burning. It amazes Kibum how his feelings for Taemin seem to occupy such a broad, colorful spectrum. What he doesn’t know is that Taemin feels the exact same way.

But as of late, every time they sense that their feelings are about to take their bodies hostage, they control the situation by having one of them leave the room. This time, since it is Taemin’s hotel room (he and Kibum have their own rooms now), Kibum makes the move to exit. But only after flashing another shy smile at Taemin before completely turning around and going out the door.

Taemin sighs the second he’s alone.

“Oh, Kibum… what have you done to me?” Taemin allows his head to fall on his fluffy pillow.

\--

It is Taemin’s first time to watch a musical in America, so he is utterly excited. But more than this, the chance to see Kibum in his element is what Taemin is looking forward to the most.

He is patting down the front of the brown suede jacket he decides to wear to the show when Taemin’s phone beeps from an incoming text message.

_Kibum_ : “See you later, hot patootie. I hope you enjoy the show.”

Taemin snickers at the funny term of endearment before replying to the message.

_Taemin_ : “Impossible for me not to enjoy the show. YOU are in it.”

\--

Taemin arrives with Jonghyun and Jinki at St. Ann's Warehouse, a performing arts theater in Brooklyn, for _The Rocky Horror Picture Show._

Kibum got them good front row seats, and this boosts Taemin’s excitement further.

Half an hour into the show, Taemin is enjoying the zany musical extravaganza but he couldn’t concentrate on it a hundred percent because at the back of his mind, he keeps wondering when Kibum’s part will be up.

And when Kibum finally appears on stage, Taemin’s loses his breath.

It is nothing short of a dramatic entrance, with Kibum riding on a motorbike in the tightest blue jeans in the planet, a band shirt with cut-off sleeves and a sleeveless leather jacket over it, and studded boots. He’s wearing smokey-eye makeup and his arms are covered in fake tattoos. And across his forehead is a huge faux surgical scar. Taemin knows very well that scars look sexy on Kibum, given how appealing his eyebrow scar is, and also the teardrop scar on his cheek that he got from protecting Taemin at the airport. Taemin didn’t expect that even a Frankenstein _ish_ head scar would look cute on Kibum.

Never in his life did Taemin want to ride a motorbike more than he does now... but with Kibum on it.

Taemin is stewing in his seat with all sorts of emotions— pride, admiration for Kibum’s acting and singing skills, and burning desire. Taemin wants to bang him again so badly that he squirms in his chair, struggling with a developing hard-on.

When Kibum sings the chorus part in his solo, Taemin makes sense of what Kibum called him in his text message...

“Hot Patootie, bless my soul...” sang Kibum.

Taemin doesn’t miss Kibum’s glances at him, and this makes him feel giddy.

What Taemin doesn’t expect is to be suddenly hit by jealousy.

It gets to the part when Kibum’s character, Eddie, is reunited with his girlfriend, Columbia. Kibum, or Eddie, is sensually rough with Columbia, making Taemin uncomfortable. But when the American actress who plays Columbia crashes her lips on Kibum’s, Taemin feels like his head is being roasted on fire. He couldn’t help shooting a glare at them which Jonghyun sees, so he nudges Taemin’s side. And although Jonghyun applied a bit force on it, Taemin didn’t seem to notice and continued to stare daggers at the stage couple.

Eventually, Taemin forces himself to forget the kissing scene and enjoy the rest of the show. Fortunately, all the succeeding scenes are fun so the show ends with Taemin applauding the whole cast enthusiastically.

\--

“Kibum! Congratulations! What a great show!”

Jonghyun and Jinki hug Kibum when the latter joins them at the theater lobby. Taemin shuffles shyly behind them until Kibum grabs both his hands.

“Hey, my hot patootie.” Kibum smiles slyly, seemingly still in character.

“You were awesome, hyung. Congratulations.”

Taemin is about to hug Kibum when a shrilly voice grabs their attention.

“Eddieeeeeeeeeee!”

The girl who played Columbia launches herself on Kibum’s back for a piggy ride.

“Sweetheart, you did so well! And I enjoyed those lips.”

Kibum looks at Taemin, who is now staring at the floor. One would think Taemin is just shy, until his balled fists come into view.

Kibum clears his throat and moves to settle the girl down on her feet.

“Uhm, Amy, these are my friends Jonghyun, Jinki... and this hot patootie here is Taemin.”

“Hi! Nice to meet you all. So you’re the superstar our Kibummie works with.”

“ **My** Kibummie and I don’t just work together, we--“

“Amy, you did a good job. Congratulations,” Jonghyun butts in while giving Taemin a warning look.

Before Kibum could say anything to break the ice, he is suddenly caught in a bear hug by someone whom he didn’t see approaching.

“My Bumbum! God, you were amazing! And you’re looking so damn fine as ever. I missed you a lot, honey.” The guy leans in to kiss Kibum, who quickly docks his head, so the guy’s lips end up on the side of his head.

“Oh my god, Ezra! I didn’t expect to see you!”

_Fucking great_ , Taemin thinks. _First, Kibum’s bimbo co-star assaults him, and now the fucking ex-boyfriend shows up. Fucking great._

“Ezra, these are my friends Jonghyun, Jinki, and Tae-- Taemin?”

Taemin is gone before Kibum could finish saying his name, prompting Kibum to run after him.

“Who is that guy and why did he walk out?” Ezra asks Jonghyun and Jinki.

“Sorry, we don’t speak English very well. Excuse us. Annyeong!” Jonghyun bows and grabs Jinki, who is wondering why Jonghyun just lied to the American guy.

\--

“Taemin? Taem, I know you’re in there.” Kibum is knocking on the door of one of the lavatory stalls.

Taemin wants to blow off some steam, but he knows that Kibum wouldn’t leave unless he talks to him.

“I’m okay, hyung. I just… I’ll be out soon, okay? You should be out there, entertaining your friends and fans.”

Kibum stops knocking but rests his forehead on the door.

“Taemin, I’m sorry. I know it’s about Amy. I saw your face after the scene. But you’re in show business too. You know that kiss meant nothing.”

“I know. But I hated it! Do you realize how long it has been since we last kissed?”

“You know why, Taemin. But you also know that if I could have it my way, that wouldn’t be the case.”

“What about your ex-boyfriend? Would you have let him kiss you if I weren’t there?”

“No, Taemin. I wouldn’t let him kiss me.”

“Why not? You’re not in a relationship with anyone.”

“You’re not in any relationship too, Taemin, but would you kiss anyone other than me?”

“You kissed that girl.”

“It was in the script! I didn’t even open my mouth even if we were supposed to kiss passionately! Taemin, it’s acting. Just like what you did when you were in that one TV show and had to pretend that you like your fake wife.”

Taemin suddenly realized that Kibum actually watched the shows he did before they met. And he remembered how the director of the show Kibum was referring to grilled him about doing a better job at convincing people that he’s falling for his pretend wife.

“I’m sorry, hyung. I just hate this non-relationship. I have no right to be jealous, but here I am acting so immature. I really enjoyed the musical and you were wonderful in it. It’s your night. I should’ve controlled my emotions even if those two were flirting with you.”

“Taemin, people come on to me just like how people come on to you. It even happens to you more often. And this is America, Taemin. People are more forward.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry, hyung. I just miss… you know. I miss kissing you.”

“Will you please open the door and let me in? I can rectify that.”


	25. 25 BLACK HOLE

25 BLACK HOLE

Taemin feels like his knees will give out with just the mere hot breath of Kibum on his face.

He knew right that moment that he cannot really blame Amy or Ezra for wanting to steal kisses from this beautiful man. Especially that—like Taemin—they’ve savored Kibum’s perfectly shaped soft lips.

Still, Taemin wants his and Kibum’s kisses to be special... more special than the rest. And this wish is reflected in Taemin’s eyes as he now looks at Kibum while pinned against the wall inside the lavatory stall.

“Taemin, if I kiss you, will you stop being upset over Amy and Ezra?” Kibum’s fingers ghost over Taemin’s lips, causing a tingle in the latter’s spine.

“You should only kiss me because you want to and not because I’m upset.”

“Tae, you know that us wanting to kiss is not and will never be the issue. The problem is losing control, which is what will happen if we kiss.”

“Fuck control. Just kiss me, Kibum.”

The force of Taemin’s searing gaze silences the nagging voices inside Kibum’s head.

Kibum thumbs Taemin’s chin, moving it in circles to buy his sensible self more time. But with one particular tug at his chin, Taemin lets his mouth hang open, and this serves as the last straw for Kibum.

Their kiss is devoid of caution... lips and tongues meld, driven only by urgency. Taemin clutches Kibum’s jacket to pull him close to the point that he himself feels his back squashed against the wall. Kibum pushes his hips forward as well, crashing his crotch on Taemin’s growing bulge and caressing the latter’s waist with his hands.

Their passionate kissing has accelerated to making out while rutting by the time Jonghyun enters the restroom. He immediately hears the lewd gasps and smacking of wet lips.

Jonghyun advances towards the door of the stall where all those noises are coming from but Jinki, who has been tailing him, rushes to get in front of him.

“Let me, Jjongie.”

Jonghyun’s stiff countenance instantly softens when Jinki touches his cheek.

Jinki knocks on the cubicle door twice.

“Key, Taemin, I’m sorry to interrupt you, but we have to leave.”

The earlier noise is reduced to panting; the couple inside the stall is obviously catching their breaths.

Taemin exits first but reaches behind him to grab Kibum’s hand, as if to say that he knows they’ve been caught but he has absolutely no regrets.

“I’m sorry, Jjong-hyung. I just got upset with Kibum earlier but we’re fine now.”

“Obviously. You still have drool all over your lips.”

Taemin sucks his lips in and looks at the floor in embarrassment.

“What were you thinking? This is a public place! How could you be so reckless?” The volume of Jonghyun’s voice lowers when Jinki pats his shoulder.

“Jjong, we’re so--“ Kibum is promptly interrupted by Jonghyun.

“I know what you’re going to say. I know you’re both sorry but I also know that this will keep on happening.”

In spite of the circumstances, Taemin does not let go of Kibum’s hand. He even intertwines their fingers when Jonghyun looks at them and sighs.

“Look... I know this is difficult, but you cannot afford to be caught. We’ll talk about this when we return to Seoul. But for now, can you please remain platonic? I’m begging you. Let’s wrap the tour and then we’ll figure things out, okay? We’re down to the last show, anyway. Can you do this for all of us?”

Taemin and Kibum both nod, and although there is sadness in their eyes, they both offer their understanding manager a smile.

\--

_Setting: Barclays Center, New York City_

Taemin toys with his rosary ring as he tries to let it all sink in… that it is the last show. He made it to the final stretch of his world tour, and he cannot help but be enveloped in the feeling of nostalgia. Taemin feels lucky to have his loyal fans, his competent crew, his ride-or-die manager and friend Jonghyun, and Kibum.

Kim Kibum. It is this tour that brought them together. And even if their circumstances are far from ideal in terms of romance, the fact that he has Kibum by his side makes everything worth it. Taemin has always loved performing for his fans and expressing his art, but Kibum’s presence has given his life new meaning.

Taemin grins at himself in the mirror because of the _cheesiness_ of his epiphany.

He looks at his outfit and, despite his lack of deep appreciation for fashion, Taemin knows that what he’s wearing is a stunning stage outfit— teal velvet jacket over a white Victorian shirt with a one-arm black velvet accessory from Chanel that is strapped across his chest and adorned with exquisitely beautiful brooches. Kibum outdid himself when he picked this outfit for Taemin.

“Taemin?” Kibum enters the dressing room and disrupts Taemin’s reverie but it causes him to have another epiphany: This world tour seems like a dream, but Kibum makes it real for Taemin.

Taemin normally just experiences the adrenaline rush and the euphoric feeling of dancing for his fans in doses and then relives those memories by watching the video recordings. But with Kibum, Taemin feels like he actually lives it. It’s as if the way Kibum looks at him or smiles at him affirms each experience.

“Taemin, god, you look even better than I imagined in that outfit! And believe me, my imagination is always extra. Anyway, I just wanted to give you something. I got a notification from my bank and realized I got my last pay for the tour from SM. Here.”

Kibum hands Taemin a small black velvet box with a label that Taemin immediately recognizes.

“Chanel? Hyung, this is too much!”

“What do you mean _too much_? Taemin, this is literally just a token, considering everything you’ve done for me and how working for you has helped me financially.”

Taemin opens the box and finds inside a double-strand silver necklace with one chain bigger in size and looking like an actual chain while the bottom layer is a dainty strand.

“I know you have several rings, bracelets, and earrings, so I thought of getting you a necklace.”

“It’s beautiful, Kibum. I want to wear it now.”

Taemin hands the necklace to Kibum and turns around.

Kibum then hangs the necklace around Taemin’s neck and secures the lock on his nape. The gentle brushing of Kibum’s fingers on the back of Taemin’s neck sends an electric jolt to them both.

Before Taemin could turn around to face Kibum, a loud knock on the door sends the latter towards it, worried that he may have locked it earlier and that it may arouse suspicion of hanky-panky.

Kibum is relieved to find it unlocked but is startled when Jonghyun grabs his hand and pulls him out of the room.

“Taemin, I just need Kibum for a minute. He’ll be right back.”

\--

Jonghyun is pacing the restroom frantically as he explains his problem to Kibum.  
  


Kibum himself is suddenly unnerved. One of the stagehands was working on something on top of the giant projector screen by the stage when he slipped. Fortunately, the man isn’t hurt because he was able to jump from the ladder and land on his feet. However, the screen was ripped. The production staff has sent for a new one but the show will inevitably be delayed by at least half an hour because the replacement must exactly match the dimensions of the ripped screen. And it will take another half-hour to install the new one.

Having worked with Taemin for several months, Kibum understands Jonghyun’s distress. Taemin is a perfectionist and glitches prior to shows cause him to panic which will ultimately ruin his momentum. He also hates delays out of consideration for his fans.

If Taemin finds out about the mishap, he will insist that they start the show so as not to make his fans wait. But it will also exasperate him to do the show knowing that there is no screen projector.

Jonghyun thinks that the best solution is to not inform Taemin about it and keep him inside the dressing room until the problem is resolved.

“Kibum, you have to distract Taemin and make sure he doesn’t leave the dressing room!”

“Jjong, it’s his finale show and he knows what time it starts. Do you really think I can do anything to make him forget that for like an hour?”

“Yes! I believe in you, Kibum! Please do this for the sake of everyone in Barclays Center!”

“Jjong, don’t do this to me! I have no idea what I’m supposed to do!”

“Take off all your clothes if you have to!”

“I’m-- Wait, what?! What about remaining platonic?”

“Goddammit, Kibum, I don’t care what you do! As long as you keep him in there until the stage is ready!”

“Fuck, Jjong. You’re asking me to whore myself just to guarantee the success of the show?”

“Oh please. It’s Taemin. It’s not like you don’t want to get down and dirty with him.”

“But we have a show! It’s the last concert of this whole freaking tour! You know how much this means to Taemin so there’s no way to distract him from it!”

“Shut up and just do it, Kibum! This conversation is over! I’m heading to the backstage now.”

“Jjong! Jjong, wait!” Kibum backs up a bit to avoid having the door of the restroom slam on his face.

“I’m so screwed.”


	26. 26 GUESS WHO

**26 GUESS WHO**

In an effort to mask his nerves, which are spiraling out of control, Kibum barges in Taemin’s dressing room with a put-on smile that is supposed to trick the latter into resuming their earlier conversation as though they were never interrupted by Jonghyun.

But Taemin recalls the strange expression on Jonghyun’s face when he fetched Kibum.

“What did Jjong-hyung need from you, hyung?”

“Ah, er...” _Right, stutter and blow your cover, Kibum._

Kibum clears his throat and tries again.

“Jjong just needed me for the final touches on the styling of the dancers. You see, I bought some accessories yesterday. Since it’s the last show, I wanted everyone to look extra ravishing. Speaking of ravishing...”

_Seduction is the best distraction. Channel your inner temptress, actor Key._

Kibum walks towards Taemin and pulls him up from his makeup chair.

“Let’s see if everything’s in place, Mr. Ravishing,” Kibum says in his deepest bedroom voice.

Kibum turns Taemin around and then back, pretending to inspect his entire outfit. Then he runs his hands down the sleeves of Taemin’s jacket and does the same to the front of his inner shirt.

“I love you in these fabrics. Regal. Perfect. Just like you.” Kibum goes in for the kill and kisses Taemin in a puckered smooch. Taemin is too surprised to respond at once.

Kibum inserts his hands inside Taemin’s jacket and wraps his arms around the boy’s waist. Taemin savors what he expects to be a quick kiss for good luck. So when he feels Kibum’s tongue sliding over his lips, Taemin slowly pulls away.

“Hyung? Hyung, we can’t. We’re about to go out there on stage.”

Kibum already expected Taemin to worry about their call time. So he resorts to what he hates doing most— lying.

“Taem, Jjong told me we have 45 minutes to an hour before show starts.”

“But the show starts at 6pm, hyung.”

“Taem, there’s actually a buffer. In reality, the show starts at 7pm. They just need everyone to be ushered in and seated by six. I was just out there so I know.”

Taemin nods and runs his thumb over Kibum’s lip.

“Alright. But as much as I would like to snack on these lips, we have to be on standby, hyung.”

Kibum knows that it’s only a matter of minutes before Taemin starts peeking out of the room to ask the first person he sees for any update. It’s too much of a risk.

“Taem, can we run through our interactions for _Guess Who_? I have so many parts in it compared to other songs so I’m quite nervous.”

“The ultra-talented Kim Kibum gets nervous?”

“Hey, admit it, even you get nervous at times, superstar.”

Taemin pulls out his phone to check the time, willingly distracting himself from Kibum. There’s a certain tone of voice his interpreter/stylist/dancer/lover _(?)_ uses that seems to hypnotize him. And the only _hypnosis_ Taemin is willing to accommodate at the moment is the one in his concert lineup.

“Come on, Taem, please help me. Let’s just do a couple of runs. I’m so nervous about my parts and our interactions that I might end up looking awkward.”

And being the perfectionist that he is, Taemin concedes to Kibum’s request.

Kibum plugs his iPod to a portable speaker and starts playing _Guess Who_.

As Taemin exhales and closes his eyes to get into the song’s rhythm, he finds his breath boomeranging back as a gasp the second he opens his eyes— Kibum has removed his button-down stage shirt, so his porcelain skin is gleaming on top of his tight black jeans.

Taemin is supposed to ask Kibum why he’s topless but no words come out of his mouth when he opens it.

Kibum sees the questioning look on Taemin’s face.

“I’m sorry, I sweat a lot when I’m nervous, plus we’re rehearsing the dance briefly. I don’t want to get my concert shirt drenched in perspiration.”

In lieu of a verbal reply, Taemin nods, and they start dancing together.

Kibum knows that going over the song twice isn’t enough time, and he’s certain that Taemin will insist on stepping outside to check on things after they’re done. They have been on so many concerts together that Kibum can even tell at what point Taemin will drink his Gatorade and when he will need to pee.

Kibum dances his parts with his usual precision, and when they get to the part where they’re supposed to interact, Kibum adds a bit more force in the way he sways his hips and he lets his hands linger a bit longer whenever he’s supposed to touch Taemin. He also makes his eyelids look heavy so as to cast a hooded gaze at Taemin whenever they make eye contact. Then Kibum delivers the bomb by turning around and gyrating his hips, knowing that his perfectly fitted pair of jeans emphasizes his round and prominent ass.

Taemin is impeccable as usual, but their interactions have ignited a fire between them that didn’t burn as much during their initial rehearsals.

“Hyung, since it’s the last show, should we make this number more memorable with fan service?” Kibum’s tactic seems to be working, as Taemin makes his proposal while running a hand down Kibum’s naked torso.

“Why not? We won’t get in trouble, right? I mean, we’ve been warned about public displays of affection. But it does sound perfect for a finale show.”

“Well, anything we do on stage will be written off as fan service so it’ll be nothing but a treat for the audience.”

“Then let’s give them a show. But for now...” Kibum puts his hand on Taemin’s, which is currently resting on his abdomen, and pushes it further down over his growing erection to palm himself using Taemin’s hand.

Taemin’s eyes widen and he opens his mouth to protest that this isn’t the time nor place for this, but he is in fact powerless against a half-naked Kibum.

“Don’t resist it, Taemin. Many of your performances are about this. Those words, those moves... the way you execute the mood of those sensual songs and melodies. You titillate your audience, so if there’s anyone who should be enjoying these things most, it’s you. This is what it’s all about, Taem. You give it to everyone through song and dance. Now allow yourself to get it too. Give it to yourself by letting me give it to you.”

With that, Kibum starts palming Taemin down there and feels the latter’s desire protruding through his trousers.

They suck lips in turns and invade each other’s mouth with fast-moving tongues. They occasionally open their eyes to take in and enjoy the beauty in front of them that they get to savor.

Kibum pushes Taemin onto the makeup chair and straddles him. Taemin digs his fingers into the denim fabric over Kibum’s butt and starts licking his nipple, alternating so Taemin can get to work on both of Kibum’s nubs. Kibum grinds down hard on Taemin’s hips, feeling for Taemin’s bulge against his clothed rear and making sure that he’s rubbing Taemin the best way possible.

Kibum grabs the bottom of Taemin’s almost-mullet of a hair and tugs it down to bring Taemin’s mouth more open. Kibum sticks his tongue inside Taemin’s mouth as far as he can reach and swirls it around in exploration.

Although both Taemin and Kibum are drowning in the sensations they’re giving each other, neither of them is eager to push it far to the point of orgasm. Both are still aware that they will be called onstage any time.

\--

Jonghyun returns to them just in time before their arousal becomes too painful to contain. And when Kibum unlocks the door for him, Jonghyun immediately realizes that Kibum had to resort to _dirty_ tactics to keep Taemin willingly detained inside the dressing room.

Taemin wonders why it doesn’t seem to bother Jonghyun that he and Kibum were obviously doing something earlier, and shortly before the show starts. They are both practically still panting out of their bruised lips and Kibum’s shirt is only buttoned halfway.

Kibum helps Taemin get his outfit ready. One of the staff has also entered the dressing room to retouch Taemin’s hair and makeup.

When it was just the two of them again in the room, moments from stepping out, Kibum turns to Taemin and caresses his cheek.

“This is it, my superstar. It’s your show time. You don’t need luck with talent like yours so just enjoy yourself out there, okay? And also... I want you to know that this concert tour was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Their lips meet for a millisecond kiss before they finally head out.

\--

It’s the nth time Taemin has done this. And yet each show is a unique experience for him. Performing his art and in front of his fans always feel like a defining moment for Taemin, so much so that it suddenly makes sense to him why he is alive.

It is time for the concert’s ending ment before Taemin’s last song. They are doing an encore with three songs, but this is the show’s last ment and Taemin’s last chance to address everyone who attended his last show.

Kibum is onstage with Taemin, as he always is during ment since he is Taemin’s interpreter. He cannot help but listen to Taemin with pride because the star already manages to communicate well in English. He just relies on Kibum when he is grappling with his profound speeches and is therefore in need of difficult words.

After thanking his fans and acknowledging everyone in his team and staff, Taemin turns to Kibum.

“Lastly, I want to thank Key.” Taemin gestures for Kibum to move closer to him and then whispers to him, “I want to speak in Korean now so please translate for me.”

Kibum nods and smiles at Taemin, who stares at him for several seconds before he starts speaking. This earns screams and cheers from the audience.

“At the beginning of the tour, Key was my interpreter and English tutor. And then he became my stylist too. After that, he became my backup dancer. He is one of the most talented people I’ve ever known. Not only is he talented, but he’s also passionate and committed. Perhaps this is why we get along. But my favorite role for Key is _friend._ My special friend.”

Kibum is glad he’s a backup dancer so he can pass off the blush on his cheeks as an effect of dancing for hours. He tries to remain composed and professional sounding as he translates what Taemin says. There are times he has to pause because the audience are screaming, unable to control themselves.

“Key taught me English and that helped me a lot in communicating with the international fans and the media. Actually, Key taught me a lot of things. We’ve been through a lot throughout this tour and I can never thank him enough for everything that he has done for me. Thank you, Key, for teaching me the language. But the most important thing you’ve taught me is… well, how do I say it? I’m at a loss for words. I think I’ll just sing, since I’m always asked to sing acapella during ment.” At this, Taemin giggles.

Key struggles with his translation because his heart is beating wildly inside his chest. And it doesn’t help that the fans are screaming after every line in Taemin’s message for him. 

“Okay, I’ll just sing a few lines to conclude my message for Key. It’s the last night of this tour anyway. This is not a song of mine. I’m sure most of you know that Key is a musical actor. I’ve learned a lot of songs from musicals because of him. This one is from the musical _Miss Saigon_ …”

_Our lives will change when tomorrow comes_   
_Tonight our hearts drown the distant drums  
And we have music all right  
Tearing the night  
A song played on a solo saxophone  
A crazy sound  
A lonely sound  
A cry that tells us love goes on and on  
Played on a solo saxophone_   
_It's telling me to hold you tight_   
_And dance like it's the last night of the world_

Taemin’s eyes are misty but his face breaks into a big smile when he sees Kibum masking his crying with laughter. The audience is in a frenzy now.

Then Taemin speaks in English again. “So, Key, let’s dance like it’s the last night of the world. Everyone, the next song is _Guess Who_.”

\--

From their frenzied state earlier, the audience is suddenly quiet, captivated by the chemistry of Taemin and Key. Their _Guess Who_ performance is replete with interactions between Taemin and his main dancers, especially Kibum. And upon Taemin’s request, his sexy interactions with one of the female backup dancers have been revised and Taemin is doing all those parts with Kibum.

Jonghyun and Jinki watch with amazement how the undeniable attraction between Taemin and Kibum translates into superb and sensual dance moves. But other than the way they move their bodies with superior dancing skills, it is the way they look at each other that is enthralling. Their gazes hold a look of burning desire but their smiles are loaded with the purest affection. Jonghyun is momentarily gripped with fear when the “kiss my lips” part came and both Taemin and Kibum leaned into each other. He was relieved that it was just an almost-kiss, which got the audience wild.

Taemin and his dancers perform two more songs, _Artistic Groove_ and _Want_ , and that is a wrap for Taemin’s World Tour. Unlike the customary ending wherein Taemin is alone onstage as he exits dramatically, this time the staff and crew are all onstage with Taemin like some sort of a celebratory curtain call. They are all cheering and hugging each other, tears falling as confetti rains on them.

After he is hugged by practically everyone, Taemin scans the crowd, looking for Kibum. He sees him flocked by the other staff and approaches him. When Taemin is about a meter away from Kibum, he suddenly feels arms wrap around his waist. Taemin turns around to see Jinchae smiling brightly at him.

“Taemin, congratulations. We made it. You were awesome in all the shows.”

“Thank you, Jinchae. Congratulations too. You did a great job.” Taemin disentangles himself from Jinchae arms and pats him on the shoulder before walking towards Kibum.

“Taemin, wait…” Jinchae grips Taemin’s arms, making the latter turn around to face him again.

“Listen…. I’ve always liked you, Taemin. Like really really like you. I just didn’t say or do anything because I thought you were straight. But there were times when I felt something during our dance interactions. If I had known you weren’t straight, I would’ve acted on my instincts. Just like what Key did. Well, he grew up here in America so he’s more aggressive, but…. Perhaps you can give me a chance? I promise I’ll be very discreet. I know the rules.”

Taemin is too stunned to completely process what Jinchae said, but he felt that the latter’s confession is poorly timed and is actually disrupting the celebratory mood. But being the nice guy that he is, Taemin smiles at Jinchae and decides to be honest with him.

“Jinchae, I’m flattered that you like me that way, but we can only be friends. I’m sorry. But let’s please celebrate, okay? We all worked hard to make this tour a success. I’ll see you at the victory party later, okay?”

Taemin smiles at him once again before turning around.

“It’s because of that motherfucking Kim Kibum, isn’t it?”

Jinchae’s hostility shocks Taemin and stops him in his tracks. Kibum sees Taemin’s face and rushes to his side.

“Hey, what’s the matter, babe? Are you okay?” Kibum takes Taemin’s hand into his own.

Before Taemin could answer Kibum’s question, a flash of movement distracts him and before he knows it, he is looking at Kibum, who has fallen on the floor, cupping his own jaw.

“What the fuck is your problem, Jinchae?” Kibum touches the corner of his lips and hisses. He sees blood on his fingers.

“You took everything from me!” In spite having thrown a punch, Jinchae is still furious. If not for the other dancers restraining him, he would’ve lunged at Kibum again.

After helping Kibum back to his feet, Taemin turns to Jinchae with a balled fist, ready to attack, but Jonghyun moves quickly and holds onto Taemin’s wrist.

Fortunately for all of them, they are concealed by the big crowd onstage and by another batch of falling confetti.

“Taemin, you are still on stage. Get it together. Kibum, go to Jinki. He has a first aid kit in his bag. Jinchae, we’re going to have a nice long talk later. It’s up to Taemin if he’ll want you fired from SM, but you’re definitely not performing with Taemin ever again.”

\--

Despite his split lip and impending bruise, Kibum is all smiles at the rooftop of the William Vale Hotel where they are having a victory party. He is too happy for Taemin’s success. Having wrapped the tour without any cancelled show or mishap (except the most recent one involving the projector screen that Taemin is still clueless about) and with all seats sold out, Taemin has definitely accomplished a milestone.

To Jonghyun’s relief, Taemin and his staff and crew are bent on enjoying the party as some sort of a reward for all their hard work, so the altercation involving Jinchae is forgotten, at least for tonight.

Both a bit buzzed because of the champagne, Taemin and Kibum are slow dancing, never mind that the music playing is actually tech house so the rest of the partygoers are dancing and jumping all around the place.

Jinki laces his and Jonghyun’s fingers together. They are drinking at the corner bar and Jinki sees that Jonghyun is watching Taemin and Kibum with a worried look on his face.

“Jjong, it’s okay. Let them celebrate tonight. Besides, everyone here is aware that they are not allowed to take photos and videos of Taemin or disclose any information about this party to anyone. And Jinchae has been banned from attending this party too, so let’s just have fun, okay?”

Jonghyun looks again at Taemin and Kibum. Taemin’s arms are wrapped around Kibum’s waist and Kibum’s are around Taemin’s neck, their lips ghosting over the other’s. They’re not talking… just looking into each other’s eyes and rubbing noses from time to time. Jonghyun suddenly feels pain for them. He knows the feeling of wanting to kiss someone so badly.

Jonghyun turns to Jinki and captures his boyfriend’s lips. Jinki is surprised at Jonghyun’s sudden public display of affection but responds as passionately as he can. Jinki may be conservative but he could never resist his beloved Jjongie.

Kibum spots the couple in a lip-lock and pulls Taemin’s chin sideways so he can see them too. They smile at the sight of Jonghyun and Jinki kissing, and they sigh at the same time afterwards. _Why couldn’t they kiss too?_

Needing to catch their breaths, Jonghyun and Jinki pull out of their kiss. They immediately look around them and they see Kibum and Taemin smiling at them. They look sincerely happy for them in spite of the sadness in their eyes.

Jonghyun grabs Jinki’s hand and they approach the slow-dancing couple.

“Taemin, I’m so proud of you. Congratulations. And Kibum, you’ve worked so hard too. Thank you. I want to give you both a gift. Jinki and I haven’t had the chance to get you two a present but I think I have the perfect thing in mind.”

Jonghyun fishes a card key from his pocket and slides it into Taemin’s hand.

“I booked the penthouse suite tonight for me and Jinks since we’re all headed back to Seoul tomorrow. But I think I want to take my Jinkles out on an American adventure. I’m thinking of taking this shy bunny to a drive-in highway motel so we can get dirty. Just like in the movies.”

They all laugh while Jinki playfully punches Jonghyun’s arm.

“Anyway, Taemin, Kibum… my gift for you is this night. So please make the most of it because we don’t know what’s going to happen after tonight.” 

Taemin jumps up and down and hugs Jonghyun and Jinki. Kibum watches him and feels his heart bursting because of this hot superstar who at times exhibits childlikeness that is absolutely adorable. However, all traces of cuteness vanish in an instant when Taemin turns to Kibum with fire in his eyes.

“Let’s go, Kibum. The night is ours.”


	27. 27 I WILL FIGHT

**27 I WILL FIGHT**

_Taemin, Kibum… my gift for you is this night…_

_Let’s go, Kibum. The night is ours…_

These words reverberate inside Kibum’s head. They aren’t just words but promises that keep his heart from being still. Kibum feels like all his nerves have travelled and settled at the pit of his gut.

The fidgety way by which Taemin is holding his hand inside the elevator tells Kibum that the boy feels the same way. He is just as nervous and ecstatic about the promise of them owning the night. It is no surprise to either of them since they’ve been running on borrowed time ever since they developed feelings for each other. And now they are about to enjoy time that has been given to them as a gift. And the only obstacle to their absolute joy is the looming thought that, like every night, this night will end.

But for now, Taemin and Kibum share the same goal: to have the best night of their lives.

\--

Used to hiding and stealing kisses and wasting no time in devouring each other’s lips, Taemin and Kibum are suddenly shy when they close the door of the suite behind them.

“Do you want to freshen up?”

“Do you want a drink?”

\- They ask at the same time, causing them both to break into laughter.

This finally breaks the ice and gives Taemin the courage to make the first move.

He kisses Kibum with a smile still formed on his lips. Taemin loves the way Kibum instantly brings one hand to the back of his head when they kiss. It tells him that Kibum wants it to go on.

They kiss passionately yet slow this time, blindly navigating the large suite until their legs hit the couch where they blissfully collapse on. They continue kissing so slowly that Kibum feels every crevice inside Taemin’s mouth with the tip of his tongue. Meanwhile, Taemin restrains himself from biting Kibum’s tongue as his hands travel from Kibum’s neck to his chest.

Kibum shimmies out of his blazer when Taemin starts tugging it off Kibum’s shoulders. But when Kibum returns the gesture and pulls open Taemin’s jacket, Taemin suddenly breaks their lip contact.

“I think I should shower first, hyung. I changed out of my concert clothes but that’s it. You know how much sweat I produced all throughout the show.”

“No, Taemin. No need to. Besides, I haven’t showered too. I just cleaned myself with baby wipes before changing into these clothes.”

“But you had breaks during the concert, hyung. I didn’t. And you don’t sweat as much as I do, so I’m gross.”

“I don’t care, baby. Your sweat is yummy to me. And I want to smell you. All of you,” Kibum says huskily.

Taemin is wearing regular jeans but it suddenly feels like a size smaller skinny jeans. He allows Kibum to peel off his jacket and shirt.

“Fuck, Taemin. The sight of you in just jeans can already make me cum.” His own crass honesty makes Kibum laugh, and as usual, he does so by cackling and clutching Taemin’s arm.

Taemin pulls Kibum into a hug, having no idea how to express how he feels at the moment. Taemin thinks Kibum is so amazing, for every moment with him is never predictable. Within a span of thirty minutes, they’ve cruised through various emotions— sadness, thrill, anxiety, fear, awkwardness, and now it feels like they are both suspended in overwhelming excitement… and not just the kind that anticipates the satisfying end of sexual climax but the kind that makes them break out in warmth at the prospect of profound intimacy.

They bask in the embrace until the parts where their skin is touching are setting off some tingles that are impossible to ignore.

Kibum pulls back and tugs his own shirt off so he can feel Taemin’s chest against his own as they resume their kiss. His lips drop from Taemin’s lips down to his Adam’s apple.

Kibum guides Taemin’s hands to rest on top of the couch’s back pillow. With Taemin’s arms up, Kibum mouths Taemin’s inner arm, starting from the elbow down to his armpit. Suddenly feeling self-conscious, Taemin jerks his arm to bring it down but Kibum holds it in place as he buries his nose into Taemin’s armpit hair and kisses the hollow.

“Hyung!”

For a second, Kibum contemplates on explaining to Taemin that the scent of dried sweat on Taemin’s skin is a newfound aphrodisiac for him. It is Taemin’s smell, sans the fragrance of soap or body wash or deodorant or cologne. Just his smell. And Kibum is savoring it at the moment.

Taemin stops fidgeting when he sees the look of absolute bliss on Kibum’s face. And when Kibum takes a long whiff and then exhales, blowing his hot breath on Taemin’s untrimmed pit, Taemin finds himself shuddering at the sensation.

The close proximity makes it easy for Kibum’s mouth to travel from Taemin’s armpit to his nipple. He thoroughly wets the nub with his tongue before thumbing it and does the same to the other nipple before he claims Taemin’s lips with his own once again.

Taemin feels like he will orgasm quickly with all the attention Kibum is giving him. He breaks the kiss to whisper into Kibum’s ear, but only after gently pulling his earlobe with his teeth.

“Hyung, take off your pants and briefs. I want to explore your body all night.”

Kibum would be amused if he wasn’t too horny, because in spite of the sexually charged request, Taemin retained his angelic voice.

“Okay, but you too.” Unlike Taemin’s, Kibum’s voice plunges deeper. And this prompts Taemin to get up from the couch in a blink of an eye and sheds the rest of what he’s wearing. Kibum also stands to drop his pants and underwear.

Taemin pushes Kibum back on the large couch and parts the latter’s legs with his own while still standing.

Taemin remains standing and just stares at Kibum, who is seated stark naked on the couch with his legs spread. Kibum has a good view of Taemin, who’s also naked and standing in between his legs. They hungrily ogle each other’s body, basking in visual stimulation, as if waiting who’s going to buckle first.

When Taemin’s knee brushes the inside of Kibum’s thigh, some sort of an electric bolt sends them both lunging at each other. Taemin straddles Kibum and they kiss like it is their first and last, hands pulling at each other’s hair every now and then to see the other’s flushed face.

Several minutes into their sloppy kissing and leisurely grinding, their brushing erections become painful.

“Hyung, tonight... I want you to take me.”

Kibum looks intently into Taemin’s eyes.

“Are you sure, baby? We’ve slept together just once. And that was your first time with a man. It hurts a lot to... bottom.”

“Yes, hyung. I’m sure. I know you’ve never done it this way before. It’ll be a first for us both. It’s the perfect opportunity since it’s our special night.”

“Okay, baby. I’ll be gentle. I’ll fuck you slow and deep.”

Taemin’s face lights up like he just won the lottery. He gets off Kibum and grabs his hands and they end up practically running to the bed, giggling.

Taemin jumps on the bed and settles his back against the cushioned headboard, spreading his legs while smirking at Kibum.

“Oh, so you wanna be a tease, huh? Well, you cannot out-tease me, Lee Taemin. I’m the real jungle cat here, remember?”

Kibum starts crawling from the base of the bed while shooting a searing gaze at Taemin that wipes off the latter’s smirk.

Kibum dips his head when he reaches Taemin’s feet to start kissing his way all the way up Taemin’s body. He moistens his lips with his tongue so he can glide easily along Taemin’s skin, nipping and licking at the more sensitive areas.

Taemin’s erection grows its hardest when Kibum’s big hands knead his inner thighs and spread his legs while his gaze is fixed on Taemin’s erect cock. Kibum brings his face closer until Taemin’s dick is within licking distance. He licks all around it like lollipop, causing Taemin to gasp. The gasps soon turn into loud moans when Kibum takes Taemin entirely in his mouth and then he pulls back to suck on the head while his long fingers close around the shaft to massage it.

Taemin loses his sense of restraint and starts fucking Kibum’s mouth. Kibum encourages him by gripping hard on Taemin’s soft buttocks.

Kibum is swallowing Taemin’s pre-cum when the ringing of his phone causes him to suddenly stop and release Taemin’s cock from his mouth.

“Kibum, please! Just ignore it.” Taemin whines and bucks his hips up but Kibum has already gotten off the bed and is on his feet.

“I’m sorry, baby. I have to take it. I missed a call earlier from one of the staff at my mother’s institution. It could be urgent.”

Kibum fishes his phone out of his discarded pants on the floor and sees the unregistered number flashing. He goes inside the bathroom to take the call.

Taemin’s curiosity helps alleviate the pain in his boner. He gets up and walks to the bathroom, which Kibum has actually left open. He pauses near the door just so he can listen and not be seen.

Taemin hears a male voice on the other line.

_Hello, Key? Hey, pumpkin. It’s me._

Kibum: “Ezra? Oh thank god, I got so worried that it’s an emergency call. Look, I’m sorry. it’s not a good time. I have to hang up.”

Ezra: “Key, wait! I just want to see you since it’s your last night in New York. I want to show you my new flat. Come on, Key. Spend the night with me. I’ve missed you, you know. Don’t you miss me? It’s been a long time. I miss your kisses, your skin, your-“

Kibum: “Ezra, stop. I’m sorry I can’t meet up, well, hook up with you tonight or any other night. Okay, during my first month in Seoul, I missed everything about my life here in New York and that included you. But a lot of things have happened since then. I had to put my mom in a home, I had to work... and I met Taemin.”

Ezra: “Yes. Taemin. But Taemin is a job, right?”

Kibum: “Well, yeah. But he’s the reason why I can’t be with you anymore, Ezra, or with anyone else for that matter. I’ve fallen in love with Taemin.”

Ezra: “What? Wow. I don’t know what to say. We didn’t really break up when you left, you know. So this is... I don’t know. It’s a surprise.”

Kibum: “We didn’t actually break up but you suggested at the last minute that it’s best that we turn _us_ into an open relationship. We dated for a long time, Ezra. You should’ve known that I’m never going to agree to an open relationship. But anyway, I’m glad it’s really over because I’ve realized how selfish you had been when we were together. Anyway, I’m not angry. I’m too happy with Taemin to be angry about it. Oh dear, I’m keeping him waiting! Gotta go. Bye!”

The second Kibum pressed the key to end the call, he feels a pair of slender arms wrap around his waist. It would’ve been a tender moment for them, especially after what Kibum had confessed to Ezra, which Taemin heard, but Kibum and Taemin are buck-naked so the pressing of Taemin’s semi-hard cock on Kibum’s butt instantly gets them back into their earlier mode.

\--

After pushing himself completely inside Taemin, Kibum rests his entire body over Taemin to offer some sort of comfort. This position also allows him to pepper Taemin’s face with kisses and to nuzzle his nose on the side of Taemin’s face as a silent apology for the pain the penetration is causing the boy.

Kibum can’t help but keep his eyes open to study Taemin’s face, worried that the pain is too prolonged and the pleasure too delayed.

But as the pain subsides a bit and he adjusts to Kibum’s girth, Taemin finds his voice.

“You’re… you’re inside me.”

  
“Yes, I am. It feels… amazing. Are you okay, baby?”

“Yes, hyung. You can… go on.”

Once the pain and the odd sensation of being full down there are gone, Taemin struggles to breathe properly because the push and pull of Kibum’s cock is starting to drive him crazy. Kibum lubricated himself generously so he manages to smoothly glide in and out of Taemin’s tight hole.

Kibum delivers on his promise to fuck Taemin slow and deep. He cannot keep his eyes from rolling back into his head as his cock is squeezed inside Taemin. And in one of his deeper thrusts, Kibum feels Taemin’s body jerk and hears him gasp out loudly in pleasure. Kibum open his eyes and sees Taemin’s beautiful face contorted in ecstasy so he starts ramming into the spot he just hit.

Taemin’s limbs thrash around on the bed until the pleasure is too much that Taemin wraps his legs and arms around Kibum, moving in tandem with Kibum so he can finish before he loses his mind.

When Kibum dips his torso to kiss Taemin, because he’s practically drooling while fucking Taemin with his mouth open, Taemin’s engorged cock gets crammed between their bodies and suddenly releases its load. As Kibum feels Taemin cumming in spurts on his chest and Taemin’s hole twitching around his cock, Kibum’s own cum shoots out of him, deep into Taemin.

Catching their breaths, Taemin brings his hands up to cup Kibum’s face.

“Kibum-hyung… I love you.”

Kibum leans closer to brush his lips on Taemin’s.

“I’ve suspected that for quite some time now, but actually hearing you say it makes me want to cry out of happiness. I love you, Lee Taemin.”

\--

Taemin wakes up from a short but deep sleep, managing to crack both eyes open at once when he stretches his arm and feels no warm body by his side. When he sits up, Taemin sees Kibum through the sliding glass door, lounging on a chair at the balcony. The sky is still dark. Kibum is scribbling something on a small notebook.

Taemin wraps himself with the blanket and joins Kibum on the balcony.

“Hey. Why aren’t you in bed?” Taemin sits on Kibum’s lap and grabs the notebook. Kibum tries to get his notebook back but Taemin proceeds with reading what he had written. Out loud.

_You are still next to me_

_Stay by my side_

_I know that one side of my heart_

_Is turning its back on tomorrow and wishes to run_

_However, what’s left of the meaning of life for me_

_I will make it so that you can find the you that you didn’t know too_

_And fight for you, for us_

_For the rest of my life_

“What is this, hyung? Are you writing a poem?”

“I’m writing a song, baby. You know, I used to write songs for our theater group’s original plays.”

Taemin pulls Kibum’s arms around his waist and leans back.

“Is it about us?”

Kibum nuzzles the back of Taemin’s ear.

“What do you think?”

“Are we really going to fight for _us_ , hyung?”

“Do you want to? You have so much more to lose, Taemin.”

“ _So much more_ is nothing compared to everything. If I lose you, hyung, I lose everything.”

Kibum can feel his heart expanding out of joy. But there is also a tightening in his chest… fear.

_Can he really allow Taemin to risk losing that much?_

“Then we will fight.”


	28. 28 SAYONARA HITORI

**28 SAYONARA HITORI**

_A single goodbye, as if we’re embracing each other_

_You bloom all around in this world_

_A single goodbye, don’t be sad_

_In this world, flowers are in full bloom_

_Goodbye._

\- Sayonara Hitori

“Kibum... hyung. Wake up. The sun will be up soon.”

Taemin deposits little kisses on Kibum’s back to rouse him from his hour-long sleep. Taemin also dozed off after giving Kibum oral pleasure, but he wants to make the most of their night together... a night that is slowly turning into day and ushering them back to reality.

Kibum wakes up and instantly pulls Taemin over him for a tight hug.

“Oh my god, I’m glad you woke me up. We should skip sleep until we’re on the plane. How are you feeling, baby? Are you sore?”

“Well, yeah, but it’s kind of a good feeling. I mean, it feels nice to be reminded that it happened.” Taemin doesn’t know why he suddenly feels shy saying this, so he nuzzles Kibum’s neck as a subtle way of hiding his face.

“Taemin, thank you for letting me experience it. I... I can’t describe it. I loved… being inside you. It’s as if after everything that has happened in my life, you were given to me as a gift. I love you, Taemin.”

“I love you, hyung. I cannot begin to describe it, too. When you filled me up, of course it felt _that_ way. But it’s not just about feeling full... I felt complete. I’ve liked people in the past, I’ve dated girls. But I’ve always wondered how it feels to be really in love. Like completely, absolutely in love.”

At this point, Taemin has sat up. He turns to Kibum, who’s still lying on his back and grinning at him.

Taemin realizes that Kibum’s skin looks best at dawn. The luminous streaks of skin that isn’t covered by the shadow of the window blinds are like the first rays of the sun. And Taemin has never been so dazzled in his life. 

“Hyung, I want this. I mean, I really want us to be together. I just know I’ll be more inspired to make music and perform if I have you in my life. When the work aspect of my passion drains me, everything would still make sense to me with you around.”

Kibum pulls Taemin down for a long kiss, delighting in the desperation the moment calls for. The night has almost ended. Their night.

“I have an idea... let’s take a shower to get rid of our exhaustion. We still have a few hours before checkout.”

\--

The lovers shower together and take this opportunity to explore each other’s bodies. With hands lathered in bath gel, Taemin and Kibum caress every nook and surface of the other’s body, reveling in silky skin and toned muscles. Unable to control themselves, they jerk each other off to completion while kissing messily. Afterwards, they wash their cum off along with the soapy foam.

They dry themselves off and don robes before going to the balcony to watch the sunrise together.

Taemin has never felt such sadness, as he sees pale yellow streaks staining the gray sky. He tightens his hold on Kibum, whom he is hugging from behind. He then realizes that Kibum is slightly shaking. And when Taemin turns Kibum around to face him, he sees tears running down Kibum’s cheeks.

Taemin opens his mouth to say something, something comforting. But his throat suddenly feels constricted, as he couldn’t stop himself from crying too.

“Why are we even crying, hyung? We said we’d fight, right? We’ll fight to be together, to stay together. We shouldn’t be bawling our eyes out.”

“But we still don’t know what’s gonna happen, Taem. We’re ready to gamble, but we could either win or lose.”

Taemin pulls Kibum towards him and embraces him with every ounce of strength that he has. Kibum pushes Taemin a little just so he could undo the ties that’s keeping their robes together. As soon as their robes are undone, revealing their naked front, Kibum pulls Taemin back into a hug. With their robes on, they look quite innocent, as if they’re just hugging.

They kiss until, even with eyes closed, they could see daylight. They stop rubbing against each other, realizing that they’re on a balcony and anyone who sees them will realize they’re not just enjoying an innocent hug.

Kibum takes Taemin’s hand and leads him back inside the suite.

“Taemin, make love to me one last time.”

“Don’t say one last time, hyung. Just for the last time on this tour.”

“Make love to me now, Taemin. This time I want you to take me.”

Kibum lets his robe drop to his feet and lies down on the bed. Taemin quickly climbs on the bed after him and hovers over Kibum while shedding his own robe. Taemin wants to stare at his beautiful lover longer, but Kibum captures Taemin’s lips in his impatience.

\--

Taemin’s fingers are already lubricated when he decides that he wants to taste Kibum. Surprised, Kibum’s eyes crack open when he feels Taemin’s tongue prodding his hole instead of fingers.

Taemin ravishes Kibum’s hole as much as his lips and tongue can. He licks and sucks until Kibum begs Taemin to fuck him.

When Taemin enters Kibum after stretching him open with fingers, he feels pre-cum already escaping him. And when Taemin starts pounding into him and the movement produces noises from slick flesh slapping, Kibum allows himself to be as loud as his pleasure commands. Kibum plants his feet on the bed so he can meet Taemin’s thrust, driven mad by the desire to be filled with Taemin’s cock and cum.

Taemin and Kibum fuck like it’s the last. Soon, the beautiful panting face in front and the shameless grunts and moans are too much of a bonus to the actual sensation their bodies are feeling. They both come hard, screaming each other’s name, and they ride out their orgasms while kissing without technique nor rhythm.

Once the post-orgasm tremors stop, Taemin pulls out and quickly takes Kibum into his arms. The room is filled with silence, save for the breaths they are trying to catch.

“Taemin, I love you… no matter what tomorrow brings.”

\--

**_(Setting: Seoul)_ **

Kibum’s first stop after leaving Incheon Airport is the institution. It has been six months since he last saw his mother, Heekyung.

To Kibum’s surprise, he was intercepted by one of the aids and was told that he must go to the resident doctor’s office before seeing his mother.

  
  


\--

Kibum carefully takes Heekyung’s hand and puts it against his cheek as he sits by her bedside. He is relieved that his mother is sleeping because he needs a moment to process everything that Doctor Kang just told him.

_Kibum, your mother has Alzheimer’s disease._

_With this diagnosis, we have to transfer her to another facility because she’ll be requiring care round-the-clock, among other things. You can opt to hire a caregiver yourself and bring her home. That’s a less costly option but a lot more risky, so I won’t encourage it._

_You need to be prepared mentally and emotionally because she will only keep deteriorating. You have to be prepared financially too, Kibum. Alzheimer’s is one of the most financially burdensome diseases._

_One last thing… the life expectancy of a person with AD is three to ten years._

After about half an hour of quiet sobbing, it hits Kibum that with his mother out of commission, he is in fact alone. His grandparents on both sides have passed on, his father (whom he never met) is forever absent, his stepfather is in jail in America, and he has no siblings. So as much as he would like to wallow in misery, Kibum realizes that he must quickly take action.

Kibum leaves his mother’s room and calls Jonghyun as soon as he gets to the lobby.

**Kibum** : _Hi, Jjong, listen… my contract with SM has ended since the tour has wrapped, but am I really jobless now? Sorry for suddenly bringing this up. My mom is sick and I really need a job right now. A job that pays well._

**Jonghyun** : _Well, Taemin doesn’t need an interpreter anymore and SM has resident stylists here in Seoul, but I’m pretty sure they’ll sign you up as backup dancer. You already have a following so they’d be crazy not to. Hold on, our exec is calling. Stay on the line; I’ll get back to you._

Kibum slips into absentmindedness while waiting for Jonghyun to end the other call. Somehow, the recent development is too shocking for Kibum for it to sink in immediately. His thoughts are on odd job options when he hears Jonghyun’s voice again on the other line.

**Jonghyun** : _Key, I have good news. They’re calling you in for a meeting at 3pm. It sounds urgent. I think they’re going to present you with a new contract because they want me to be there too. Taemin and I are scheduled to meet with them at 4pm, after your appointment._

\--

Kibum is too distraught over his mother’s condition to feel happy about being summoned by SM. Still, he is thankful that he has a reason to feel a bit relieved. He is willing to take whatever job SM offers him. And just like in his previous stint with SM, Kibum knows he can work hard enough and be so efficient that they’ll give him more tasks for which he will be paid more.

The relief is short-lived, however. As soon as he gets to the door of the conference room, Kibum is shocked to see the face of the person exiting the room: Jinchae.

Unwilling to burden himself with more stress, Kibum quickly looks down to avoid eye contact. But Kibum was able to catch Jinchae’s smirk in their split-second encounter— an evil smirk that makes Kibum’s stomach cold.

Jonghyun is already inside the conference room when Kibum manages to recover from his shock and to cross the doorway. But the sullen look on Jonghyun’s face just made Kibum feel even colder.

Inside the room with Jonghyun are the president, vice president, corporate communications head, and PR manager, Miss Seok.

“Key, please have a seat. Before we discuss several important matters with you, there’s something we need you to see.”

Miss Seok gets up from her seat and goes to the door to lock it. When she returns to her seat, she grabs a remote control and gestures for Kibum to look at the boardroom monitor.

~~ _Flashback_ ~~

What Jjong doesn’t know is that the lingering looks and touches between Taemin and I aren’t brought on by a desire to chart unknown territories of each other but by a desire to explore the depths of each other **again.**

Needless to say I’m suffering at the moment, since we’re doing _One By One_ at the SM Town Event and Taemin is currently teaching me the steps. Whenever Taemin grinds on the floor with those jelly hips of his, I can’t drive out the thought that he can ride my dick that well. I guess it’s also because I’ve never actually topped anyone before. My American boyfriend Ezra was my first real boyfriend and for the couple of years we dated, he was the only one who topped. He claims to be bisexual and can only top when fucking a man. In hindsight, I should have realized then that it shouldn’t have been an issue if we truly loved and trusted each other. I guess his ego precedes the true essence of intimacy.

Now that I’m watching Taemin grind to the deliciously slow beat of the song, I can’t help wonder if he likes and trusts me enough to let me top him next time. Wait, what the hell am I talking about?! What next time? We made one mistake and that is it! _Get a grip, Kim Kibum!_

“…and then you slide sideways. Hyung? Hyung!”

Taemin had to yell for me to snap out of my shameful thoughts.

“I’m sorry, Taem. I’m just a bit nervous because this particular step is really provocative.”

Taemin stands up, and just as I was starting to think that he’s walking out on me, I see him peer outside the door before getting back in and closing the door behind him.

He takes the remote control to play the song again and before I know it, he is on top of me, straddling my hips.

“Taemin, what the--“

“Ssshhh, relax. I’m teaching you the proper way to execute the step.”

I was going to push him off but the way Taemin is attached to my body feels perfect. It feels like he’s an organ that completes my anatomy.

“Come to think of it, you don’t really need lessons, hyung. You did an amazing job riding me that night in Rio.”

It really isn’t fair that Taemin’s grinding on me like this and talking in his airy voice from that thick mouth of his. Yes, we’re both hard and we know it since we’re rubbing crotches. But I still feel at a disadvantage here because there hasn’t been any weapon invented that could defeat Taemin’s hips.

“When the time is right, I want you to take me, hyung. I want you to feel what I felt and vice-versa.”

And there’s the answer to my question: Taemin would let me top him. _Oh fuck._ This thought will hound me every minute of my existence.

“You want me to take you, Taemin? You want **_this_** inside you?” I thrusted upward with a tad bit force, causing Taemin to throw his head back. When he faced me again, his eyes look completely different. It’s glazed and narrowed. I felt like the prey this time.

“Yes. Just like how I took you that night. You remember it clearly, right? How I stuffed you so good?”

It’s a battle I was meant to lose right from the moment Taemin decided we would perform _One By One._ And to show my sportsmanship in the face of defeat, I pulled him in by the neck for a vigorous kiss.

_(What? I’m sorry, Taemin played the song so loud that I cannot hear the voice of reason!)_

I break the kiss after a while to catch my breath.

“Baby, I didn’t know you like dirty talk.”

“I actually just found out, Kibummie-hyung. Oh, and I like it when you call me _baby_.”

“I’d love to talk dirty right now but I’d rather shove my long tongue inside that big delicious mouth of yours… _bae-by_.”

The intensity of our French kissing and hip grinding would’ve resulted to us cumming in our sweatpants if we hadn’t heard the door slamming shut.

We pulled away from each other at once only to find the room empty except for us.

“Fuck, Taemin, someone came in and definitely saw us! I thought you locked the door.”

“I also thought I did.”

“Shit, shit. What are we going to do?”

“What can we do, hyung? We’ll just have to wait and see.”

_~~end~~_

Kibum thought he has shed all the tears he has in his system after talking to the doctor earlier, so he is amazed how his tears are gushing down his cheeks endlessly.

_Jinchae_. Kibum has known resentment and jealousy in his life. But he has never known a kind of hatred that could compel one to commit something so evil.

Every intimate moment he has shared with Taemin is precious and beautiful to Kibum. But now he is gripped with an inexplicable kind of pain because he feels dirty watching himself and Taemin through the eyes of an intruder… a vile, hateful intruder.

“Please stop the video,” Kibum practically chokes as he forces himself to speak. Jonghyun grabs the remote control from Miss Seok beside him, neglecting the brashness or perceived rudeness of his action, and turns the monitor power off.

Miss Seok glances at Jonghyun before fixing her eyes on Kibum.

“Lee Taemin is done. The quickest way to end an idol’s career, no matter how illustrious it is, is via a sex scandal. And a gay sex scandal at that.”

_Taemin_. Kibum may not understand pure hatred but he now understands the true essence of regret. And he regrets coming into the life of Taemin. Taemin, whom he loves. Taemin, whom he has ruined.


	29. 29 PLEASE DON’T GO

**29 PLEASE DON’T GO**

_Think of me_

_Think of me fondly…_

_When we say goodbye._

(from “Phantom Of The Opera”)

\--

Taemin was only 16 when he started training at SME.

_Ten years._ Taemin looks back over those years and realizes it has been a career worth slaving an entire decade for— chart-topping albums, hefty endorsement deals, numerous television appearances, sold-out concerts, and millions of fans. More importantly, he was able to buy his family a house. Not an apartment, like what most families in their country call home, but an actual 2-storey house on a huge lot that had been able to accommodate a garage for the two vehicles Taemin bought for his parents and his brother Taesun, and a landscaped garden with a pond and gazebo, where his mother often entertained her friends. 

Taemin is tired, but not in the way that he is ready to throw in the towel; he just feels that he has accomplished enough for other people and he can now afford to be selfish and endeavor something that would personally make him happy.

He scans the conference room, eyes meeting with those of the SM executives’ before he fixes his gaze at Miss Seok.

“You may stop the video. It’s true that Key and I are together. It isn’t a casual hookup. And I intend to keep seeing him no matter what you all say.”

“Taemin, you don’t understand. We already met with Key and he has agreed to break it off with you. Moreover, we are training him for a year, then we’ll launch him as a solo artist here and in the U.S. He sings, dances, acts, writes songs… has a great sense of style, and fluent in several languages. He was born to be an idol. And that face…” Miss Seok turns to the company president, “Maybe we should name Key’s first album _Face_.”

“No… you must have pressured Key-hyung into agreeing with you. Or did you blackmail him?”

“Taemin, listen...” It was the VP, Mr. Nam, who spoke this time. “Your dalliance with your interpreter has resulted to a scandal. A scandal that could destroy your decade-long career and destroy Key’s chances of ever having one. This will wreck you and your family, Taemin. And I’m aware that your parents are devout Catholics. Key made a wise decision. He doesn’t want your career to be ruined and he accepted our generous job offer. If he succeeds, he’ll be made for life. His mother has Alzheimer’s disease. Do you have any idea how costly that damn disease is? My late grandmother had AD. So you see, Taemin, you don’t really have a choice here. Key is going to sign the contract. There is nothing to fight for, Taemin.”

“B-but what about the video? If Jinchae uploads it, there’s no career for me to salvage and no career for Key to pursue.”

“We’ll deal with Jinchae. He’s a slimy bastard who thinks he can blackmail a giant. He hasn’t uploaded the video because he thinks we’re reviewing his terms, which is basically to pay him off and keep him as your main backup dancer. But the truth is that we can slap him with an expensive lawsuit for breaching his contract, which states that he cannot record or upload behind-the-scenes bits on the job. We can sue him for blackmail too, if he dares to upload the video. Well, actually, he doesn’t have that option because we can hire a hacker to erase everything on his iCloud or wherever he keeps his personal videos. And he will be terminated from SME and blacklisted in all entertainment companies. Jinchae is pretty much over. But we won’t go through these lengths to keep that video from leaking, Taemin, if you’re going to insist on being stubborn about Key.”

\--

“Taemin! Tae, wait! Where are you going?” Jonghyun jogs to be able to catch up with Taemin, who is on his way to his car in the building’s basement parking.

“If you’re going to see Kibum, I don’t think it’s a good idea. You’re upset.”

“I’m not going to confront him, Jjong-hyung. I’m going to see his mother.”

“You’re-- what? Why? I don’t think they’ll allow you to see her without Kibum with you.”

“Kibum-hyung told me a few months ago that the institution required him to list two other names in case of an emergency. He doesn’t have a family apart from his mother, so he listed me and Jinki-hyung as emergency contacts and persons allowed to see his mother on his behalf.”

“But why are you going to see her, Taemin?”

Taemin lifts his head to face Jonghyun, and only then did the latter realize that Taemin had been holding back his tears. His face is flushed and the water pooling in the corner of his eyes finally rolls down his cheeks.

“I-I have to do this… I have to see her. I need to see that she’s being taken care of in her illness so I c-could understand. So I could forgive Kibum for breaking his word. I need to know that he left me for a reason I can accept… so I can move on.”

\--

Taesun notices that his brother has been sighing a lot uncharacteristically. The Lees are in Jeju Island for two weeks, as Taemin was given some time off by SME as an incentive since he just successfully completed a tour and will be working on a mini-album upon his return. Taemin decides to treat his family to a vacation. Besides, he needed to get away to clear his head… and to purge himself of the desire to be with Kibum.

As Taemin sighs for the nth time, he tells himself that he is meant to live the cliché that love is supposed to hurt… and that the beloved is meant to be lost. Suddenly, Taemin realizes he really needs to stop reading Shakespearean sonnets because as much as it can help him romanticize his pain, it also reminds him too much of Kibum.

“Taemin?” Taesun’s voice disrupts Kibum’s sonnet-reciting in Taemin’s head.

“Yes, hyung?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, hyung. Why wouldn’t I be?”

_I am most certainly not okay._ Taemin wishes he could just hate Kibum and convince himself that he has been betrayed. Perhaps that will help him get over Kibum. Or be so full of wrath, like Circe or Medea of Greek Mythology. He should also stop reading Mythology because, again, it reminds him of Kibum.

“Hey, Taemin. You’re drifting off again. You know, Umma, Appa, and I noticed that you’ve been so quiet. And that you seem to be somewhere else. You even look sad. Are you sure you’re okay?”

_No, hyung. I am not okay. I met the most wonderful person and fell in love, but I got dumped. And I cannot even be angry about it because the factors that are keeping us apart are bigger than us. Apparently, love isn’t so powerful, unlike what they say. And, oh, I’m gay, by the way. Or at least I think I am, since the person I fell deeply in love with—and slept with, twice—is a man._

Taemin wants to be honest with his brother, but he does not see the point in rocking the boat. His family loves him and cares about him, but Taemin is aware of their conservative and very Catholic views. Just a week ago, he was all set to fight… to defend his relationship with Kibum against people, including his family, and against all odds. But now that they aren’t together, there really is no point in it anymore. And Taemin barely has any strength in him to carry on a casual conversation these days, so fighting sounds like a frivolous and ridiculous plan that he hatched in the distant past. Besides, Taemin is positive he will never find anyone that can compare to Kibum and his feelings for him, so he might just end up conforming to what his family and society deem as a successful life: having a good job or career and being married with children. 

_Perhaps this is the purpose of my existence— to please other people, make them happy. And as long as I keep succeeding at that, I should content myself with secondhand joy._

\--

Kibum has been given a signing bonus by SME so he manages to transfer his mother to the institution’s ward where there are dedicated staff and facilities for patients with Alzheimer’s disease and dementia.

When Kibum is not in the institution, he is at SME, meeting and training with a choreographer, a voice coach, and a producer.

His body is spent with all these responsibilities, but Kibum wouldn’t have it any other way. Since he finds himself thinking about Taemin amidst all the duties and chores he juggles, what more if he were less preoccupied?

In spite of his determination to move past their painful chapter, Kibum finds himself talking about Taemin every time he’s with his mother.

Heekyung is seldom lucid, not really herself anymore, but Kibum desperately needs an audience just so he could relieve some of the burden in his chest. Besides, it’s actually a comfort for Kibum that his mother just stares at him or sometimes ignores him even as he chatters away about Taemin. He doesn’t really need any response because Taemin is no longer in his life. And at this realization, Kibum sheds tears day after day, night after night.

**_Two months later…_ **

Jonghyun surprises Jinki with a lavish sendoff party at a hotel lounge on the night before the latter’s actual enlistment. All of their loved ones are present, and it is here where Taemin and Kibum see each other again for the first time since their return from America after Taemin’s tour.

Taemin hates the way his breath hitches when he sees Kibum, who is clad in all black: black blazer over a black shirt and black jeans. He’s even wearing a black baseball cap. Taemin had always associated Kibum with colors—an array of numerous colors—so seeing his “ex” looking sleek in all black triggers so many sensations.

Taemin realizes later that Kibum isn’t really replete of the splash of colors he associates him with, because when Jonghyun playfully snatches his cap, Taemin sees that Kibum’s hair had been shaved to a buzz cut and bleached blonde but with wild colors in streaks and stains all over his hair. Taemin is captivated; only Kibum could pull off such a whimsical look and make it look so damn sexy.

“You know, he was just kind enough to join me the other day when I got my head shaved for military service. I was dreading it, so Kibum went with me and got a buzz cut too as his way of comforting me.” Jinki’s distinct and kind voice snaps Taemin out of his trance and he turns around to hug Jinki.

“Hi, Jinki-hyung. I was actually just… well, I-I just got surprised that--“

“Taemin, we don’t have to talk about Kibum. I just saw you looking at him, and I thought of saving you from an awkward situation in case he catches you staring at him.”

Jinki’s smile is so infectious and comforting. Taemin realizes how much he had missed his hyung… he actually misses their company. He had the best of times at the tour in the company of Jinki, Jjong, and of course, Kibum.

Jinki and Taemin didn’t notice that Jonghyun is approaching them, with Kibum in tow.

“There you are, sweetheart. And look who’s with you! Taemin, I’m sorry, but like what I told Key here, this is a special night so I want everyone to feel relaxed… and well, it’s about time that you two said _hi_. You don’t need to act like strangers.”

After a few seconds of deafening silence, Kibum decides to break the ice.

“Hi, Taemin. It’s good to see you.” Kibum smiles at Taemin shyly, not exactly meeting his eyes. He is worried that Taemin would notice that Kibum is mesmerized by his appearance… by Taemin’s red hair that reminds Kibum of the fire in his eyes when they made love.

“Hi, Kibum-hyung. Yo-your hair looks weird.” Taemin wants to slap himself for what came out of his mouth because of panic. He was bent on not making his cluttered emotions obvious, but this was not what he had planned on saying.

Kibum smiles in spite of the way he feels himself crumble inside. _He has certainly gotten over me. That’s how you usually feel when you see an ex you’re over with— you always find something ridiculous about them and you start to wonder what the hell you saw in them in the first place._

The silence resumes, making Jonghyun regret his decision to let the two face each other.

“Anyway, your tables are next to each other, right in front of the stage.”

Jinki feels his heart being pricked. Although he is glad he didn’t see or sense anger or bitterness in both of them, it is painful nonetheless to see the look of resignation on their faces. No matter what feelings they had or still have, one thing is clear: they are both resigned.

\--

“Good evening, everyone. I’d like to thank you all for coming tonight and for helping me pull off this surprise for Jinki. Anyway, this night is all about him.”

“Jinks, my hunnybunny, my sun, my love… I don’t know how the hell I will deal with your absence. I guess I’ll just overwork myself until you get back. I know we haven’t been together a long time, but I also know that this is what I want for all time. I love you and I will wait for you.”

Jonghyun pauses, unable to hold back his tears any longer. Jinki rushes to him and everyone in the room starts crying when they embrace.

Both Kibum and Taemin are teary-eyed but are holding back… and trying so very hard not to look at each other.

When Jonghyun and Jinki have regained their composure, the latter gestures for Jjong to continue his speech.

“I want to thank Taemin and Kibum. Because of their generosity, love, and support, Jinki and I were able to spend quality time together the past months. I know that life hasn’t been kind to either of you as of late, but you are both beautiful souls, so I have faith that you will find what Jinki and I found in each other, if you haven’t already. Time isn’t on your side. But I will always be rooting for love to be on yours.”

Kibum is looking at the couple with glassy eyes and blows them kisses. Taemin, on the other hand, is nodding and smiling but looking at the floor, obviously trying to hide his glazed eyes. It dawns on both of them that after this night, they don’t know when they will see each other again.

“Jinki and I have been working on a song for a couple of months now. We wrote and composed it together as our way of constructively dealing with the sadness of being apart soon. Tonight, we are going to perform it in front of an audience for the first time. This song is called **_Please Don’t Go_**.”

_Last night in my dreams_

_You drew close to me_

_Your whispered words_

_Your hair that brushed against my face_

_When I woke up from my dream_

_It was all too clear_

_That your presence was nothing but a dream_

_The tears in my eyes told me_

_You can’t, don’t leave like this_

_Please just one more time, hold me in your arms again_

_The next time I close my eyes to meet you_

_Hold me as I stay still in that spot_

_Even when I open my eyes_

_Only your figure is clear_

_That your presence was nothing but a dream_

_The sadness reflected in my tears told me_

_You can’t, don’t leave like this_

_Please just one more time, hold me in your arms again_

_The next time I close my eyes to meet you_

_Hold me as I stay still in that spot_

_I try and even though I try_

_I insist, I insist, come back to me_

At this point, Kibum no longer cares if his feelings are made known to Taemin. He lets all his tears out, breaking down and bringing relief to his aching, tired heart. What Kibum doesn’t expect when he glances at Taemin is to see the boy choking on his own tears and looking at Kibum… looking like he cannot comprehend the pain of a broken heart.

They continue looking at each other and sobbing until the last verses of the song. There is nothing but air between them and yet they are damned to remain in their seats because any movement from that point onwards is a step towards the future… a future they don’t have together.

_You can’t, don’t leave like this_

_Please just one more time, hold me in your arms again_

_You can’t, don’t leave like this_

_Please just one more time, hold me in your arms again_

_The next time_

_I close my eyes to meet you_

_Hold me as I stay still in that spot_

As the song ends, Kibum closes his eyes and brings his hands to his eyes to wipe off his tears and regain a clear vision.

When Kibum glances back at Taemin, he is gone.

A/N:

Hello everyone! Please support our Taemin's new song _2 Kids_. Show our superstar some love. Thank you! :-)


	30. 30 YOU AND I (part 1)

30 YOU AND I _(part 1)_

“I was so happy during the tour. But in a strange, sick way I wished that he’d turn out to be a typical celebrity and I would just end up being used. During that time, I was so used to being hurt and emotionally battered that my life would’ve just went on even after he breaks me. But he loved me back. Taemin loved me back. And suddenly, I didn’t know what to do.”

Kibum pauses to chuckle to himself… a sinister laugh that sounds pained more than anything.

“That’s why when we went out for karaoke with SuJu and EXO, I picked the song _I Don’t Know How To Love Him_. Because I really didn’t know. Well, I guess I wasn’t supposed to know… because when we finally decided to be together, we found out that we could actually never.”

_Yet, if he said he loved me  
I'd be lost, I'd be frightened  
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope_

_I'd turn my head, I'd back away  
I wouldn't want to know  
He scares me so  
I want him so_

_I love him so_

Kibum interrupts himself before the whole song plays in his head.

“Anyway, I’m sorry, Minho. I didn’t mean to bore you with my Shakespearean tragedy. **It’s been more than a year and a half.** I’m sure he has moved on.”

“And have you?” Minho’s beautiful big eyes are fixed on him and his eyebrows are raised. Kibum realizes that Minho is genuinely eager to know his answer.

\--

Taemin is sitting by the counter table, waiting for the takeout Hamachi Sashimi and tuna roll he left in the fridge overnight to lose a bit of coldness. He is in a serviced apartment in Shinjuku.

Taemin has spent more time in Tokyo than in Seoul for the past year and a half. Among his dozens of projects here is a Japanese album with promotional tour. Taemin had personally requested to be more active in Japan for the time being, which is why he is staying in an apartment and not in a hotel. The executives were merciful enough not to ask Taemin why he wanted to be away from Seoul.

SME had been accommodating to Taemin’s requests since that fateful day… the day Jinchae exposed him and Kibum to the executives. On good days, Taemin thinks of the management’s gesture as a kind compensation. On bad days, Taemin believes they’re just giving him enough to hold on to since he still is SME’s most bankable solo act. 

As Taemin drifts off in thought and his sushi thaws out, he doesn’t notice right away that Jonghyun is calling him. It is only when the kettle whistles that he comes to his senses and sees his phone screen flashing.

Taemin: _Hyung! Sorry it took me a while to pick up._

Jonghyun: _Hey, Tae! I just got off the phone with Mr. Nam and it looks like you have to return to Seoul next week._

Taemin: _Yeah, I’m not surprised. I only have two variety shows and one radio show to do and that’s a wrap for my promo._

Jonghyun: _Good, good._

Taemin: _You know, hyung… that one’s an honest to goodness good song._

Jonghyun: _Huh? Song? What are you talking about?_

Taemin: _‘Good Good’_

Jonghyun: [ _after an awkwardly long pause_ ] _You like his album, don’t you?_

Taemin: _Like it? I love it, hyung. It’s really good. I just… I just have qualms about it being called Face._

Jonghyun: _You don’t think ‘Face’ suits Kibum?_

Taemin: _O-of course it does. He’s… he has… I mean, we all know he’s got the face. It’s just that I can’t help but think it was Miss Seok who decided on it. That cruel hag._

Jonghyun: [ _laughs loudly then clears his throat_ ] _So how are you, Tae? Before you answer me with ‘I’m okay’, you know what I mean by ‘how are you’._

Taemin: [ _sighs_ ] _I’m a lot better now, hyung. I can listen to his songs now without wanting to stab my heart with a kitchen knife since it won’t be different from how I actually feel._

Jonghyun: [ _chuckles_ ] _It’s good to know you’re better. And you’re actually joking about it, which is a good sign._

Taemin: _Speaking of him… have you seen his new music video?_

Jonghyun: _‘I Will Fight’? Of course. Why? What about it?_

Taemin: _He wrote it for… anyway, forget it. Who directed the MV?_

Jonghyun: _Ben Mison, the British fella SME commissioned. So what about it?_

Taemin: _That scene on the rooftop of a high-rise building where he was blindfolded and seemingly reliving the memory of kissing the girl in the MV… whose idea was that?_

Jonghyun: _Well, I was there during the brainstorming for the MV. Kibum insisted that for this particular song, he’d provide the imagery storyline. Taemin, you are not answering my question. What about it?_

Taemin: _Nothing, hyung. Forget it. Anyway, I have to eat my brunch. Haru will be here in half an hour to pick me up._

Jonghyun: _You’ve been spending a lot of time with her lately. Is there something you’re not telling me, Taeminah? Is this why you’re ‘better’ now?_

Taemin: _Hyung, as I said, I need to eat and get dressed. I’ll see you next week. Bye!_

\--

It is a pivotal moment in the musical— the part where the lead character’s estranged wife and current girlfriend are singing out their woes about one man.

Taemin imagines how Kibum portrayed the character of Anatoly in their theater production of _Chess The Musical_ in New York. He believes it’s a convincing role since Kibum is handsome enough to have people fighting and going to pieces for him. Taemin remembers that night in Singapore when he, Kai, and Heechul were practically drooling over Kibum so bad that the shindig ended with a punch on Heechul’s face, a tug of war between Taemin and Kai, and a passed out Taemin in the hotel. Taemin scoffs at the memory, earning him a glance from Haru.

“They’re all so good. I’m glad you invited me to watch tonight.” Haru grasps Taemin’s arm and smiles sweetly at him before turning her attention back to the musical.

_No one in your life is with you constantly_

_No one is completely on your side_

_And though I moved my world to be with him_

_Still the gap between us is too wide_

The words to the song stirred something in Taemin… something that seems to constrict the air he’s supposed to breathe out. Taemin decides to humor himself once again by wondering if Kibum has admirers, or even lovers, that are currently fighting over him.

_Wasn’t it good? [Oh so good]_

_Wasn’t he fine? [Oh so fine]_

_Isn’t it madness? He can’t be mine_

_Didn’t I know how it would go?_

_If I knew from the start, why am I falling apart?_

The thought of Choi Minho suddenly pops inside Taemin’s head. He suddenly imagines himself singing this duet with Minho.

_Choi Minho_. He and Kibum seem to be inseparable. _Choi Minho_. SM’s debonair actor who turns out to be multi-talented. As if his dashing good looks weren’t enough, the man can act, sing, rap, dance, and write lyrics. He collaborated with Kibum for the latter’s first single, “One of Those Nights”, taking over all the rap parts, which Taemin thought was unnecessary because Kibum is a good rapper. Perhaps Taemin’s just bitter.

Minho’s collaboration with Kibum delighted many. Their stages were lauded and the fans have even started shipping them. Sometimes Taemin would search the _Taekey_ tag online just to see how many fans still remember his unbeatable chemistry with Kibum. But what Taemin wanted to know more than this is if Kibum’s bond with Minho is more than professional ties or friendship. Could Kibum be into the overtly manly type now? Taemin knows that Kibum will not be allowed to date another man. But maybe his relationship with Minho is confined in the sexual nature so Kibum wouldn’t mind it being brief and a secret. Besides, Taemin is convinced that Minho will be more than willing to keep it a secret because in one interview he expressed his desire to have a wife and a kid before he turns forty. So is he straight? As far as Taemin is concerned, he himself thought he was straight prior to meeting Kibum. More importantly, Taemin cannot find it in himself to believe that Choi Minho is immune to the beauty of Kim Kibum.

And as much as Taemin is happy for Kibum’s success and for the acclaim his album _Face_ received, he cannot help but wonder if Kibum has now adapted to the glamorous filth of show business. Is he now living the celebrity life, indulging in unadulterated pleasure that his fame, money, and good looks can afford?

Taemin snaps out of his thoughts when Haru stands up all of a sudden. She is clapping enthusiastically, and it is only then that Taemin realizes that it is already curtain call and the audience is giving the main cast a standing ovation.

\--

Taemin has never been more grateful that his company hardly gives him any time to rest. As soon as he returns to Seoul, he prepares for the release of his mini-album, _Want_.

Upon Taemin’s suggestion, SM commissions Haru to choreograph the title track. As soon as the teasers were released, the fans became zealous in expressing their excitement over Taemin’s comeback. By this time, the public is aware that Haru is Taemin’s favorite choreographer… and that she flies in from Tokyo far too frequently for it to be for the sole purpose of work.

During one of their rehearsals, Kibum happens to pass by the dance studio and sees them. After the supposed scandal that Jinchae had wanted to leak, SM implemented a literal open door policy in the rehearsal rooms.

It is Kibum’s first time to see Taemin in the flesh since Jinki’s sendoff party. Kibum would’ve been happy to see Taemin smiling, no, beaming. But the way he is sharing the view of his iPad with Haru—obviously showing her something—with such a delighted look on his face stirs unwelcome jealousy inside Kibum. He remembers all those times during the tour when he and Taemin are huddled together inside dressing rooms, looking at either Kibum’s phone or Taemin’s tablet and sharing a good laugh. _Taemin’s eyes twinkle like stars when he laughs or smiles._ In spite of everything that had happened and all the developments that had taken place in his life, Kibum forlornly realizes that somewhere deep inside of him, he still wants to be the reason Taemin smiles that way.

“Hey.” Minho’s voice seems to have frozen the tears that are threatening to seep out of Kibum’s tear ducts. “Are you okay, Kibum?”

“Yeah. I was just… I just have some lines in my head that I want to write down. Maybe for a song.” Kibum flashes a sincere but weary smile at Minho, who puts his arm around Kibum and ushers him out of the hallway. Kibum lets him, as he actually forms a lyric line in his mind…

_ I’m the only one who’s hurting, though I seem fine _

Taemin’s head is thrown back, as he is laughing at one comment on a Twitter post he and Haru are looking at, when he spots moving figures outside the studio. Even from behind and meters away, Taemin will be able to recognize Kibum, who is now walking towards the floor’s exit. And Taemin doesn’t need to wonder too long as to who the owner of the arm around Kibum’s shoulders is— the towering height, athletic build, and smart casual outfit gave it away. Choi Minho.

Taemin closes his eyes for a moment, summoning every willpower he can muster to drive out unpleasant thoughts and sustain his energy, which he needs for dance practice. Especially that his showcase for _Want_ is in a couple of days.

“Taemin?”

Taemin snaps his eyes open and looks at Haru. He finds himself looking at her like he has never done before. Haru is actually a beautiful woman, but this is only secondary to what makes her a force. Taemin’s dancer persona, which is practically all of him, is drawn to Haru. She is one of the best dancers Taemin has ever worked with and she has her own brand of aesthetics that has somehow influenced him.

During their flight back to Seoul from New York, Taemin and Kibum talked about new love. It was Kibum himself who told Taemin to be receptive to new love because only then will he realize the power it holds. Kibum loved Ezra for two years of his life and it never occurred to him that a new love could trample it. It happened to Kibum. Kibum believes in it because it happened to him when he fell in love with Taemin. And perhaps it is the same belief that has led Kibum into the arms of Choi Minho.

Is it really possible for Taemin to find new love here and now?

\--

_Want_ the mini-album is a commercial and critical success. Taemin is virtually everywhere, and try as Kibum might to focus on his own work (he is releasing a Japanese album), he finds himself watching Taemin’s music videos and music show performances.

It isn’t really helping that Taemin’s whole look for _Want_ is something Kibum himself would lobby for— elegant pantsuits made edgy with multiple-stranded studded belts ( _that accentuate Taemin’s tiny, tiny waist_ ) and one sleeve cut off in favor of a full-armed embellished glove. Taemin’s soft blonde hair is cut in a way that shows a developing mullet and he is sporting a smoky-eye makeup in metallic earth colors.

It isn’t fair, too, that in the middle of the performance, Taemin throws his hips around in a sexy swivel. Kibum literally held his breath the first time he saw that move. It surprises Kibum that buried underneath the sadness he feels over losing Taemin, there is still searing lust. Watching Taemin dance summons memories of his agility in bed. Kibum shuts his MacBook close and grabs his notebook and pen. Kibum is working on a song, and right now, he’d rather write than torture himself.

After coming up with a couple of lines, Kibum’s mind wanders back to Taemin’s _Want_ performance. Despite the bitterness Kibum feels but tries to deny to himself, he admits that the choreography is brilliant. Haru outdid herself once again. But more importantly, she seems to know the maximum potential of Taemin’s body in terms of movement and grace. She created a dance for him that is simply beautiful.

Kibum realizes that whatever it is between Taemin and Haru (of course he is privy to the persistent rumors), it is something that is definitely profound. _Haru seems to know Taemin’s movements intimately… she seems to know his body well._

Kibum has never felt so conflicted. He basks in the beauty of Taemin as he does what he does best: dance… but at the same time, the knowledge of Taemin’s collaboration with Haru hurts him. Kibum imagines the long hours of dance rehearsals… the two of them moving perfectly together. It would be impossible for the dance not to end in something even more intimate. But if it weren’t for that collaboration, Kibum wouldn’t see this glorious dance of Taemin’s. And Kibum knows that accomplishing something so meaningful to Taemin would make the latter happy. In the end, that’s all that matters. That Taemin is well and happy. Kibum smiles and wipes his eyes so he can write more lines.

_ I take a handful of memories and think about them every day with a smile _   
_ Even though we said time would numb our hearts and turned around for each other  
  
I’m the only one who’s hurting, though I seem fine  
I’m not easy, my heart isn’t just a decoration _   
  


\--

The end of the promotional period for _Want_ coincides with Kibum’s departure for Japan to record his first Japanese album, _Hologram_. Kibum welcomes this as another healthy distraction, since it is easier to get a grip of things when he and Taemin are in different countries.

Kibum looks up from the magazine he’s reading at Gimpo Airport’s Asiana lounge when he hears a female voice addressing him.

“Hello, Key. Do you remember me?”

Kibum inwardly curses SM for booking him and Haru on the same flight. He doesn’t not like her, but given the circumstances ( _by ‘circumstances’ he means Taemin, his brain interjects_ ), it just feels awkward to interact with her.

Haru looks sleek in her gray cashmere sweater and black square pants, short hair combed back and waxed, and face bare, save for a matte red lipstick. She looks more elegant and lovely than a mega-skilled dancer/choreographer had the right to be. It is no wonder that Taemin has moved on quicker than Kibum.

“Even if Jonghyun hadn’t introduced us, I would recognize one of the best dancers in the world. Hello, Haru.”

“Rino told me you’re one of the best too. I hope we could work together in the future.”

Haru takes the seat across the coffee table. “I hope you don’t mind that I finish my coffee here?”

“Not at all,” Kibum says, surprising himself with the sincerity he felt when he replied.

“Why are you leaving Seoul so soon? _Want_ era just ended. You could use a little time for leisure and relaxation before heading back home.”

“Oh, trust me, Key, I would’ve wanted to stay. But it’s better that I don’t.”

Kibum doesn’t know how to reply to that. They’re not exactly friends, so even if he’s curious, Kibum doesn’t pry.

Haru senses Kibum’s slight discomfort, so she decides to bring up the elephant in the room.

“Key, I know about you and Taemin.”

“Oh.” It’s the best response Kibum can come up with, given how surprised he is by Haru’s statement.

“Taemin and I spend a lot of time together so we talk about practically everything. He told me about your history.”

_History_. Kibum swallows the lump in his throat. Haru called _them_ history. It is truly over between him and Taemin. Of course it’s been over for quite some time now. But hearing it from someone, no matter how indirectly, adds more sting.

“It cannot be helped… talking about everything, I mean. We practice nine hours a day, six days a week. Sometimes I let him sleep over at my room in Hotel Peyto. Taemin loves to drink after work.”

“Does he now?”

“Yes.”

Kibum wants their conversation to end, since looking at Haru is filling his mind with images of her with Taemin… Taemin and her in the dance studio… Taemin and her in a hotel room…

“I’m done.” Haru puts her coffee cup down and stands up before patting down her sweater. “I guess I’ll see you around. Bye, Key.”

“Haru, wait--“ Kibum doesn’t know why he suddenly blurted this out because everything that he wants to say he’d rather keep to himself. But maybe he can manage to ask one question, since Haru is already looking at him and waiting for him to speak up.

“Are you and Taemin together?”

Haru stares at him for a few seconds before clearing her throat.

_ “Ask no questions, and you'll be told no lies…  _

This is what Taemin often tells me, so I’ll tell you the same thing. _”_

“I know that line. It’s from--“

“ _Great Expectations_. Taemin has that damn book with him all the time.” 


	31. 31 FAMOUS

31 FAMOUS

“I’m here to see Mrs. Kim… Kim Heekyung. I’m Lee Taemin, and I’m supposed to be in the list of kin.”

The receptionist opens the database of authorized visitors on the desktop computer. Of course she knows who Lee Taemin is, but she needs to verify his claim of being in the list. In spite of Taemin’s breathtaking good looks in person, the receptionist isn’t willing to lose her job on account of being star-struck.

“Here. Yes, you are authorized by Mr. Kim Kibum, along with Lee Jinki, to visit his mother without his permission. Mrs. Kim is in the east wing, second floor. Room 2318. The nurse at the floor’s lobby will brief you on the visiting rules.”

Taemin wants to delight in the fact that Kibum hasn’t scratched his name off the very exclusive list and hasn’t registered a new name ( _a certain Choi Minho_ ), but his more sensible side is telling him that it may not just have occurred to Kibum to update these records, especially that he’s very busy with his career.

\--

Kibum’s mother appears to be watching a period drama when Taemin enters the room. As Taemin suspected, Heekyung isn’t exactly following the events on TV because her facial expression remains blank even as he positions himself in front of the screen.

“Hello, Mrs. Kim. I’m Taemin. I visited you a long time ago. I’m Kibum’s… friend.”

Taemin sits on the chair by Heekyung’s bedside and holds the woman’s hand, which is lying limply on her side. He notices that she has long fingers too, like Kibum.

Heekyung stares at Taemin’s hand on her own for a few seconds then looks at him. She pulls her hand away, causing Taemin to worry about the physical contact upsetting her. But then she extends her hand and touches Taemin’s cheek. “Pretty boy,” Heekyung says carefully, as if addressing a child.

“My name is Taemin.”

“Taemin?”

“Yes. Taemin.”

Heekyung leans back on her pillow and keeps staring at Taemin. Her lips are slightly parted in an amused smile, so Taemin decides to keep talking to her. He is relieved that his presence doesn’t seem to be an intrusion for Heekyung. Nevertheless, the appearance of her dimples sends a rush of bittersweet memories. Taemin reaches out to take her hand again.

“I’m going to visit you from time to time while Kibum is in Japan. You might get sad not seeing him for a long time. I heard from Jjong-hyung that he’ll be there for almost a month.”

Taemin tells Heekyung about his forthcoming projects and things that keep him preoccupied these days, not really concerned about how much of what he says is actually processed by Heekyung. Judging from the way she smiles and animatedly widens her eyes, Taemin knows that she’s happy with or simply entertained by his company.

When his jaw tires from much talking, Taemin brings out his tablet and shows Heekyung some of his recent stages. He also shows her Kibum’s stages for Face promotions. Heekyung is obviously enjoying watching the performances; she moves her shoulders and arms in an awkward attempt to dance along with the music. To amuse her further, Taemin does a little dancing in his seat.

Taemin and Heekyung are both laughing when the nurse, who has been checking on them every now and then, enters the room with a tray of food.

“I’m sorry, Sir, but I need to feed her so she can take her medication and rest.”

“No problem. Let me just say goodbye.”

“She really enjoyed your visit, Sir.”

Taemin smiles gratefully at the nurse. He then slips his tablet back inside his sling bag and kisses Heekyung on the forehead before standing up.

“I’ll come back again soon. Bye, Mrs. Kim.”

“Bye, Mrs. Kim,” Heekyung happily echoes.

“No, you are Mrs. Kim. I am Taemin.”

“Taemin?”

“Yes, I’m Taemin.”

“Yes, I’m Taemin,” Heekyung repeats.

The nurse chuckles at Taemin as he sighs and makes his way to the door. Taemin hears Heekyung utter his name repeatedly until he manages to step out. Before closing the door, Taemin catches Heekyung’s words but wonders if he heard her correctly…

“Umma, I love Taemin… Umma, I love Taemin...”

\-- 

Kibum sips the last few drops of his Iced Americano, eager to get rid of the plastic cup before Rino sees it. His choreographer has warned him about drinking coffee in between dance rehearsals, but Kibum needed his fix. Besides, it’s not like he went out of his way to buy one; it was Hiro—one of the dancers—who sneaked in a _grande_ cup for Kibum without him asking for it. Hiro has been really nice to him since they met, and Kibum didn’t fail to notice that the dancer is easy on the eyes.

Kibum’s first Japanese album, _Hologram_ , has been released, and due to its success, the promotional period in Tokyo has been extended. More importantly, Kibum is preparing for his first ever concert, which will be held at the Japan Arena.

Kibum had insisted on doing a Christmas concert, desperate to escape the deep melancholia he’s usually sucked into during the holidays. Perhaps the adrenaline rush and the cheers of fans will help him survive another cold and harsh Christmas Eve.

Slumped on the floor of the practice room, Kibum’s mind drifts off to Taemin. The barrage of Kibum’s activities as of late has developed in him a deeper respect for Taemin. _How does he do it? Back to back Korean and Japanese albums, and concerts too!_

Kibum’s passion for music and performing is only secondary to his reason for wanting to be swamped with work: loneliness.

Kibum suddenly wishes that it isn’t the case for Taemin. Suddenly, the thought of Taemin welcoming projects left and right as a way of dealing with his loneliness is unbearable to Kibum.

_He deserves success but also happiness. Happiness, more than anything._

Kibum remembers Haru and wonders if she is a source of happiness for Taemin. She didn’t really confirm nor deny being in a relationship with Taemin, but Kibum can’t stop thinking about their conversation at the airport café. She mentioned that Taemin always carries with him a copy of the novel _Great Expectations_. It’s the book that Kibum bought for Taemin in Singapore. His first gift to Taemin.

As much as he wants to avoid the thought, Kibum cannot help but wonder if it means anything. Did Taemin just fall in love with the novel? Is he using it to keep improving his English?

If Taemin carries it with him all the time for sentimental reasons, does this mean he still has feelings for Kibum?

Kibum scoffs at the idea but finds himself drawing a mental parallel image of Taemin and the novel’s protagonist, Pip. Kibum knows Taemin did love him, but does he love the same way as Pip?

_Love her, love her, love her! If she favours you, love her. If she wounds you, love her. If she tears your heart to pieces—and as it gets older and stronger, it will tear deeper—love her, love her, love her!_

Did Taemin read this passage and took it to heart as if Miss Havisham was speaking to him? Does Taemin love as relentlessly?

Kibum shakes his head as his way of shaking off his thoughts, ashamed of his presumptions and delusions about being the Estella to Taemin’s Pip. But what Kibum is most ashamed of is that he wishes it were true.

“Hey, Key, do you need help?” Hiro’s question startles Kibum, until he realizes that he was in the process of standing up when he stopped so he has one knee bent.

Kibum’s takes the hand Hiro extended and gets up on his feet.

\--

Taemin turns the TV power off as soon as he enters the room. He has visited Heekyung several times so he has grown accustomed to having her look at him the entire time he’s with her. The TV then just becomes a useless background noise, especially since Taemin finds it relaxing pouring his heart out to Heekyung.

Heekyung immediately snatches the object in Taemin’s hand as soon as he gets near enough. Taemin lets her examine the book for a few minutes before carefully retrieving it.

“Kibum gave me this book when we were in Singapore. He took me around Tiong Bahru. He said he wants to live there and I understand why. Anyway, we went to this book shop with a vending machine of books outside. He gave me this book as a gift. I bought the Korean version when we went back to Seoul so I could learn about the story. When I became more fluent in English, I read this portion by portion. I think I’ve read the whole novel thrice already. Here, I’ll read to you my favorite part…”

_The unqualified truth is, that when I loved Estella with the love of a man, I loved her simply because I found her irresistible. Once for all; I knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not always, that I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be. Once for all; I love her none the less because I knew it, and it had no more influence in restraining me, than if I had devoutly believed her to be human perfection._

“It’s not easy to understand a new language, especially if you’re trying to read an eloquent passage. But I guess I’m lucky… I was able to understand the language because I understood the feelings behind the text. When I read this part, it made me think about Kibum and how I feel about him.”

“Kibum.”

“Yes, Kibum. Your son.”

“Kibum?”

“Yes. Kibum.”

“Umma, I love Taemin.”

So Taemin didn’t just imagine hearing her say those words.

“Did Kibum tell you that, Mrs. Kim?”

Heekyung grabs the book from Taemin and cradles it in her arms.

Taemin knows he cannot solicit a response from Heekyung, but he is desperate to find out if Kibum had really said that he loves Taemin. But even if Taemin is able to confirm it, Heekyung has no sense of time anymore so it might have been from a conversation ages ago… during the time when they were still in love.

But Taemin is still in love, isn’t he? Is Kibum just as confused, or is it irrelevant to him now?

Whatever plan Taemin had about getting any information or the sort from Heekyung is quickly abandoned after he receives a text from Jonghyun about an appointment that has been moved earlier.

Taemin kisses Heekyung’s forehead—a usual goodbye gesture from him to her—and hurriedly leaves to meet Jonghyun.

\--

Kibum wasn’t in any mood to attend a party, but it’s the birthday of Universal Music Japan’s brand manager, so he is currently in his ‘partyest’ outfit among the clothes he packed and sipping his eighth lychee martini. Hiro is beside him, looking more delicious than the bar chow tempura laid before them, but Kibum somehow finds himself thinking about the people he will cross out in his Christmas list since he will be in Japan for the holidays, and only the ones closest to him have the right to expect a belated Christmas present. 

He is stopped from drifting farther off by a ravishing creature in red that has joined them at their table. Kibum has to admit that Haru looks just as good in person as she does in her new Shiseido makeup advertisement.

Thanks to their common passion for dance, they can actually form a connection outside their obvious link named Lee Taemin. Kibum brings up his intention to explore a different dancing style in the future, and Haru gladly gives him pointers.

Their conversation strays to popular dances in the 80s and 90s, causing them to laugh hysterically at certain (ridiculous) dance moves that became a craze in Asia. Kibum wonders why he isn’t best friends with Haru, since they actually get along well and they have similar taste in a lot of things (including men, obviously). He gets his answer not even a second later when Taemin’s face flashes on the screen of her phone.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Key… I have to take this.”

Kibum smiles at Haru, taking a gulp of his ( _thirteenth?_ ) martini and feeling as though he swallowed an entire un-chewed lychee even if the lychee is still sitting prettily at the bottom of his martini glass, looking pinkish and plump like the apples of Taemin’s cheeks when he smiles.

_So he called to check on her while she’s at a party. How sweet._

Kibum downs his drink and dumps the lychee quite forcefully on the napkin— an action that catches the attention of Hiro.

“Hey, are you okay?” Hiro lays a hand on Kibum’s knee and massages the curve with his fingers. “You look upset. Do you want to get out of here?”

Kibum shoots a glance at Haru, who is laughing heartily but still looking elegant. Had it been him laughing his heart out, he’d be sprawled all over the floor with zero poise. At least he knows for sure now that Taemin and Haru make each other laugh.

Kibum grabs Hiro’s hand as he stands up on wobbly legs. “Let’s go.”

\--

When Jonghyun shows Taemin the UMJ manager’s Instagram photo of Haru and Kibum chatting at his birthday party, Taemin immediately calls Haru.

Haru picks up quickly, and only then did Taemin realize that he doesn’t know what to say to her. He curses his impulses even more when the first thing he says to her is, “I don’t know why I called.”

Thankfully, Haru is in a jovial mood, so she laughs at this for several seconds.

“Perhaps you miss me? Anyway, I’m at a party in UMJ… and Kibum is here! Oh, wait… was here. We were just talking earlier. Oh, there he is! He’s leaving. Oooh… he’s leaving with Hiro. They’re holding hands.”

“Hiro? Who the hell is Hiro?”

“You know Hiro. He’s one of the dancers here at UMJ. Dark straight hair, droopy eyes… the cutest of them all, if you ask me. Kibum’s got good taste.”

“Haru-san, I need to go back to the meeting. Enjoy the party. Bye.”

\--

Kibum’s back is against the wall as he feels hot breath traveling down his chest. Unless there is a door to a bedroom smacked right in the middle of the party venue, Kibum has no idea how he went about a transit to where he is right now. But it feels so good being kissed, touched, and held… and now his bulge is being mouthed at through his briefs, so it doesn’t matter anymore how he got inside a bedroom. He digs his fingers into thick hair and grips it with managed force. “Ahhhh… Oh Taem…”

The ministrations stop. Kibum opens his eyes and finds himself looking down at a panting Hiro. 

“I’m sorry, Key. You’re drunk, I should’ve driven you to your hotel instead of taking you home.”

“Ah, shit. No, I’m sorry, Hiro. I… how did I get here?”

“We made out in my car, you don’t remember?”

Kibum hides his burning cheeks behind his hands, too embarrassed to look at Hiro. Not even in his teenage years did Kibum experience getting so drunk that he couldn’t remember making out and going home with someone.

“It’s okay, Key. I just… I just thought you really wanted it. You seemed so eager to sleep with me... until you called me _Taem_.”

Kibum slides down to the floor and this time covers his entire face with his folded knees.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ve seen worse drunken behavior.” Hiro kneels in front of Kibum and chuckles when the latter refuses to look at him. “Come on, I’ll drive you to your hotel. You’re forgiven. Just don’t tell anyone this happened. I have my pride.” Hiro chuckles again and this time Kibum pulls him in for a hug.

“Thank you, Hiro. And again, I’m sorry.”

\--

“He’s sleeping around now, Jjong-hyung. I know it. I know he sleeps with Choi Minho but they have no future because the guy is a conformist and will settle down with a woman and have children when the time is right. So to be fair to himself, Kibum sleeps with other men. And tonight he’s banging Hiro. To think I included Hiro in the list of dancers that will appear with me in the Famous music vid. I’m striking his name off!”

Taemin lifts and waves his empty bottle of Soju for the waiter to get him another.

“Taem, I think you’ve had too much. Let’s get the bill then I’ll drive you home.”

“I don’t want to go home. I wish Haru were here in Seoul.”

“Why? You’d sleep with her if she were here as your way of settling the score with Kibum? Taemin, that isn’t you. Besides, I know you like Haru and you wouldn’t want to hurt her.”

“Exactly. I like her and she likes me, so I should finally get down to it!”

“Why don’t you, Taemin?”

\--

Lights out. The loudest cheers that Kibum still cannot believe are all for him fill his ears. He basks in the love that is sent his way via screams and chants. The audience area is still illuminated so he sees their faces. They display joy, awe, and giddiness… some show sadness. _Is it because it’s over?_ No matter what the reason, Kibum finds himself relating to the sad ones the most.

Kibum is grateful he felt genuine happiness and elation all throughout the show. He must really be born for this, to be a star. Because he fed off the energy of the crowd while combusting with his own urge to entertain his fans and give them a show that is worth every cent they spent. He was _in his element_ , as they usually describe it.

But now that the show has ended, Kibum is shocked to feel painfully hollow inside. He just wrapped a successful solo concert. His mission as a performer has been accomplished. Not only is he shocked but he feels self-loathing… why isn’t he on a high? There is no doubt he’s a superstar himself now. But why does he want to abandon himself, like an alien who has no more use for his human disguise so he wants to step out of the human skin and throw it away?

_Does Taemin feel like this? Live like this?_

Kibum is suddenly gripped with so much compassion for Taemin. And so much affection for the superstar’s resolve not to be a burden to anyone in spite of his inner turmoil.

_Does Taemin feel this miserable when the show is over? Or is it just me reeling in misery because the show is over?_

_Because the show is over or because WE are over?_

Kibum feels like a fish out of water, breathing in air he isn’t supposed to be inhaling. 

_We didn’t tell each other it’s over. It was the circumstances that led us to believe that. But do you realize it has never been over between us, Taemin? I still love you. Do you still love me?_

\--

When Kibum wakes up early the next morning, he feels like he is waking up to the sun setting. He cannot believe that, in the wake of his newfound fame, he will question himself if he has hit rock-bottom.

He is suddenly filled with remorse and starts arguing with himself because he is in fact grateful… so grateful for what he has achieved, especially that he is able to provide for the needs of his sick mother without the aid of her ex-husbands or any relative or friend.

But Kibum’s idea of rock-bottom isn’t necessarily the decline of all aspects in a person’s life like the obvious equation of poverty + sickness + solitude. For Kibum, it’s having everything that constitutes to what the world perceives as success or triumph and yet feel like the biggest loser in existence during moments when your only audience is yourself.

Kibum grabs the white blanket covering him and hurls it to the floor before sitting up on the king-sized hotel bed. He is completely naked, save for the crust of dried cum all over his tummy. _Yep, this is rock-bottom._

Just last night he was in an arena full of people who are more than willing to bang him senseless on these expensive sheets. But he ended up going back to his hotel alone and asking his manager to buy him convenience store dinner. Shin suggested that Kibum call room service and order steak and wine, but Kibum has no appetite and insisted that Shin buys the first microwaveable packed dinner he sees in the combini. And that was how Kibum ended up eating chicken teriyaki and rice from a plastic bowl on the coffee table inside his suite.

After dinner, Kibum showered and changed into his favorite silk pajamas, banking on this simple pleasure to help lighten his mood for bedtime. But as he laid on the bed, the way the silky fabric clung to the meatiest part of his thighs and his balls made him think of Taemin’s thick smooth lips. He jerked off to the thought of fucking Taemin’s mouth and impossibly tight hole, and dozed off as soon as his cock released the last bead of cum. The finale of a milestone night for Kibum known as Keyland.

_Enough. This has to stop. I cannot live like this._

Kibum gets off the bed and scrambles towards the desk, where he finds a complimentary post card with a gorgeous shot of the hotel’s magnificent façade. He is glad that the SME executives gave in to his request to book him at The Peninsula for his last week in Tokyo. He loves everything about the hotel, but more than its top of the line interiors, facilities, and services, Kibum cherishes the memories the place houses; it’s where he, Taemin, and Jinki-Jjong where booked on the first week of Taemin’s tour. It’s where he and Taemin had their first conversation that lasted until sunrise.

Kibum phones the reception and arranges for a next-day mail delivery to Seoul. After he hangs up, Kibum grabs the pen and post card, jots down Jonghyun’s office address on the recipient’s field, and writes his message on the blank space…

_Lee Taemin,_

_“Are you up for an English lesson tonight?”_

_Too bad you are miles away._

_Merry Christmas, Superstar!_

_xx_


	32. 32 YOU AND I (part 2)

32 YOU AND I (part 2)

Kibum had anticipated landing in Incheon feeling like his heart will be doing its own descent. He had let himself down with the way he spent what is supposed to be the most important night of his life, post-show, that is. He gave his all in the concert, so he is happy with his performance and the reception of the audience. But painfully contrary to those efforts, he didn’t even try at all to celebrate the show’s success. Or the fact that it was Christmas Eve. Kibum cringes at the memory of how his night ended.

Nevertheless, Kibum did something in the morning that is some sort of a salvation. After sending the hotel postcard to Taemin, he got to his songwriting work in progress and actually finished it. For Kibum, it was more than just finishing a song… it was the second to the last step towards the closure he wants, needs in order to turn a new leaf and leave the pathetic self he’s been donning for quite some time now. Christmas had been a disaster even though he thought he was clever enough to make it merry by virtue of a concert overseas. Although Kibum has accepted his failure, he is keen on not being the same loser come New Year.

And to get to the last step in getting closure, Kibum phones Jonghyun for a request. 

\--

Pretending that the holidays had not been a letdown, Kibum wears a thick cashmere sweater with green and black stripes. He looks somewhat Christmas-y but not in the tacky American family season’s greetings postcard fashion. He waxes his hair, which has grown from the color-splash buzz cut he got not long ago, and it is now dyed dark brown. “Boyfriend look” is the first thing Jonghyun said when Kibum enters the office adjacent to the recording studio.

Kibum hugs Jonghyun so tightly that it instantly communicates his gratitude.

When Kibum finished writing his song _You and I_ , he called Jonghyun and asked—or more like demanded—to record the song with Taemin. As in a duet. He has no intention of wrecking Taemin’s relationship ( _whatever kind of relationship it is_ ) with Haru whom Kibum believes to be the one his wonderful Taemin deserves. But Kibum felt he needed to do this for his sake and Taemin’s, and even Haru’s. Overwhelmed by the need to find closure, Kibum discards the idea of his request being preposterous and nearly impossible.

Nevertheless, Kibum once again thanks his lucky stars and recalls the first time he did this inside an elevator on his first visit to SM and unexpectedly getting hired as a translator and English tutor for a certain young superstar named Lee Taemin. This time he is grateful because Jonghyun actually got management to give the proposal a green light. Kibum also feels lucky having a best friend like Jinki, who ushered him into Jonghyun’s world. Jonghyun isn’t just a manager in SM. He is regarded as an artist who works for and with other artists. His credibility is so notable that management never interferes with Jonghyun’s decisions when he writes or produces songs and handpicks the artists that will interpret those songs. So in spite of Kibum and Taemin’s “history”, they will be recording the song _You and I_ as a duet.

Kibum doesn’t know if it’s just because of the holiday season, but he finds himself in the throes of nostalgia. Flashbacks of the events that have brought him to this point run through his mind— saying goodbye to his childhood friend Jinki and making new friends in America, growing up and developing passion for theater, dating Ezra, being deported along with his mother after his stepfather’s arrest, reuniting with Jinki and meeting Jjong, building a career at SM, and falling in love with Taemin.  
  


He has accomplished quite a lot since then, but deep inside Kibum feels that things have been on a standstill since Taemin… that even if he has carved a lucrative career for himself in the music industry, it felt like it wasn’t all of him that lived through those experiences. Since he fell in love with Taemin, Kibum had been adrift. There was never a point during their time together wherein it was established that they are in a committed relationship. And even if there was clarity in how they felt about each other, Kibum doesn’t know where the love stood or where it actually ended up when they stopped seeing each other. He knows it was love. But the way they ended things by not exactly ending things keeps Kibum in a state of restlessness. He has accepted their fate and has no plans of pursuing Taemin at the risk of ruining superstar Lee Taemin. But Kibum needs closure, even just to be able to assure himself that he is crying every night over a love that was lost and not over something vague.

Once again, Taemin rudely interrupts Kibum’s life as he enters the office in a yellow version of the sweater Kibum is wearing. When only minutes ago he is searing with sentimentality, Kibum is now laughing along with Jonghyun, who bursts into laughter the second he sees Taemin and calls them the Bobbsey Twins.

Taemin himself laughs when Jonghyun makes Kibum stand from behind the conference table and he sees that they are wearing similar tops. Taemin secretly thanks fate for breaking the ice for them. He had been quick to say yes when Jonghyun called him about the duet. It was something so out of the blue that it should have startled him—it did—but the thought of working with Kibum, of being in close quarters with him for several hours for days was simply overwhelming.

But when day one of the duet project came, Taemin’s nerves tortured him the same way they did when he went on stage for his very first concert. He even bought a new sweater online a few days before. Taemin always gravitates towards stripes, but since it was a special occasion for him, he decided to ditch the usual black and white. He picked yellow since he clearly remembers Kibum telling him that if they were in an idol group, he’d assign the color yellow to Taemin because his smile is like sunshine and he simply looks good in yellow because of his fair skin. Taemin never knew that his wardrobe choice would save him from an awkward initial encounter with Kibum.

Another thing Taemin didn’t expect is his heart beating with joy upon hearing Kibum’s laugh. It just felt really good to hear that laugh again. And just like that, it feels like Sirius Tour all over again, with Taemin feeling the excitement of working with Kibum like a kid in a queue at the entrance of an amusement park.

\--

Taemin is pretty good with memorizing lyrics. It takes him an hour tops to learn the words along with the melody, so the rest of his time during pre-recording is spent on practicing and improvising until even his adlibs are perfected.

But this time Taemin is stalling, and not deliberately so. He hopes Jonghyun and the project team will assume that it’s because it’s actually his first time to record a duet. The truth is that—more than the jitters he feels from working with Kibum again—the song holds something deeper for them. Taemin could not forget what Jonghyun told him after he agreed to do the duet…

“Taemin, I think you should know that this is actually Kibum’s idea. But before you make any conclusions, I want to tell you what he told me, even if it’s supposed to be a secret. He wants to do it for closure.”

_Closure_. Taemin knows what it means, but what does it mean in this particular situation? Is this Kibum’s way of tying up loose ends before starting anew? And if so, is it because he’s starting a new chapter with someone? Taemin cannot help the acrid taste that fills his mouth.

Taemin recalls his last night with Kibum… chancing upon him in the hotel balcony, penning a song with words like “fight for you, for us… for the rest of my life”. The memories of that night is usually an instant shot of euphoria for Taemin— all the loving glances, body fluids, and sweet words they exchanged. Watching the sunrise in each other’s clutches because in spite of their promises of love, their hopeful sentiments seemed to have faded with the darkness and the sun came shining on them with uncertainty. And yet, he and Kibum parted ways at the airport with courageous smiles.

Despite what went down after, also known as unwilled separation, Taemin is holding on to the fact that they never actually said goodbye to each other. So in his heart of hearts, Taemin is still waiting. For what? He doesn’t really know, save for the image of him and Kibum looking into each other’s eyes, foreheads attached, and with smiles big enough to conquer the world.

But this… this _closure_ … does this mean it is really the end?

When the keyboardist enters the room with Jonghyun, Taemin tells his heart to fuck off. He has a task at hand, an important one, as this will go straight to his impressive discography. Taemin is a professional so all he needs to do now is forget that Kibum’s purpose for this is closure and focus on the work aspect of it.

\--

Kibum suddenly wonders if this was a bad idea.

Yes, their first encounter was light and funny, until they had to properly greet each other. Both extended an arm, unsure if what the other is initiating is a hug or a handshake, so they end up reaching out their hands then withdrawing in hesitation, and the final result was an awkward wave at each other.

And now that they are rehearsing their parts, Kibum is one hundred percent sure that Taemin is avoiding looking at him. Kibum feels regretful but it is too late to back out so he will just have to suck it up.

The opening chords play… Kibum sings the first two stanzas with confidence. Then Taemin sings the first chorus with his eyes closed.

_apeun geon nappuniya  
gwaenchana boigetjiman  
naneun shwipji ana  
nae mameun jangshigi anya_

Kibum is enchanted by the low, airy way Taemin sang his part… so much so that he was still staring at Taemin when his supposed part comes up. Taemin opens his eyes and Jonghyun taps the keyboardist’s shoulder to stop playing. Coming to his senses, Kibum clears his throat and mutters an apology. They start again.

Jonghyun coaches them as they go along, singing backup as well. Kibum can admit that he and Taemin actually sound good together. He sees the way Jonghyun smiles approvingly when Taemin introduces a second voice in some of Kibum’s parts and when Kibum does a soft falsetto to blend with Taemin’s harmony. Taemin seems to have lost himself in the song too, closing his eyes often and singing some of his parts with greater emphasis and power.

But then Kibum gets to the part “My young love, goodbye… I’m letting you go now… _annyeong_ (goodbye) _annyeong_ (goodbye) _annyeong_ (goodbye)… Though my hearts aches” and his voice cracks. And worse, his tears fall.

“Let’s take a short break,” Jonghyun announces and approaches Kibum to escort him outside of the studio.

Taemin freezes at the sight of Kibum’s tears. When Kibum and Jonghyun leave the room, he remains in his seat, trying to process what just happened.

Some of the dancers Taemin works with happen to pass by and they see him from the door that has been left ajar. They casually call Taemin’s name to ask if he wanted to join them for coffee. Grateful for the distraction, Taemin gets up to go with them.

\--

The distraction Taemin felt he needed results to something else entirely. The candid conversation among the dancers strays to the topic of juicy gossips, and when Kibum’s name is mentioned, Taemin wants to bail that very second or shut down the subject, but something inside of him wants to hear about it. So he stays, anticipating the unpleasant twist in his gut similar to putting on a gory film which he knows he’ll regret watching when he struggles to get some sleep at an ungodly hour.

“Well, the rumors about him and Choi Minho never die. And they don’t seem to mind that people actually see them together all the time. They seriously believe that Minho’s pronouncements of settling down with his future wife and kids are enough to keep them off the rumor mill.”

“That is such a tragic setup for Kibum, though. Imagine seeing someone whom you know you’ll eventually lose to the conventional life he had pictured for himself.”

“Kibum’s an artist. It’s like second nature for them to be in torturous romances.”

“Who knows if he prefers it that way? At least he’s free to see other people casually. I was shocked when I saw him leave the UMJ head’s party with Hiro… they were making out as they stepped inside the elevator.”

Taemin remembers telling Jonghyun his theories about Kibum the night they went drinking. The things he said weren’t summoned by his soju-buzzed brain; those thoughts of Kibum sleeping with other men have actually been tormenting Taemin for many days. And now that he got confirmation that those weren’t silly, far-fetched ideas of a scorned “ex-lover”, he doesn’t feel triumphant or get any sick satisfaction that comes from being right. It just plain hurts.

\--

To Jonghyun’s surprise, both Kibum and Taemin seem to be eager to finish the recording as quickly as possible. They sounded confident when they said that they could record the song in just one day after a couple of days of practice. 

For Taemin, he just wanted the pain to stop. Seeing Kibum up-close ( _how beautiful he is_ ) is only doing more for his already vivid imagination. Taemin would like to preserve the memories of how he ravished the beauty in front of him rather than being tortured by images of Kibum being fucked by others. Taemin is also bothered that there are certain passages in the song that are alluding to Kibum as the only one who’s hurting in the aftermath of whatever they had— “I’m the only one who’s hurting… My heart isn’t just decoration”. He bitterly recalls Kibum being the first one to decide to end things when he met with SM’s executives. Sure, Taemin understood his reasons, but still… it was Kibum who let him go first.

As for Kibum, he is utterly disappointed by how Taemin seems to be so withdrawn from him. Kibum feels like Taemin cannot wait to be rid of him. He wants to bang his head on a wall for ever romanticizing recording this song as a means of closure. How Kibum wishes he just contented himself with their cliffhanger ending. It was less foolish—actually, it even makes sense—to entertain romantic notions and sustain the sentimentality warranted by abruptly losing someone whom you’re not even sure was ever yours.

But as always, the show must go on, and as professionals and very talented singers, Kibum and Taemin manage to record the song flawlessly. Jonghyun isn’t certain what their actual thoughts and feelings are at the moment, but he is thankful for how it became a force in making them sing the song with the right kind of emotion it needs— subdued yet intense, controlled but with moments of letting loose. Even their adlibs came out brilliantly (Jonghyun doesn’t miss the way Taemin utters a breathless “baby” towards the end of the song while looking at Kibum). The end result is an intense love song laced with loss and longing… just as how they all wanted it to be. Jonghyun would feel totally happy if it weren’t for the part of him that is Kibum and Taemin’s friend; the part that felt their pain when they sang the song.

The recording had been a success but the general atmosphere bounces from tense to sad, mainly due to Kibum and Taemin’s demeanor. Unwilling to wrap an otherwise fruitful endeavor on such a sour note, Jonghyun offers to take everyone in the project team out to dinner at the five-star hotel beside SM Town. 

Kibum wanted to respectfully decline the offer but immediately thought of how supportive Jonghyun was when he called to ask for a huge favor. Taemin, on the other hand, has changed his mind about wanting to get Kibum out of his sight immediately. He reminds himself that this is perhaps the last time he will be working with Kibum or have the opportunity to be in his presence longer than merely bumping into each other at SM.

Taemin can admit to himself that no one can heat the blood in his veins the way Kibum does, so he will grab this last chance to gawk at Kibum at a close range and allow the sight of that skin, eyebrow scar, lips, dimples, and long fingers awaken the senses that have been dulled by his broken heart.

\-- 

Their dinner at Intercontinental Seoul Parnas, which is right beside SM COEX, easily becomes a pleasant affair. Everyone is enjoying the excellent food at the hotel’s Japanese restaurant, Hakone, and the friendly conversations about stuff outside work.

Jonghyun picked the western style private room because the tatami room seems too relaxed for the rigid air between Kibum and Taemin. Currently, they are seated across each other, but with the dinner table being bigger than usual because they are a relatively big group, neither of them is willing to speak above normal volume just to converse with each other. They just chat with the ones who are seated directly next to them.

Nevertheless, Taemin makes sure that every time Kibum looks in his direction, he is opening his mouth as wide as he can to shove in a too big morsel of his Hanwoo beef ribeye before licking the teriyaki sauce off his thick lips. He knows that Kibum is crazy about his lips. There was an incident in the past, when they were in bed together, wherein Kibum told Taemin that staring at his lips feels like foreplay to him.

To up his game, Taemin undoes the first four buttons of the black dress shirt he’s wearing with tattered jeans and tugs the two sides apart for a good amount of skin to be supplied to Kibum’s line of sight. He isn’t exactly the type to seduce. What comes naturally for Taemin is to lure his audience during performances, but his Mr. Sexuality persona stays on stage. When off-duty as an artist, Taemin is more the playful and dorky goofball around his friends and a bit quiet and reserved when in a large group.

But there’s something about this current situation with Kibum that makes him want to crawl out of himself. There is a fire of lust and anger that he wants extinguished so he can live his life with less angst. And it is for this reason that Taemin suggests that they all hit the hotel bar after dinner. If he’s going to make it his mission tonight to seduce Kibum, Taemin will definitely need alcohol.

\--

Fortunately for Taemin, the hotel’s Lobby Lounge & Bar closes at 1am. That means the drinking and pleasantries will only take a few hours and afterwards, he can invite Kibum to take the party somewhere else. Just the two of them. Since Kibum is now open to one-night stands, why shouldn’t he add himself to the list of lucky bastards? He and Kibum may have slept together in the past but it already feels like ages ago, so maybe the time lapse qualifies Taemin as a conquest for Kibum.

Their group number dwindles as the night progresses, and by the time the waiter takes their last order at midnight, it is just Taemin, Kibum, their sound technician, and the sound engineer at the table. It is another stroke of luck for Taemin that Jonghyun had to be up early the next day for his scheduled video call with Jinki. If Jjong had stayed, he’d quickly figure out what Taemin is trying to do and put a stop to it.

Perhaps this is really meant to happen tonight. _Tonight is the night._

\--

The other two men in their company, the sound engineers, look like they are dead set on drinking until the establishment’s staff literally kicks them out. Kibum begins to wonder why he or Taemin hasn’t left yet. He cannot account for Taemin’s thoughts, so even if he cannot answer for himself too, he makes a gesture of gathering his phone and wallet and stuffing these inside his handbag.

Kibum suspects that his non-existent urge to leave has everything to do with Taemin, who’s actually beside him… in the flesh and not a feeble imagination of his. Taemin whom he pines for all day, all night. This thought suddenly overwhelms Kibum, so he decides to distract himself. 

When Kibum excuses himself to go to the washroom, Taemin waits a total of five minutes before following him inside. When he gets there, Kibum is washing his hands in the sink.

Taemin walks up to him very slowly and presses his body against Kibum, wrapping his arms around Kibum and bringing their hands together as if Kibum needs help in rinsing his own hands.

Kibum isn’t really surprised at this bold move because Taemin had purposefully sat beside him when they moved from the restaurant to the lounge bar. And even if Taemin had been addressing the whole group whenever he talks instead of initiating a one-on-one conversation with Kibum, he pats Kibum’s knee whenever he stresses a point. And as the drinks poured in, the knee pats graduated to thigh massages.

Nevertheless, this is Taemin... the object of his undying affection and searing, long-unfulfilled desire. So in spite of the under-the-table touches and sultry glances, Kibum gasps when Taemin slots his now-prominent bulge between Kibum’s buttocks that are flimsily covered by his nylon jogging pants. Taemin starts mashing their hands together… the frothy liquid soap making it easy for fingers and palms to glide and slide against each other.

Amidst the pleasure of feeling Taemin fondle his hands and grind against his ass, Kibum wonders if this will end up with him getting fucked inside a toilet stall. He already knows that a ten-minute standing intercourse is going to result to a longtime suffering from shame. But oh Kibum welcomes it. All those nights he cried out Taemin’s name as he orgasmed with the aid of his right hand… He would be a total idiot to let this opportunity slide. But if Taemin stops any moment now and doesn’t pursue actual sex, Kibum won’t have it in him to initiate or propose it. So he looks at the mirror at Taemin, eager to see if his face bares the answers.

As soon as their eyes lock via the mirror, Taemin presses his lips under Kibum’s ear and then he finally speaks.

“We recorded your song. I’ve given you the closure you wanted. Now you have to give me mine. I have my own idea on how I want to wrap up _you and I_.”


	33. 33 SHADOW

33 SHADOW

“We recorded your song. I’ve given you the closure you wanted. Now you have to give me mine. I have my own idea on how I want to wrap up _you and I_.”

Kibum pretends not to have guessed what manner of closure Taemin seeks, for he is tired of things staying unspoken between them. If Taemin wants something from him, he has to be forthright with Kibum and just say it.

At Kibum’s lack of response, Taemin catches his hyung’s earlobe between his teeth and pulls it down. Kibum gasps again. Taemin knows this is his last chance to back out and make this encounter appear as just flirting gone too far. But the dark cloud of thought that Kibum is ending _them_ looms over and angers Taemin, strengthening his resolve to get whatever he can from Kibum tonight.

“I’m going out right now to get a room, hyung. Wait for me outside the elevators going to the suites.”

\--

Inside the elevator, Taemin wonders if Kibum remembers how he chased away the horrific images in Taemin’s head of being sexually assaulted in the hotel elevator in Dubai. Kibum had been a hero, an anchor, and a healer for him. It suddenly hurts Taemin to think that everything that transpired in that fateful tour seems like a dream now, and Kibum isn’t just locking up all those memories inside a chest but throwing the chest in the middle of an ocean, along with the key. Angered, Taemin pushes sentimentality out of his system and lays a hand on the small of Kibum’s back. It is a light touch but it sends bolts of electricity to his nerves. Taemin doesn’t know if he only imagined Kibum shuddering at the touch.

_They were making out as they stepped inside the elevator_ … 

Taemin remembers clearly what his backup dancer Yoon said, and worse, he also remembers Hiro’s face. Taemin knows he isn’t the last man Kibum will be sleeping with, but god he wants to erase every trace of Hiro in the memory of Kibum’s body.

He slams Kibum on the elevator wall and ravishes the bow-shaped lips he had missed tasting. Kibum is quick to respond but Taemin feels his hyung’s breath hitch when he thrusts his entire tongue inside Kibum’s mouth.

Taemin digs his hands into the backside waistband of both Kibum’s sweats and briefs and grips his ass. The sudden and direct contact of Taemin’s hands with his bare butt jolts Kibum to the realization that this is way too much for a brief elevator foreplay.

“Taem, please. Control yourself.”

Taemin releases Kibum but says nothing. He turns around the second he realizes he is glaring at Kibum. He wonders if Kibum also exercised restraint when he was in the elevator with Hiro, and this thought irritates him beyond words.

\--

Somewhere inside Kibum, he feels that something is off about Taemin tonight. So even if it’s Taemin whom he has felt the most intense feelings for, it feels like he is following a stranger to a hotel room.

Kibum knows they are going to have sex, but he doesn’t know what to expect from it or how exactly they will go about it. Each of their previous intimate encounters had been unique… not to mention that they actually switched. This time, since it was Taemin who initiated whatever dance this is they’re doing, Kibum is going to let him lead.

Though Kibum would’ve wanted their moment of undressing to be more sensual and unhurried, like an almost striptease, the sight of Taemin completely naked cannot possibly elicit complaint from Kibum. Besides, it happened in a flash— Taemin sheds his shirt, jeans, and boxers the second he closed the door behind him, as if his clothes caught fire.

Kibum takes in the breathtaking expanse of smooth skin and dance-toned muscles, but his visual enjoyment is cut short when Taemin pushes him onto the bed and practically rips his clothes off him. And when all his skin becomes visible to Taemin, the latter attacks Kibum with wet lips, tongue, and teeth. This is the roughest Taemin had ever been with him, but it doesn’t stop Kibum from getting so aroused to the point that his cock is twitching and leaking continuously. This doesn’t go unnoticed, so Taemin wastes no time in jerking him off and sucking him in turns. Despite the indescribable pleasure he feels, Kibum is taken aback by Taemin’s brashness. Again, Kibum starts wishing they could take things a little slower, but he is powerless against Taemin’s mouth and hand that seem to be competing in a race, and in a few simultaneous sucks and strokes, Kibum is coming inside Taemin’s spacious mouth.

\--

Taemin pulls himself off the bed, feeling extremely thirsty, but he is instantly distracted by the glorious sight of Kibum naked and panting in bed, with his legs still spread and his cock spent and wet with Taemin’s saliva. Taemin feels happiness bubbling inside him, but it only lasts for a few seconds because he suddenly realizes that this view has been enjoyed by others. _Why is it so easy to traverse from love to hatred?_ Never in a million years did Taemin think that he will feel anything close to hatred for Kibum. He is actually unsure if the hatred he feels is towards Kibum or the circumstances that led his hyung to sleep with other men. Nevertheless, the fact remains that Kibum went to bed with them, and that is something that Taemin absolutely detests. 

Taemin walks over to the mini-bar and pulls out a small bottle of vodka. He chugs his drink, hoping to quell the disappointment of having so many feelings at the moment. They haven’t even fucked and yet Taemin is already grappling with various emotions. He needs more alcohol. He needs to make this more about just sex than anything else. He needs to stop feeling.

\--

Kibum kicks the bed cover down and pulls it over himself to reduce his nakedness in front of Taemin. His heart is still racing from the intense orgasm he had after being blown by Taemin and from generally feeling unnerved about the idea of spending the night with his former lover.

Taemin empties the small bottle of Absolut and grabs another one from the bar fridge. Kibum cannot decide if he should feel insulted that Taemin needs more alcohol in his system before fucking him. He quickly realizes that it is sadness he feels. Taemin was chatty at the lounge bar, but now he is so quiet that Kibum is tempted to grab the remote control and turn the TV on just to kill the deafening silence inside the room. Kibum has no idea what’s going on inside Taemin’s head, but he cannot stand being alone in bed anymore so he stretches out one hand to Taemin’s direction.

“Come here.”

When Taemin finally joins him in bed, Kibum breathes a sigh of relief. It is apparent that Taemin’s mind is currently a battlefield and Kibum doesn’t really know what’s running inside his head. Nevertheless, Kibum wishes that tonight would somehow be a repeat of their last night together… when they were both unsure of the aftermath but what mattered most is the urgency of the moment— to bask in each other.

Kibum misses Taemin’s soft moans and this becomes his motivation to use every trick in the book as he blows the latter. He starts sucking Taemin’s cock slowly, using his lips to trap the head in his mouth each time he pulls away a bit. Kibum allows his mouth to salivate generously so his long fingers can glide easily as he strokes Taemin’s shaft up and down.

“Fuck, Kibum… your mouth… ah, shit shit shit.”

Kibum realizes that the next best thing to hearing Taemin’s moans is hearing him being uncharacteristically potty-mouthed, so he goes for a deep-throat sucking that earns him a quite painful but utterly pleasurable hair-pulling from Taemin. More curses follow until an almost scream signals the release of hot cum inside Kibum’s mouth.

Kibum smirks and delicately wipes off cum from the corners of his lips with the tips of his fingers. Taemin loves the length and slenderness of Kibum’s fingers… so when Kibum pushes his fingers inside his mouth to lap at the leftover cum, Taemin feels his deflated cock coming back to life.

Taemin sits up and moves back until he’s leaning on the cushioned headboard of the bed and gestures for Kibum to come closer. Kibum crawls towards Taemin and straddles him as they kiss messily. Taemin massages Kibum’s ass, spreading the cheeks while thrusting his tongue inside Kibum’s mouth, seemingly simulating penetration to drive Kibum crazy.

Kibum splays his fingers over Taemin’s chest, brushing his nipples as he caresses Taemin’s elegantly defined pecs. When Kibum feels the nubs harden to his touch, he plays with Taemin’s nipples by thumbing, twisting, pinching, and pulling. Another barrage of curses leaves Taemin’s lips and this convinces Kibum that it is time to get down to business.

It’s been a long time since that night in L.A. with Taemin… the last time Kibum had sex, so he is wishing for a thoughtful and thorough preparation as he moves from Taemin’s lap to lie on the bed.

Kibum spreads his legs for Taemin but the way the latter weaves his eyebrows together tells Kibum that Taemin has something else planned.

“N-no, I’ll… and you’ll--“

Taemin looks like he is struggling with articulation, so Kibum flashes him a questioning look.

Taemin clears his throat and tries again.

“Do you have anything in your bag that we can use? I have dance practice in the evening so I can’t afford to be sore.”

_Oh. So he wants to bottom._

Kibum is surprised but definitely not disappointed. He had anticipated being fucked by Taemin but if the boy wants it the other way around, then Kibum would be more than glad to comply. The memory of being inside Taemin is still fresh and remembering how it felt makes it difficult for Kibum to keep himself from actually shuddering.

In his excitement, Kibum merely nods and gets up quickly to rummage through his bag on the couch.

While looking for a particular item, Kibum is suddenly hit by unsavory thoughts, which are related to Taemin’s somewhat odd behavior—

Taemin must be dating Haru or about to pursue her for real so he either misses being fucked in the ass or wants to be fucked by a man one last time before entering into a relationship with her. Or Taemin could be testing himself before committing to Haru, needing confirmation that his past with Kibum hasn’t turned him completely gay and this could be just a means to satisfy his sexual appetite.

These are painful theories, but Kibum knows there is no sense fighting his desire because there is no way he can talk himself out of being intimate with Taemin this moment… especially that it would be the last.

\-- 

When Kibum lies on his back and spreads his legs, Taemin is momentarily gripped by the urge to slam his cock inside his hyung’s hole and pound the memories of other lovers out of him and into oblivion. Nevertheless, the irrational jealousy which cannot seem to leave him tonight has made him decide that he will be on the receiving end of whatever kind of fucking takes place between him and Kibum.

Taemin thinks that Kibum is a magnet for tops who’d rather forego intercourse than bottom for anyone, and if all the sex Kibum has been getting lately is about his arse taking a pounding, then Taemin will give Kibum’s cock a workout this time. Taemin wants this to be different, special. He always has to be special in Kibum’s eyes. And Taemin is somehow confident that taking Kibum’s cock inside his tight, almost-virgin hole will be mind-blowing for Kibum.

“Do you have anything in your bag that we can use? I have dance practice in the evening so I can’t afford to be sore.”

Kibum making a beeline for the couch where his bag is further fuels Taemin’s anger. _So he is equipped and prepared for a hookup._

What Taemin doesn’t know is that the small tub of petroleum jelly that Kibum brandishes is nothing more than a moisturizer for his hyung’s lips. Kibum usually ditches regular lip balm during winter because it does very little help in preventing his lips from chapping.

Taemin rips the tub off Kibum’s hand the minute it is within reach and pulls Kibum towards the bed. He straddles Kibum and bends down to suck furiously around Kibum’s neck, stopping only at each spot when he is sure that a hickey is forming. Taemin repeats the action all over Kibum’s chest until the skin on his hyung’s neck and torso appears like a canvas with splatter art. 

Still unsatisfied, Taemin moves back to position himself between Kibum’s legs which he starts spreading apart. He runs his tongue in a long line over one inner thigh, smirking when his face comes close to a fully erect Kibum. Holding Kibum’s thighs to stay spread, Taemin starts biting and sucking at the milky patch of skin to leave glaring red marks all over it and on the other thigh as well.

Taemin is on a mission to mark Kibum. He wants his hyung to look lewdly ravaged in the eyes of his lover/s. And when he pulls away after leaving a love bite on the skin on Kibum’s hipbone, Taemin lets his eyes wander all around Kibum’s body, admiring his dirty work. If only cum could stain the skin, Taemin would cum all over Kibum round after round until he’s certain his hyung would be too embarrassed to strip in front of anyone.

\--

Taemin’s unusual roughness is somewhat disconcerting for Kibum, but he is too damn horny to worry about it for more than a second at a time. His former lover’s ministrations may be surprising, but it is still Taemin and there’s nowhere Kibum would rather be at the moment than in bed with Taemin. So he ignores the dangerous glares and convinces himself that it is pure want that makes Taemin look at him that way.

Kibum pulls Taemin towards him and flips them over so he can lay Taemin down on the mattress and prepare him. He uncaps the tub and scoops out petroleum jelly which he lathers around his fingers. He buries one finger inside Taemin and feels around the inner walls, watching intently how Taemin’s mouth drops open with this kind of penetration. Kibum inserts another finger and starts thrusting in and out of Taemin’s hole. Soon, Kibum is finger-fucking Taemin with three fingers, all traces of pain gone from the latter’s face. Kibum is certain he has poked the sensitive spot when Taemin lets out a loud moan.

“Are you ready, Taem?”

It takes Taemin more than a few seconds to reply as he seems hypnotized by the sight of Kibum stroking himself with his free hand to lubricate his entire cock.

“Ye-yes. Just fuck me now, please.”

Kibum holds onto his shaft as he pushes the head inside Taemin’s hole. He fucks Taemin with just the head of his cock a few times to help expand the hole and to tease Taemin, who is so eager to take Kibum inside him that he is rutting upwards.

Taemin wraps his legs around Kibum’s hips and uses his heels to force a rough thrust of Kibum’s dick deep inside him. They gasp in unison at the sudden action.

“Taem, does it hurt?”

What Taemin just did sent Kibum the message that his former lover wants the actual fucking to commence. Nevertheless, Kibum doesn’t want to cause Taemin more pain than is expected.

“Y-yes, but keep going. I want it hard. The hardest you can do.”

Kibum’s dick twitches at the request. He then decides that the best way to go about this is to do it the way Taemin wants it.

Kibum uses his hands to push Taemin’s knees up and spread them apart as wide as possible. The sight of Taemin spread, panting, and looking so horny for him is such a turn on for Kibum that he wishes he doesn’t cum too soon.

Kibum fucks Taemin hard and fast, pausing only to sensually rotate his hips as a means to delay his impending orgasm. Taemin is the most vocal he has ever been as he grinds against Kibum instead of just being fucked on the mattress.

“Fuck, Taemin, you feel so good! I missed this.”

Kibum drops on his elbows and hovers his face over Taemin’s as he continues ramming into him.

“You’re really so beautiful, Taem. I missed--" Kibum is forced to stop when Taemin pushes him away a little. It was a gentle push but still felt brutal because they were in the middle of fucking and Kibum has fallen into a trance because of pleasure and of Taemin’s beauty.

“Sorry, hyung, I just— I want to turn around. Just… take me from behind.”

Kibum gasps when his cock is suddenly dislodged as Taemin rolls on his tummy and pushes himself up until he is positioned on all fours.

\--

Kibum never thought that their last recording day would end with him staring at Taemin’s ass and pinkish hole. Despite his shock at Taemin’s sudden submissiveness tonight, Kibum couldn’t help grabbing the treat laid out before him.

Kibum grips Taemin’s slim waist as he buries his still very wet and erect cock inside Taemin again. Taemin lowers his torso on the mattress but pushes his ass further up to take in more of Kibum if it were even possible.

They get into a fast-paced fucking, moaning each other’s names and catching every breath they lose with each thrust. Kibum would’ve wanted to stare at Taemin’s beautiful face as he fucks him, but he is unaware that Taemin has deliberately made them change positions so he can hide from Kibum… afraid that his face will betray him and show Kibum how much this blissful intimacy affects him beyond the physical. Taemin would rather keep this dirty. Or at least make it appear that way to Kibum.

Taemin suspects that Kibum has only ever topped with him, and in that regard, it is Kibum’s first time to fuck someone in the ass doggy style. This thought satisfies Taemin’s need to be special in the sex department as far as Kibum is concerned. So feeling safe with his face concealed, Taemin pushes his ass against Kibum whose thrusting pace had become rapid.

The sound of their skin slapping is soon drowned in their moans as they cum hard.

Though Taemin cannot tell for sure that it was the best sex Kibum has ever had, he is certain that it is the wildest sex they’ve had together.

As for Kibum, his earlier wish that this would somehow be like a repeat of their last time doesn’t come true. The sex was great, god, Kibum even thought at one point his eyeballs would roll out of socket while he was ramming into Taemin, who was equally ferocious in slamming his ass against Kibum. But painful as it is to admit, it felt wrong.

There was that brief period between orgasm and the recovery from it wherein Kibum wished that Taemin would look at him. But his former lover had his face buried on the pillow the whole time. And as soon as Kibum pulled out of him, Taemin staggered out of bed and into the bathroom, not even sparing him a glance.

Thankfully, the physical exhaustion that resulted from his lack of sleep, the daylong recording, the little dinner party, the drinking, and the intense fucking causes him to just crash on the mattress. And even if Kibum feels a thorn in his heart, sleep washes over him like a tidal wave.

\--

The sun is glaring at Kibum from the giant glass window of the room in Intercontinental Parnas when he wakes up. He is definitely having a headache but it pales in comparison to the heartache Kibum feels when he realizes that Taemin has left him in the hotel room after they fucked. That must have been the only thing Taemin was after and that was all that transpired hours ago for him. Even if it had been so much more for Kibum.

Kibum bitterly scoffs at the thought that he is reenacting Christmas morning wherein he woke up feeling like the most pathetic person on the planet. The only difference is that it is not his own cum that has dried on his hand but Taemin’s… because Kibum actually had sex with him and not imagined it while jerking off. It should bring a sense of triumph, but if Kibum were to be honest, he feels more like a loser now than on that morning not too long ago.

_I’m the only one who’s hurting… My heart isn’t just decoration_

The line of the song plays in his head. How foolish Kibum had been to pursue this kind of closure. It only compelled Taemin to come up with his own version of closure.

Kibum doesn’t know which is more painful— the fact that Taemin fucked him, no, used him like a whore, or the finality of it all. It was closure, after all. _So it has really come to a close._

With trembling hands, Kibum grabs his phone and presses the button for speed dial.

“Hi. I hope it isn’t a bad time… No, I’m not crying... Okay, I am, but just… Can you please pick me up? I feel sick and really weak. I’m at Intercon beside SM. Ring me when you arrive at the lobby.”

\--

Taemin used to believe that nothing can make one feel more sick than a really bad hangover. But in his current state he believes his hangover is a mere splinter compared to the pain of being gutted with something as sharp as remorse.

He had been bold enough to lure Kibum to bed after blatantly telling him that he seeks closure too. So why on earth did he have to abandon Kibum in their hotel room? Is he really that angry with his ex-lover? But even then, it isn’t like him to be vengeful. Taemin tries to console himself by passing on the guilt to the stranger whom he briefly became. It doesn’t work. Taemin’s stomach churns as he visualizes Kibum waking up alone and naked in bed like he had fallen prey to a heartless sleazebag.

Taemin closes his eyes and groans… but opens them right away when the smell of freshly steamed jasmine rice fills his nostrils. He realizes he’s at the hotel lounge where the breakfast buffet is ready for the guests. He hasn’t really left the place! He can go back to their room and pretend that he just checked out the buffet spread for him and Kibum.

Taemin is about to exit the banquet hall when he sees the towering figure of Choi Minho rush past him to go to the lifts. He follows the man with his eyes and regrets it immediately when he sees Minho open his arms to Kibum, who practically runs into it. Minho holds him for a while, obviously consoling Kibum whose frame appears to be shaky. Then Minho pulls away for a second to remove his jacket and throws it on Kibum, thoughtfully pulling the hood over the latter’s head to protect his identity. Minho grabs the dark sunglasses hanging on the collar of his shirt and puts it on to avoid being recognized too. He walks Kibum out of the building with a muscled arm around the latter’s shoulder, looking like the perfectly-built handsome hero that he is. Meanwhile, Taemin is feeling like shit… he can’t even pass himself off as a villain because of the cowardice he just exemplified.

Taemin thinks Kibum must have felt guilty for sleeping with him so he had to confess his indiscretion to Minho right away. Because he is that good a person, and Taemin knows that for a fact. Moreover, Taemin is almost a hundred percent sure that Minho will forgive Kibum because he is a good person too, which makes him Mr. Perfect. They deserve each other. _And I deserve to rot_ , Taemin mutters. 

It hurts Taemin but he follows them for a bit. He is jealous yet unready to part with Kibum, which is ironic because he had been the one to bail.

Taemin feels like Erik—The Phantom of the Opera ( _Kibum’s favorite musical_ )—who’s hiding in the shadows, watching the person he loves with that person’s true love. He can almost hear Minho’s deep yet soft voice singing Raoul’s part:

_I’m here, nothing can harm you_

_My words will warm and calm you_

_Let me be your shelter, let me be your light_

_You’re safe, no one will find you_

_Your fears are far behind you_

Taemin’s heart twists in his chest. When did this beautiful thing, this love he has for Kibum, turn into black smoke that is now choking him like toxic fumes?

Like the phantom emerging from behind the statue, Taemin steps out from the corner where he’s hiding as he sees Kibum and Minho exit through the revolving door and get inside a white van.

He and Kibum have gotten their closure. Taemin knows he must move on and leave Kibum alone. If it’s any consolation, his cruel final act could strengthen what Kibum and Minho have. This is his cue to exit once and for all. Even the Phantom, who nursed a black obsessive love for Christine, made the ultimate sacrifice in the end and chose to let go. 

Taemin can do that. He loves Kibum. He can bravely admit it to himself now, now that they’ve made their wordless farewells. Still, he hears a small voice from within… it is not his part to sing, but Taemin’s Phantom wants to deliver a message to Kibum— _Love me, that’s all I ask of you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you seen Criminal MV? It's too awesome for words! And so are the songs in Never Gonna Dance Again: Act 1.  
> Let's support our superstar's comeback. He deserves all the love & support we can give him. <3


	34. 34 I’M SO COLD AND I KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO GET BACK TO YOU

**34 I’M SO COLD AND I KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO GET BACK TO YOU**

_(last chapter)_

“Still I say, there’s a way for us.”

 _\- On My Own_ (Les Misérables)

They have not known each other for a very long time but Minho feels like the entirety of his friendship with Kibum has seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. And what is unfolding before Minho’s eyes right now is definitely ugly.

Since Minho met Kibum, there’s always been a tinge of sadness in the latter’s eyes, and Minho believes it isn’t just noticeable to many because it is overshadowed by Kibum’s glamorous appearance. Kibum has that quality about him; he can look ravishing even in a tracksuit or regular pajamas.

So even without knowing what happened, Minho was filled with sympathy when he saw Kibum rushing towards him earlier. Kibum was in his usual practice clothes that are casual but looks especially stylish on him, only this time he looked utterly wrecked. Minho then realized that it is Kibum’s bearing that makes him look stunning all the time. And only inner turmoil could be responsible for the pitiful-looking Kibum that ran to him and almost collapsed on the marble floor had Minho not caught him in his arms.

“He was gone when I woke up,” Kibum struggled to say between sniffles.

Minho wants to hate Taemin. He’s stifling the compulsion to punch jerks that hurt the people he cares about. However, Minho spotted Taemin when he was escorting Kibum out of the hotel and realized that the boy didn’t really leave. He was lingering and probably processing his emotions because Taemin looked muddleheaded. Taemin wasn’t aware that Minho was stealing glances at him from behind his dark sunglasses.

How many times did Minho have to deal with a drunken Kibum, who screams Taemin’s name from the top of the hill where they usually park Minho’s car to relax and drink beer? How many times has he caught a sober Kibum watching Taemin’s music videos, stages, and interviews on YouTube? And there was even one time when Kibum was drunk AND watching Taemin’s videos. When Minho asked him to stop, Kibum laughed sinisterly and said, “Before I started working for SM, I watched Taemin’s videos so I could somehow get to know him. This is me going full circle, isn’t that beautiful? I’m watching these videos to forget him this time!” _The logic of a drunk who’s in love and unable to get over someone._

So, yes, Minho really wants to hate Taemin. But Kibum has only ever said good words about him… that Taemin is the nicest, gentlest soul he knows in spite of being the fiercest stage performer. Minho also got a good look at Taemin when he was leaving the hotel with Kibum, and he is certain that Taemin was definitely crushed. Minho sees Taemin around SM, and every feature on the boy’s face seems to always manifest glee. He has a smiling face even when barely smiling. But in that moment at the hotel, Taemin looked like a different person to Minho. It’s as if the boy aged ten years overnight.

Minho wants to say something about this to Kibum, but the second they got inside the van Kibum begged him not to ask him anything or bring up Taemin.

_You need to know he’s hurting too, Kibum. But I will tell you this another time._

\--

As the van enters the nursing home compound, Kibum silently prays that Heekyung is lucid despite knowing how much of a rare occurrence that is for someone in the advance stage of Alzheimer’s. He is willing to exercise his faith because he needs his mother right now. He needs her to hold him and tell him that he will survive this, just like he did all the disasters he has experienced in his barely thirty years of existence. Nevertheless, Kibum is glad that the cynic in him had acknowledged that it was wishful thinking to walk inside Heekyung’s room and find there the woman she used to be. It made his disappointment less brutal. 

Heekyung’s default position, which is sitting on her bed frozen, doesn’t stop Kibum from throwing his arms around her and sobbing on her shoulder. His mother may only be physically present, but feeling her warmth and smelling her familiar scent draw out the child in Kibum that has no concept of reeling in emotions. 

After a good cry, Kibum feels the exhaustion in his bones so he sits down properly beside Heekyung and leans his back on the headboard. He finds comfort in their clasped hands and in the silence between them.

When Kibum adjusts the pillow to support their lower backs better, he sees a book tucked under it and pulls it out. _Great Expectations_. He is stunned for a moment. _It can’t be that one._ He flips it open and something drops from between the pages. It is the postcard from The Peninsula that Kibum sent from Tokyo.

_Lee Taemin,_

_“Are you up for an English lesson tonight?”_

_Too bad you are miles away._

_Merry Christmas, Superstar!_

_xx_

Kibum absentmindedly browses the book until his mother snatches it from his hands.

“No! Pretty boy book!”

\--

Taemin doesn’t know if Haru’s arrival in Seoul is divine intervention. He is grateful for the distraction but he started having second thoughts about this when Haru dragged him to LG Arts Center for the opening day matinee of _Jesus Christ Superstar_ , of all musicals.

Come to think of it, it is Taemin’s fault that Haru developed a deep interest in musical theater. He talked about musicals non-stop during their rehearsal breaks ( _another proof of his incapacity to move on from his past, or more accurately, from Kibum_ ). Still, the timing of this feels like a sick cosmic joke to Taemin.

Fortunately for him, he has become a true lover of musical theater. So when the curtains part for act one, the excitement kicks in and Taemin sits up straight, as though he isn’t at the front row center of the theater. Beside him, Haru is elated that her date is finally showing signs of life, for she has been wondering about Taemin’s downcast demeanor since he picked her up from the airport.

\--

Kibum arranges the flowers he bought in the mint ceramic vase on his breakfast table. He cannot believe that he wanted to die yesterday morning and yet today he woke up in such a good mood that he headed out to Hongdae to buy his favorite ciabatta bread from Café Bonjur, a to-go cup of aged drip coffee from Philo, and a bunch of pink hydrangeas from Harry’s Flower Market.

When his inner dabbler of a florist is finally satisfied with the arrangement, he sits down and stares at it… or more like right through it, because what Kibum is actually seeing is the face of the receptionist at his mother’s institution during their conversation yesterday.

After finding the book he gave Taemin ( _his first ever gift to him)_ , Kibum rushed to the front desk and inquired about his mother’s recent visitors. Ahn, the receptionist, showed him the visitors log in the desktop computer. In the five weeks that Kibum was in Japan, Taemin visited Heekyung at least twice a week.

_“Lee Taemin came here often. He said you’re in Japan for work so he’ll be checking on Mrs. Kim himself and will be keeping her company…”_

_“We can tell that his visits make her happy. She laughs a lot and she cooperates with us when he’s around. Sometimes Taemin even helps us feed her or administer her medication. He makes her watch videos on his tablet and sometimes he reads to her until she falls asleep…”_

_“His last visit was after Christmas. He gave all the staff presents and told us that he demands a Christmas gift in return… He asked us to promise that we would take good care of Mrs. Kim.”_

The sound of the door buzzer startles Kibum and causes the water pooling at his eyes to drop as heavy beads down his cheeks. He carelessly wipes his tears off and jumps up from his chair to get the door, but in his haste he twists his ankle and lands on the wooden floor with a loud thud.

“Kibum? Are you in there? What was that noise?”

Kibum groans in response to Minho, who happens to be his visitor. Well, not really a visitor since Minho lives two floors down in the same building, which is why he and Kibum often go to SM together when they have similar schedules and why they leave events together ( _making people assume that one goes home with the other_ ).

“You’re decent, right? I’m going inside now.”

Minho punches in the lock code and immediately flings the door open. He rushes to Kibum, who is still on the floor clutching his ankle. He helps Kibum up and supports the latter’s weight with his arms until they are both seated on the couch.

“What happened to you? Wait, were you crying? You were crying even before you fell on the floor, weren’t you?”

“I’m fine, Ming. And before you worry again, I wasn’t crying out of despair.”

“Okay. Then tell me what’s up. You were a wreck yesterday morning.”

“I found out something yesterday. I know I shouldn’t jump to conclusions, but I have a feeling that what I’m feeling is right? It’s… it’s hard to explain. Especially after the stunt he pulled yesterday. I’m going to tell you but you’re not allowed to yell or laugh at me. If you have to pick one, yell at me. Don’t laugh because it isn’t really funny. How to say this? I… I think… Well, you see, Ming, I suspect that--“

“Taemin still loves you.”

“--Tae… wait. Are you making a wild guess or was it obvious that was what I was going to say?”

“No, Kibum. I’m telling you that Taemin loves you.”

\--

It was one riveting scene after another, and Taemin is living in Israel at the time of Christ this very moment. Until that troubling yet tender scene wherein Mary Magdalene is watching the sleeping Jesus. He is suddenly hurled back into his world. The song is too familiar to Taemin. And so are the emotions encapsulated in the verses.

_I don't know how to love him  
What to do, how to move him  
I've been changed, yes really changed  
In these past few days, when I've seen myself _

_I seem like someone else_

  
_I don't know how to take this_   
  


Taemin now understands more why Kibum sang this song for him. Listening to it now feels like every line is a stake being driven into his chest. Kibum has never outright rejected him nor has he ever treated Taemin coldly, much less harshly. He simply stayed on his side of the world in a careful attempt to keep Taemin’s from crumbling.

_Superstar_. Kibum fondly called him this on more than a few occasions. It all makes sense to Taemin now. Just like him, Kibum was caught off guard and he struggled in defining what he felt. Kibum had been afraid but he was never cowardly. He held on but was never covetous. Ultimately, Kibum’s downfall was not knowing what to do with love when he found it because he believed loving Taemin is much bigger and more complex than just loving someone.

_Should I scream and shout?  
Should I speak of love  
Let my feelings out?  
I never thought I'd come to this_

_What's it all about?_

  
_Don't you think it's rather funny  
I should be in this position  
I'm the one who's always been_

_So calm, so cool, no lover's fool  
Running every show  
He scares me so_

_I never thought I'd come to this_

_What's it all about?_

  
_Yet, if he said he loved me  
I'd be lost, I'd be frightened  
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope_

_I'd turn my head, I'd back away  
I wouldn't want to know_

  
_He scares me so_

  
_I want him so_

_I love him so_

“I love him so,” Taemin blurts out, catching the attention of Haru, who shoots him a questioning look but immediately turns her focus back on the stage.

Taemin wants to hug Haru for bringing him here. He looks back at everything that has happened since he and Kibum parted ways, and now Taemin has clarity. He knows what to do… well, no, he doesn’t, but he knows what must happen—

Kibum must see and realize that it isn’t Superstar Lee Taemin that he loves. He is just Taemin… the boy who learned to live off the stage because of him.

\--

Between his discovery of Taemin’s visits to his mother and Minho’s revelation that Taemin didn’t abandon him at the hotel, Kibum cannot decide which is the more viable proof of Taemin’s affection.

It doesn’t really matter, though, because there’s a sparkle in Kibum’s soul which he hasn’t felt in a long time. And tonight, at the New Year’s party Jonghyun organized (which is also in honor of his Jinki’s return), Kibum will talk to Taemin and tell him how he feels. He doesn’t care if Taemin no longer has romantic feelings for him. It’s enough for Kibum to know that Taemin still cares about him. He wants to thank Taemin for the kindness he extended to his mother. Kibum also wants to tell Taemin that he wants to be in his life… as a friend, hyung, or whatever, even pro-bono English tutor and interpreter. He just wants to be around to take care of Taemin because living without the boy has made him feel hollow for such a long time and he’s had enough.

But if Taemin loves him the same way he does, then Kibum will fight for them. For real this time. If he has to speak up for the two of them in front of the management, so be it. Kibum has enough savings now and connections. He can fund his mother’s hospice care and medical expenses. And if SM threatens to destroy Taemin’s career, Kibum can ask Minho for help since he is good friends with the infamous celebrity lawyer, Choi Kang-Seok ( _Minho isn’t known as ‘the hyung collector’ for nothing_ ). Kibum is confident that he and Taemin can afford to pay the man if it gets to that point.

But Kibum still wishes he could reason with the executives. Besides, being an idol made Kibum discover a new talent of his— negotiating. He has never signed a contract on the spot because he often made demands that necessitate revisions. In other words, Kibum manages to get what he wants. He doesn’t know if management is merely factoring in his great sacrifice when he agreed to ditch Taemin. But the important thing now is that both his wit and tongue are sharp enough to use against the manipulative executives.

“Kibum, are you ready?” Minho is back at his doorstep; they are heading off to the New Year’s party together.

“Come in. I’m just waxing my hair.”

“Woah. You really dressed up to get your boy back, didn’t you?”

“Shut up. I already wore this to a fashion event a few months ago. I haven’t worn it again since I got it back from the dry-cleaners.”

Kibum is wearing a plain white top under a brown leather jacket, white trousers with pleats at the front and sides, and white sneakers with brown shoelaces. Minho glances at his own shirt and jeans combo and shrugs.

“I’ll go back to my unit and grab my Balenciaga jacket. Wait for you at the parking slot. I don’t want to look like your errand guy.”

“You think Taemin will like my outfit?”

“Let me think… what were you wearing the last time he was with you? Oh yeah, nothing!”

Minho ducks just in time to miss the tub of hair wax Kibum throws at him.

“I won’t make pasta for you to bring to your girlfriend’s family ever again!”

\--

After the musical, Taemin and Haru head to Kloud at the Mercure Ambassador in Gangnam, the venue personally picked by Jonghyun for the New Year’s-slash-reunion party he’s throwing for Jinki and his closest friends.

Taemin buttons his jacket when they reach the Mercure. He is wearing a black suit with a pattern of white outline stars all over. He knew he was going to see Kibum tonight and he thought it would somehow make a good impression to be in the sponsored outfit he wore to Charm’s runway event last fall. Kibum is good friends with the Charm’s people, so when they called Taemin on the phone and asked him to grace the show in Kibum’s place (since the latter was doing a magazine photoshoot overseas at that time), he immediately said yes. Never mind that fashion shows are as interesting to Taemin as the stock exchange channel on TV. And although he was initially bored out of his wits watching the models catwalk down the runway, Taemin eventually found himself smiling as he recalled what the brand manager told him on the phone…

_It was Kibum who actually suggested that we invite you to represent the music scene in his stead. He said your height is average but your figure is better than most male models’. I think he even used the word ‘perfect’._

Taemin is desperate to compensate for their last encounter and he hopes that his wardrobe choice succeeds as a first step.

Before he opens Kloud’s main door, Haru grabs Taemin’s wrist.

“Taemin, before we go inside, can I ask you a favor?”

Taemin turns to look at Haru, surprised at the look of uncertainty on her face. All this time he has only seen Haru as confident, self-assured, and a woman who knows what she wants. Even in their dance rehearsals, Taemin admires her for always taking the lead even if he was the star of the show. She strikes a perfect balance between calculated and spontaneous, but she is definitely in control and not once has she delivered anything short of perfect.

Something tugs at Taemin’s heart seeing Haru looking like she’s on the verge of losing her bearing.

“Of course, Haru-chan. Anything. What is it?”

“Kiss me.”

\---

Minho glances at Kibum as they walk down the hallway going to the venue. He sees a look on his friend’s face that he has never seen before— Kibum looks hopeful. He nudges Kibum with his elbow, teasing his friend who cannot hide his smile.

“Shut up, Minho.”

“Uh, I didn’t say anything?”

“Just… stop it. Whatever it is you’re doing.”

Minho bites his lower lip in an attempt to prevent himself from laughing at Kibum, who’s behaving like a flustered teenager. Kibum sees this and punches his shoulder. They both end up laughing. Kibum’s laughter is prolonged because of Minho’s funny hyena laugh, and he realizes that he’s drawn to people who laugh funny. Ironically, people often say this about Kibum himself. Fans even circulated a video of a duck on Twitter that sounds exactly like him when he’s laughing.

Minho’s laughter comes to an abrupt stop when he sees two figures by the door— Taemin and Haru. Apparently, the _couple_ didn’t hear them approaching ( _and laughing_ ) because of the loud music blasting from behind the door. Minho turns around and tries to block Kibum’s view with his towering height, but the way his friend is frozen on his spot with his eyes shut tells him that Kibum has already seen the two kissing.

“I just… I just need to use the toilet,” Kibum quietly says before retreating and running back to the main lobby.

Thanks to Minho’s long legs and athleticism, he catches up with Kibum before the latter could go inside the restroom. He pulls Kibum by the arm to face him and grips the latter’s shoulders with his firm hands.

“Kibum, I’m so sorry. I can drive you back to the apartment if you want to go home. I’ll just come back here and tell Jjong you’re feeling under the weather.”

Kibum sighs and surprises Minho with a smile… a weak smile which Kibum hopes communicates sincerity in spite of his sadness.

“No, Ming. I’m not going home. I’m not going to carelessly pass judgment on Taemin like what I’ve been doing all this time. He deserves to be happy with anyone he chooses. It doesn’t change the fact that he cares about me. You know, while I was in Japan, Taemin spent all of his free time at the nursing home to keep my mother company. He did that in secret. So I’m going to stay. I’ve already made up my mind and I’m going to be with Taemin, even just as a friend. I’m going to take care of him, just as I always have before the executives screwed us over. Besides, I actually like Haru. She’s a good match for him.”

“Okay. I’m glad to hear this, Kibum. But why did you run away so fast like you saw a Minotaur?”

“Are you crazy? I’m not a masochist! I’m willing to be a friend to Taemin but I’m not going to torture myself by watching him make out with someone.”

“Oh yeah. Of course. So, shall we? I believe we dressed up for a hell of a party. Well, you more than me. And let’s not forget that Jinki’s back! Back! Back! Back! Back!”

Kibum chuckles at Minho’s silliness. How grateful he is for such a loving, devoted friend. Kibum vows to himself that he will stand by Minho when the time comes for his friend to face the management and announce his engagement to his longtime girlfriend whom they know nothing about. If there’s anyone in Kibum’s book who deserves a peaceful kind of happiness other than Taemin, it’s the fiercely loyal and kind-hearted Choi Minho.

But right now, Kibum is dying to see Jonghyun and Jinki. Kibum has only ever seen an epic kind of love in books, films, and musicals, _obviously_. Until he witnessed Jjong and Jinki’s romance. There’s a line from Shakespeare’s _As You Like It_ that comes to his mind every time Kibum sees the couple:

_The sight of lovers feedeth those in love_.

Kibum thinks that no matter what state his heart is in, as someone who knows and understands love, seeing Jonghyun and Jinki together is sustenance. And if it’s inspiration that Kibum needs in approaching Taemin, seeing the couple together again is his best shot at finding it.

\--

It is Haru who breaks the kiss, which will definitely go down in her dating history ( _or in her and Taemin’s case, pseudo-dating_ ) as the most awkward kiss. And what’s even more amusing to Haru is how guilty Taemin looked when she pulled away.

“Haru-chan, I’m… I’m sorry. I--“

“Don’t worry about it, Taemin. I’m not upset. That was—“ Haru started snorting until she finally breaks into laugher, which escalates when she sees the look of relief on Taemin’s face.

“Oh my god, that was bad, Taemin! I suppose New Year’s kiss is out of the question. I’m glad we didn’t wait until midnight. That would’ve ruined our whole year!”

“Thank you for being a good sport about this. I’m sorry if you think I wasted your time. I have no regrets because you’ve become one of my dearest friends, Haru-chan.”

“I’m not really surprised, Taemin. But I like you a lot so I owe it to myself to give it a shot, right?”

“Wait… You’re not surprised?”

Haru looks away because Taemin’s puzzled face is one of the most adorable faces he makes. She knows that she has to start getting over Taemin this very instant so she wouldn’t welcome the New Year with her heart in pieces. But Haru realizes that wouldn’t be the case because somehow, in her heart of hearts, she knew. She has always known that Taemin’s heart irrevocably belongs to someone else.

“Remember the night we went drinking at Caligari in Itaewon? You ended up so drunk that you had to use my bathroom when you were supposed to just drop me off at the hotel. You passed out on my couch after throwing up in the sink so you ended up spending the night. I wiped you clean with a hand towel and put you in a robe. When I was done and about to get up, you grabbed my wrist and told me something. You said, _Thank you. I love you…_ ”

“I said that? I’m sorry. I was--“ 

“I’m not done, Taemin. When you said those three words, my heart literally skipped a beat. Then you said it again, but you said more…”

_“…No one has ever taken care of me like you have. Thank you. I love you… hyung_.”

“After that, I still hoped that your feelings would change over time, especially that _your hyung_ seems to be dating someone. But I cannot fault you for this, Taemin. You love him and that is that. Even if we’ve spent a lot of time together, you never led me on. You didn’t take advantage of me, considering how much I’ve made myself available to you. So how can I hate you? I’d hate it if I lose a friend like you. Anyway, come on, let’s go inside. Let’s party and wish for a better year for us.”

\--

“Kibum, I know you and my hunny bunny are best friends and you missed him, but you’ve been holding him for minutes and now I miss him.”

“ _Pfft_. I’m still upset that you didn’t tell me that Jinki was discharged two days ago. That’s why you abandoned us at Intercon after our last recording day. You were going to meet him early morning the next day.”

“I’m sorry, Kibummie. Jinks and I needed some alone time so I took him to Sokcho since it’s near the DMZ. We spent the night at Kensington, which has a beautiful view of the Seorak Mountains.”

“Don’t be mad at Jjong, Bummie. I’ll tell you something, but don’t scream. We’ll announce it later before the New Year’s countdown— Jjong proposed to me the next day at sunrise and I said yes.”

“Oh my god!” Kibum claps a hand over his mouth and resorts to crushing Jonghyun and Jinki with his arms.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s a group hug so I’m going in!” Minho exclaims. Fortunately for Minho, his long arms and relatively bigger frame enable him to fit Kibum, Jonghyun, and Jinki in his embrace.

Taemin stumbles into the periphery as he was looking for Jonghyun and Jinki. Seeing the affectionate display before him, Taemin cannot help but envy Minho. _That should’ve been me_. Jonghyun, Jinki, Kibum and he were quite the foursome when they toured the world together. Nevertheless, when he sees Minho smiling at him, Taemin finds himself returning the smile. After the emotional rollercoaster of a night that he spent with Kibum, Taemin is glad to see Kibum looking happy. And he knows that Minho is partially, if not completely responsible for it.

Minho, on the other hand, is reminded of his mission tonight when he sees Taemin. While Kibum’s eyes zeroed in on the kiss when he saw Taemin with Haru, Minho’s focus was on Taemin. For Minho, the way Taemin wasn’t leaning into the kiss and kept his eyes open were clear indicators of how he felt about the kiss, about Haru. And all the times Minho observed Taemin around Kibum, he is willing to have his soccer legs cut off if the boy isn’t in love with Kibum.

Minho lets go of the three friends, who continue hugging, and grabs his phone from his pocket.

“Suho. Hey buddy, I’m already here at Kloud. Is Jongin coming too?”

\--

“Hello everyone. Thank you for coming tonight. Some of our friends couldn’t be here because they’re welcoming the New Year with their families. But I’m really happy because most of you here are more like family to us than friends. Anyway, we’re also celebrating Jinki’s return from the army. Hunny bunny, do you want to say something?”

“Hi guys. Thank you for gracing this occasion. Jjong and I are thrilled to welcome the New Year with all of you. But before that, we want to share with you the good news that we’re engaged!”

Jonghyun’s powerful voice cuts through the cheers of everyone.

“Just like that, Jinks? So straightforward. I thought you were going to make the announcement a little more dramatic! I guess I’m the drama queen between us.” Jonghyun pauses as their friends laugh at his remark.

“Well, we’ll be having our countdown in five minutes, so let’s dance to this song before we welcome the New Year. Jinki and I are going to sing for you all. This song is called Y.O.U or _Year of Us_. May this year be a great year for all of us. A year of us.”

Minho turns to Kibum.

“Come on. My girlfriend said you’re the only one I’m allowed to dance with. But no kissing, okay?”

“As if! You know I’m allergic to alpha males.”

Minho and Kibum both laugh as they link arms going to the dancefloor.

Haru sees Taemin follow them with his eyes so she grabs his hand and gestures for him to dance with her.

_Nothing can stop me from loving you, you, you…_

The line resonates in both Kibum and Taemin’s heads. It is no longer within their power to stop loving the person who’s presently near them but dancing with someone else. _Someone he’s going to have his New Year’s kiss with_. Their spirits sink at the thought.

Taemin snaps out of this thoughts when someone taps him on the shoulder. It’s Jongin.

“Taeminah, my precious best friend, how about giving me a late Christmas present and an early birthday gift? Let me dance with this goddess.” And to Haru, “Noona, I’m a big fan of yours. I’ve always envied Taemin for working with you. I’ve always wanted to dance with you. Will you grant me this wish?”

Haru glances at Taemin, who’s shaking his head and grinning at Jongin.

“Well, it looks like Taemin wouldn’t mind. Besides, it isn’t me whom he wants to kiss when the clock strikes twelve.” Haru winks at Taemin and extends her hand to Jongin, who surprises Haru by pulling her flush against him.

“Hmm, brave. And a bit shameless. I think I like you already.” Haru wraps her arms around Jongin’s neck since he already has his around her waist.

Taemin is chuckling at the scene before him when someone grabs him by the waist.

“My goal tonight is to dance with the prettiest one here. I’ve looked around and you’re the winner.”

“Heechul! Are you nuts? Let go of me.”

“Nope. You’re too pretty to welcome the New Year empty-handed. Don’t worry, Taemin, we won’t kiss. Unless you want to?”

“Ew. Shut up. Fine, I’ll dance with you, but if you try touching my bum, I’ll punch you harder than Jongin did.”

“Ouch. Why bring up the painful past? Ooh, speaking of the past...”

Taemin turns around to follow Heechul’s gaze and sees Minho approaching them with a confused-looking Kibum in tow.

“On second thought, I’m feeling extra gay tonight and I want to dance with the most handsome man here. Besides, I’ve had enough Choi Siwon so I’d like to try a bit of Choi Minho. What do you say, Mr. Flaming Charisma?”

Kibum looks at Minho and is shocked that he is actually smirking and nodding at Heechul.

“Choi? What the hell?”

Minho pulls Kibum close to whisper into his ear. “Please don’t tell my girlfriend. I’m just doing this for you. Happy new year, Kibummie.”

Taemin and Kibum suddenly feel as though everyone in the room left with Minho and Heechul. It’s like seeing one’s lover at the airport after being apart for years… sight reduced to a tunnel vision and all the noise from the crowd around them muted.

They come to their senses when Jonghyun and Jinki’s passionate singing penetrate the sphere they were momentarily trapped in.

_Years will come and years will go_

_Joeun nal nappeun naldo_

_I’m yours… I’m yours_

Taemin takes a step towards Kibum and extends both his hands.

“Hyung, I’m so sorry for everything. Will you dance with me?”

“I can never say no to dancing with you, Taem.”

_‘Cause I love you, you, you…_

Taemin and Kibum end up with their arms around each other’s waist as they happily sway from side to side, feeling light from relief. Though the nature of their reconciliation remains unclear, the certainty that there is no resentment between them gets them in a celebratory mood for the first time this holiday season.

_Nothing can stop me from loving…_

The song ends and they hear Jonghyun start the countdown.

Kibum feels panicky all of a sudden because he badly wants Taemin to be his New Year’s kiss, but he doesn’t have the heart to hurt Haru. _But if Taemin wants to kiss me and not her, is it really my fault?_ _Why isn’t she even grabbing her man when the countdown has already begun!_

Taemin, on the other hand, wonders if he has the nerve to kiss Kibum. But then he looks at Kibum in front of him and realizes that kissing him is the first thing he wants to do for the year. If Minho ends up punching him—a terrifying prospect, actually, because of the size of the man’s fist—so be it.

_…Six!_

_Five!_

_Four!_

_Three!_

_Two!_

_One!_

_Happy New Year!_

Kibum remembers their first kiss— Taemin took him to the rooftop of the Burj Khalifa when they were in Dubai. Though it was terrifying for the acrophobic Kibum, the kiss squashed his fears and anxiety.

This time it is no different. Feeling Taemin’s lips pressing on his rids Kibum’s mind of every single thought that made him feel anxious earlier. The only difference is that there are actual fireworks now and not just the kind conjured by emotions, like what he experienced on the rooftop of the tallest building in the world.

As for Taemin, he wishes he could kiss Kibum longer than what is expected from a New Year’s kiss. But he knows it isn’t wise to welcome the year wrecking what good thing Kibum has with Minho. The man has been kind enough to allow this… perhaps to help Kibum heal since their last encounter hurt the latter. True enough, when Taemin opens his eyes he sees Minho looking at them from across the room, so he pulls away and mumbles an apology to Kibum.

Kibum smiles at Taemin to assure him that he understands what just happened between them. They fucked up their previous attempts at closure, not to mention that they actually fucked and made everything worse.

But this… This kiss is the closure they deserve, for they truly love each other. Only their love must take a different form now. And Kibum can honestly say that he welcomes it— He will take the love of a friend over his absence. As long as he can see Taemin smile at him, with him, or just smiling in general, Kibum will be happy. His desire to be more than Taemin’s friend can be satiated by memories of the time they were lovers. That should be enough.

\--

Taemin carefully puts down the box of matcha tiramisu cake he bought from Jiyugaoka on the passenger seat of his car and drives off to the nursing home. He wishes that Heekyung is in good spirits this New Year’s morning. Taemin enjoys the days when her appetite is healthy and she lets Taemin feed her pastries. It was a pleasant discovery that Heekyung is just like her son Kibum, who loves matcha.

No longer required to register as a visitor, Taemin heads straight to Heekyung’s room after greeting the staff at the lobby.

Taemin’s sneakers make a squeaking sound on the mahogany floor when he stops in front of Heekyung’s door. He hears the usual sound of conversing voices on TV, so Taemin turns the knob and steps inside the room, only to discover that those sounds weren’t from a random show Heekyung is watching.

“Taem.”

“Kibum-hyung! What are you doing here?”

“Uhm… I think I should be the one asking that question.”

“Ah, yes. Right. New Year’s Day. Family. I’m such an idiot.”

Kibum pulls his lips into his mouth so he’d end up snickering instead of laughing his head off.

“I… I just wanted to give this cake to Mrs. Kim and see how she’s doing.”

“You can call me _mother_ , Taemin.”

Taemin’s eyes widen in surprise at Heekyung’s remark. Kibum notices this and mouths ‘ _She’s lucid’_ at him.

Taemin is suddenly feeling nervous. The caregivers have told him that she has those rare lucid episodes, but this is the first time in all his visits that he is witnessing this. What’s even more unnerving is that Kibum is here for this interaction.

Sensing Taemin’s internal struggle, Kibum fake coughs and carries the chair from the coffee table across the room for Taemin to sit on.

“Taem, we didn’t really get the chance to talk last night at the party, but I wanted to thank you. I know about your visits.” Kibum is smiling so sweetly at Taemin that the latter continues having a hard time regaining control of his nerves.

“Don’t mention it, hyung. I enjoy spending time with Mrs. Ki… with _mother_. Besides, I know you would’ve been here all those times if you weren’t in Tokyo for work.”

Although Taemin manages to return the smile, Kibum enjoys watching him blush and fail in his attempts to look calm. Until the tables turn when Heekyung speaks…

“Thank you for everything, Taemin. I can understand why Kibum loves you very much.”

“Umma!”

Taemin, who has been staring at the floor, suddenly looks at Kibum. It is Kibum’s turn to stew in embarrassment.

“I’m just telling the truth, son. You tell me that all the time.”

“Umma, please stop! Taemin is… He’s happy now. I’m happy for him. He’s got a nice girl. She’s gorgeous and an amazing dancer like him. They’re going to make beautiful babies and--”

“Taemin…” Heekyung interrupts Kibum’s rambling, much to Taemin’s relief because he couldn’t believe that Kibum’s assumptions have brought him that far into Taemin’s future.

“…please take care of my son when I am gone.”

Kibum’s protests stop and silence fills the room.

“I’m serious, Taemin. I don’t know how much time I have left, but I’ll be happy to know that my Kibum will be in good hands. Please love him again.”

Taemin is anticipating a placated protest from Kibum, but the next thing he hears are muffled sobs. He cannot watch Kibum break down lest he will break too, so Taemin moves his chair closer to Heekyung and grabs her hands. She is waiting for his reply.

“No.”

Kibum stops sobbing when he hears Taemin’s answer. _I know he’s already with someone, but my mother practically told him her dying wish and he can’t even lie for her sake!_

Kibum stands up to drag Taemin outside so they can talk. He is afraid that his mother would get upset, or worse, relapse into dementia. However, Taemin is still holding her hands and he speaks again before Kibum could grab him.

“No. I can’t love him again.”

He’s been through a lot in the past few years, but it’s been a long time since Kibum last felt murderous. _Does Taemin really have to rub it in?_

“I mean… it’s because I never stopped loving Kibum.”

\--

The garden at the nursing home is Taemin’s favorite place in the whole estate. It is more rustic than manicured. He usually accompanies Heekyung for a walk in the garden, as one of her healthcare maintenance is going out for half an hour to be exposed to morning sun.

Taemin loves that the garden looks like a field of flowers on a random hill. There is no landscaping, pebbled delineations or pruned shrubs and bushes. There are just cleared pathways and benches to accommodate people in this piece of wild that Taemin finds beautiful.

Taemin leads Kibum to the garden, which he believes is the perfect place where they can talk in private. In his previous walks, Taemin has daydreamed more than once about bringing Kibum here, since the latter has an unprofessed yet very obvious love for flowers. And what Taemin has always seen as a beautiful place just doubled in splendor with Kibum now at the center of it.

Taemin remembers their excursion at Tiong Bahru where Kibum showed him exquisite paintings. Taemin usually favors monochromatic in his own aesthetic sense ( _how often has he been teased by people for his gazillion black and white striped tops?_ ), but he realizes he is happier with Kibum around and coloring his life in every way.

Jitters and unbridled thoughts carry them to the farthest area of the garden where they sit on a tiny wooden bench, leaving them with barely any space in between them. And with thick winter clothes on, they’re practically pressed together side by side… something that makes them feel warm in spite of being outdoors.

Kibum is still over the moon because of Taemin’s confession and decides to reward Taemin’s boldness by being the first one to speak.

“As much as I would like to be wrong, I assume that what you meant when you said you never stopped loving me is that you still love me as a hyung, a friend. That must be the case because… because you and Haru--”

“Are good friends. Just like you and Minho… which was something I just discovered last night. Jongin told me when he caught me watching you and Minho leaving the party together.”

_What’s with the long face, Taeminah? They’re just friends, you know._

“I wouldn’t have believed Jongin but Suho-hyung was there with him and confirmed it. I know Minho’s one of Suho’s best friends.”

“You thought I was with Minho? Like, dating him? Seriously?”

Now that Taemin's been asked this question by Kibum himself, he suddenly feels silly joining everyone in drawing that conclusion. Taemin knows Kibum better than those people, so how could he have missed the signs of a platonic relationship between Kibum and Minho? Besides, what kind of moron would allow their lover to kiss somebody else on New Year's Eve?

“I’m sorry, I was wrong. But so are you. I don’t love you like a hyung or a friend.”

Kibum doesn’t know how his heart can handle Taemin’s bold confessions this early in the morning. He’s starting to think that it is Taemin’s New Year’s resolution to give him a heart attack.

Self-consciously, Kibum wraps his coat tighter around his body, feeling something hard press against his chest from the inner breast pocket. He then remembers that he’s supposed to return something to Taemin. Kibum thanks the heavens for this diversion. He pulls the copy of _Great Expectations_ that Taemin accidentally left inside Heekyung’s room.

“Here, this is yours.”

Taking a cue from Taemin, who surprised Kibum back in Singapore with a peck on the cheek after he handed Taemin the same book, Kibum leans closer to Taemin and kisses him on his plump cheek. The aftermath is the same— they look away from each other to hide their reddening faces.

_Perhaps this is our year of courage. The year of us._

“Nothing can stop me from loving you, Lee Taemin.”

\--

For the first time in his life, Taemin feels nervous about joining his family for dinner at home. His hands are so shaky as he holds his presents for them that he decides to ring the doorbell instead of fishing the key out of his pocket.

For a moment, he is surprised at the assortment and proportions of dishes on the dining table. Until Taesun attacks him with a hug and an eardrum-shattering _Happy New Year!_ Taemin is then reminded of the main reason why he’s here and mentally scolds himself for being too anxious. New Year’s dinner is an important bonding time for their family so he must enjoy their company no matter what.

The truth is that Taemin wants to start the year right. Kissing Kibum at the stroke of midnight, walking in on a lucid Mrs. Kim, confessing his feelings to Kibum and hearing his hyung’s own confession— it feels like the universe is finally on his side. Taemin is not about to ask for more, but he feels like it is only right to do everything ‘properly’ this time. He is committing himself to something more lasting than a music career, so Taemin wants his family to be informed about it.

The dishes his mother and the cook prepared turned out as good as they look. Taemin sampled everything from appetizer to dessert. When he feels his stomach is about to burst, Taemin realizes that he has been stuffing himself with food in order to avoid talking, since he had decided earlier that he will speak with them after dinner. The mealtime conversation then felt like small talk to Taemin because he was just waiting for the party to be moved to the family den, where he plans to say his piece.

The moment Taemin’s been waiting for finally arrives; they are now lounging at the den. After his mother serves everyone a glass of wine, Taemin distributes his gifts: a Rolex watch for his father, a Cartier bangle for his mother, and the latest gaming console (with accessories for a staunch gamer) for Taesun. 

After his family fawns over their new treasures and thanks him, Taemin gets ready to address them. Surprisingly, he is no longer unnerved. In fact, he’s never felt so determined. This was how he felt when he auditioned at SM as an odd-looking skinny kid among older and more confident teens. It amazed him how he went from being filled with dread to being filled with determination when he finally faced the panel of executives.

“Appa, umma, hyung… there’s something I want to tell you, but please let me finish everything I have to say. If you interrupt me or if your rebuttal hurts me, I might not be able to continue. This is something very important to me-- I’m in love with someone.” His mother gasps in excitement.

“I’ve actually been in love with _him_ for quite some time now. Yes, it’s a man. His name is Kibum. You probably know him by his stage name, Key.”

Taemin sees the transition on his parents’ faces, from gleeful open mouths to indignant tight lips. Nevertheless, he boldly keeps his eyes on them as he continues his speech. He is not ashamed of how he feels.

“We've decided to be together because we love each other. I know you want me to marry a woman and have children someday, and it's something I can actually consider doing for you because I love you. But know that I will be living a miserable life if I do that. I know your stand on homosexuality, but please understand that nothing about my faith has changed. I believe in God, I pray every day, and I never inflict harm on anyone. My faith is my faith. And my love is my love.”

“I’ve given you not just what you needed but everything you wanted. I know I wanted all that I've accomplished as an artist, but these accomplishments are shared with other people. Kibum is all that I ever wanted for myself.”

“We went through a lot of difficult times, but now I finally have him and I’ve never been happier. All I'm asking from you, my family, is to allow this happiness to continue. I know that I caught you off guard, so please don’t respond right now. I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t want to have resentment towards any of you. Give yourselves time to process what I said and to learn to accept me completely and the man I love. I won’t rush you. Just know that I’m still the same Taeminnie who loves you and intends to keep his promise to take care of you.”

\--

Kibum cannot be happier redefining _going full circle_. He mistakenly thought that its personal definition for him is going back to watching videos on YouTube just to see Taemin, like everyone else. But life is finally kinder to Kim Kibum and being back at The Peninsula in Tokyo with Taemin is the full circle he thought he could only dream of.

Kibum thinks a naked Taemin sleeping with his torso sprawled across Kibum’s thighs is the best sight he has ever woken up to. The intricate sleeping position they are in this morning tells Kibum that they both crashed out of exhaustion after a night of lovemaking and, during the latter part, acrobatic fucking.

Taemin stirs and Kibum realizes seeing him awake is even more blissful. The boy shines brighter than the sun when he smiles, like what he’s doing now as he turns over and lies on his back, still on Kibum’s thighs. Kibum is glad he has a blanket covering his lap, considering the proximity of Taemin’s head to his crotch.

The couple agreed to be naked for the duration of their stay at the hotel. No robes or any article of clothing for cover. They were delirious with joy last night and decided that it’s only right that they spend a ‘naked weekend’ together to make up for the time they didn’t touch or even see each other.

But with the daylight spilled over the entire room, Kibum suddenly feels bashful about parading his nakedness in front of Taemin. He wants to go to the bathroom to relieve himself but hesitates when he moves to get up because both Taemin and the blanket are starting to slide off his lap. 

Taemin doesn’t notice Kibum’s reluctance to move. He stretches and reaches for Kibum’s hand, which he places on his chest.

“Miss Seok and the other execs are going to kill us for staying behind and booking this room for another night.” Taemin’s smirk convinces Kibum that he’s more thrilled than worried about Miss Seok’s possible outburst.

They flew to Tokyo to shoot the music video of _You and I_ at The Peninsula. Kibum’s scenes were shot at _Peter: the Bar_ , while Taemin’s were shot inside the hotel room. They both acted out being alone and desolate while singing their parts. Although it is a love song and a duet, the MV did not explicitly feature them as lovers pining for each other.

The MV director, Jae, easily picked up on their relationship but he knows the Korean audience isn’t ready to see the song portrayed in the context of love between two men. They may enjoy shipping idols and witnessing skinship, but it is a different story when these fancies cross over from fantasy to reality. Nevertheless, Jae is glad that Kibum and Taemin are actually together; _You & I_ had been his easiest and most fulfilling MV shoot. Each scene was pulled off in a single take, and the couple brought raw emotions into their scenes.

For Kibum and Taemin, it was actually just a matter of drawing pain from recent memories. They recalled how painful it was to record the song and to sleep together afterwards with messed up perspectives on their act of intimacy. 

It took them a moment to settle their emotions after each scene was shot. But even if it hurt to relive those memories, Kibum and Taemin are already happy about how the music video will turn out because those were honest emotions. They can only hope that the management will be happy with it too and make their bosses less offended at them. 

“Well, at least this wasn’t a planned trip. We were sent here for business and we merely made the most of our time here. We’ll apologize for extending our stay for a bit.”

Taemin sneaks a hand under the blanket, seeking something of Kibum’s that he wants to touch. Kibum grabs his hand before it could reach his dick.

“Taemin, I have to pee. Can I take this blanket?”

“Nope. We had a deal, hyung. No covering anything. Besides, I want to watch you walk around in this room displaying your cute bare ass. Speaking of which, I’m still sore so it’s my turn to fill you up.”

“Fine!” Kibum is torn between sprinting across the large room going to the bathroom or walking there leisurely and giving Taemin a show. He turns around to see Taemin staring at him, and the hungry look on the latter’s face turns him on and burns his shyness into smoke. He wants to look good for his lover.

Kibum practically sashays the short distance from the bed to the bathroom, the morning rays landing magnificently on his flawless fair skin. The sight wakes every sinew in Taemin’s body and excites him about topping Kibum all morning. He wonders if he wants Kibum’s ass up in the air for him to knead and spank as Taemin takes him from behind, or if he prefers that fine ass nestled between Taemin’s balls and the linen sheets as he pounds Kibum into the mattress.

Neither happens because, in his impatience, Taemin ends up following Kibum to the bathroom and fucking him in the shower. Taemin cannot complain, though, because nothing is more satisfying than being pressed against a very wet and yet warm Kibum and having lukewarm shower water washing drool and cum down their naked bodies. 

\--

“Taemin, what if your parents never approve of us? Can you really live with their disappointment weighing down on you?”

Kibum and Taemin are on the bed, lying sideways and facing each other. Still naked.

“It's going to be a weight, yes, but it won't be heavy as long as I have you. I lived my life being their pride and joy, but it didn't do anything for the misery I felt when I had to stay away from you.”

“But if one day you end up desiring to have kids of your own, you can have have that, okay? I won't get in your way."

"What do you mean? Leave you and marry a woman? Like what my parents are surely wishing I would eventually do? No way. Taesun can give them the grandkids they so want. Besides, I couldn't even take care of my dog Adam. Taesun had to do it.”

“Because you didn’t have time to take care of him?”

“That, and I’m actually pretty bad at it. One time I went to the grocery store to buy dog food. You know, the dry kind. Pellets or something.”

“Kibble.”

“Yeah, kibble. Anyway, there were so many different brands. I tried reading the stuff written on the bags but it was a lot! Different flavors and mentions of what they’re good for, like for the coat or for muscle development. I will end up spending the whole day going through those. So in the end I bought ten large bags of Cheetos for Adam."

“Oh my god.” Kibum ends up on his back laughing.

“The vet doctor scolded me when I told him I fed Adam Cheetos for a whole week because he likes it. He said I should just let someone else at home take care of my dog. What a snoot.” 

Kibum’s uncontrollable laughter hurts his stomach so he ends up sighing loudly while catching his breath.

“I think my favorite thing about you is that you’re so funny and you’re not even trying to be funny. Anyway, don’t worry, Taem. I’m good at taking care of people and animals.”

“Don’t I know it! That’s my favorite thing about you, hyung.”

“Not my romanticism?”

“Hmm… I can beat you at that.”

“Getting cocky, aren’t we?”

“I would not wish any companion in the world but you.”

“Aww, Taem… you are so sweet.”

"That's Shakespeare."

"Really? Woah, you're actually Shakespeare-ing me! Without me realizing it! I don't remember that line. Which work is it from?"

"Tempest"

"Wow, Lee Taemin."

"Don't be so impressed, hyung. I googled ‘quotes from Shakespeare’ a long time ago and that was the only line I easily understood so I memorized it".

Kibum feels his fondness for Taemin overflow so he attacks the latter’s neck with kisses to suppress it a little. He admits that he is scared of this happiness. Kibum has lived through so many painful changes that it seems like a pipe dream to have this kind of happiness as a constant in his life. But like the poets and playwrights he so loves, Kibum will love all the way. _Against reason_.

Kibum stops his playful pecks and looks intently at Taemin, who is breathing heavily after a bout of giggles.

“If the poet Keats has his _Bright Star_ , pop idol Key has his Superstar.”

“Hyung, I am just Lee Taemin.”

Taemin cups Kibum’s face and kisses his lips as though it is dripping with honey. 

Kibum pulls away to catch his breath and to settle himself more snugly in between Taemin’s long legs.

“Lee Taemin or Superstar, I still don’t know how to love you. But it doesn’t bother me anymore. All that matters is that I do.”

## END ##


	35. 35 NEVER GONNA DANCE AGAIN (EPILOGUE)

**35 NEVER GONNA DANCE AGAIN (EPILOGUE)**

_There’s no fight we cannot win_

_Just you and I, defying gravity_

_With you and I defying gravity_

_They’ll never bring us down_

  * Wicked



Kibum pats down the lapels of his coat and adjusts the cufflinks on his dress shirt, lost in thought, trying to remember if he had ever worn cufflinks in his life. It seems capricious, even for a stylish and accessories-obsessed person like him. But if he deems this item unnecessary, Kibum could only imagine what Taemin thinks of it. Taemin whose puzzled face was comical when he received Dior cufflinks as a birthday present from their management. Kibum chuckles at the memory of Taemin’s furrowed brows and puckered lips when he unboxed the gift and studied it from all angles. Without any word, he just handed it to Kibum.

After everything they have been through, Kibum and Taemin find themselves in no need of words a lot of times. They’ve developed such a deep understanding of each other that glances, gestures, and even the other’s general aura for the day will suffice. It benefited their relationship greatly because Kibum has the tendency to say too much to the point of sounding overbearing, while Taemin tends to say too little that he comes off as indifferent. But whatever lack or inadequacy there is in their communication as a couple, their touches more than make up for it. In fact, they are so addicted to touching each other that they struggle to abstain from it in public.

Nevertheless, there is something magical about the way they touch each other and move together that people around them cannot help but stare at them. This is why it was suggested by colleagues and fans that they collaborate as a duo or a unit and release an album. But before the pitch could blossom into a full-blown proposal, the executives shot it down out of fear of a scandal.

“Kibummie, are you ready?” Taemin is now all suited up too and Kibum thinks he could cry over how beautiful his man is. And what’s more devastating is that in spite of Taemin’s lifelong dwelling in the spotlight, he still looks shy and almost bereft of confidence when he’s not on stage.

Taemin is buttoning the sleeves of his black blazer when it briefly crossed Kibum’s mind to prank his boyfriend by getting him cufflinks for Christmas.

_Christmas!_ Kibum cannot believe that the year is about to end. Wasn’t it just yesterday when he and Taemin welcomed the New Year with a kiss at the Mercure as Jonghyun and Jinki sang the words _Nothing can stop me from loving you_? And that grand moment necessitated the alliance of Minho, Haru, Heechul, and Jongin for it to happen.

But on second thought, the year didn’t actually breeze through; so much has happened that it’s hard to believe that all of those events took place in just a single year…

~~~

The music video of their song “You and I” was released for SM Station on Valentine’s Day. Although it drew speculations about Taemin and Kibum being more than just friends, the management decided to sweep it under the rug, thanks to the song’s commercial success. It also received positive reviews not just for the music and performance but for the audacity on the part of SM to release a tragic love song on Valentine’s ( _it was actually Kibum’s idea_ ). The public lauded the move, believing that the new reality is that Valentine’s is just as much for lovers as it is for single people and that nothing is more true than love bringing pain and desolation.

At the beginning of spring and with the blessing of both families, Minho formally proposed to his longtime girlfriend Chanmi. Although Kibum had planned to go to war with SM if they drop Minho for this, he was relieved ( _and stunned_ ) that the executives took it in stride. But Kibum understood the peaceful reception when Minho explained to him that he had been accepted in the marines so his temporary inactivity in show business will give his fans time to process and accept this development in his personal life. Minho is entering a new season in his life, which he is absolutely thrilled about, and Kibum can only be happy for his best friend ( _he has informed Jinki that he has two best friends now_ ).

Speaking of Kibum’s best friends, Jinki and Jonghyun had a June wedding in Taipei. It was the most beautiful wedding Kibum has ever witnessed. As Jinki waited by the altar, Jonghyun walked down the aisle with a guitar, singing a new song he wrote called _Hallelujah_. Jinki looked like an angel wearing an all-white evening suit, the coattail complementing his great figure, which is often concealed by his childish choice of clothes. It was also perfect for Jinki’s performance during reception wherein he wowed the guests with his rendition of Puccini’s _Nessun dorma_.

Jonghyun, on the other hand, looked very handsome in a suit of a shade in between mint and turquoise (which Kibum later found out, from the designer, is called pearl aqua). It highlighted his caramel complexion and brilliant smile, which he cannot help flashing all day.

Taemin sang _Truth_ after the couple’s exchange of vows. By that time, Kibum was bawling his eyes out, taking a gargantuan willpower on Taemin’s part to keep himself from bursting into laughter. He finds it utterly cute when his elegant boyfriend-hyung loses his composure.

Kibum thanked the heavens that he and Taemin found each other and that they went to the wedding together because everyone in attendance ended up lovesick one way or another.

Jongin and Heechul attended the wedding, but not as a couple, of course. Heechul came with his girlfriend, Momo. In spite of his reputation as a player, Heechul surprised everyone with the devotion he’s shown Momo for the past six months.

As for Jongin, he and Haru never hooked up or anything of the sort after New Year’s Eve but they did end up as good friends. Haru hangs out with Jongin and Taemin whenever she came to Seoul. But Jongin came to the wedding with a plus one— Mark Lee, a friend of Kibum’s from New York who moved back to Seoul in January. Jongin and Mark didn’t hit it off right away because the latter is younger and too westernized for Jongin’s taste. But as they often ended up third & fourth wheeling for Kibum and Taemin, the dinners they go to with the couple soon became double dates. Taemin was a bit worried at first because Jongin has a penchant for whirlwind romances. But when his best friend told him that he’s spending the Christmas season with Mark and family in Canada, Taemin realized it’s for keeps. 

After Jinki and Jonghyun’s honeymoon in Tuscany, the latter returned to work and formally opened his own music studio. SM allowed him to be a trainer and producer for independent artists as long as he manages his schedules and projects so as not to compromise his commitment to SM.

Going through the slew of record demos was an adventure for Jonghyun and Jinki, who is also Jjong’s managing partner. One particular ‘adventure’ was listening to an unremarkable demo from a wannabe DJ/singer/rapper, who turns out to be someone they know from the not-so-distant past. It isn’t the painful mediocrity of the demo that got their attention ( _they’ve encountered quite a number_ ) but it’s the cover letter that came with it. It says there that Jonghyun owes him for the breakdown of his career in dancing, that he would have risen from the ranks of backup dancers with his exceptional looks and talent if not for SM’s cruelty, and that he is willing to forgive and forget as long as Jjong supports his new career. Jjong doesn’t know if it’s just the sordid memories but he thinks the guy looks even more smug now in his ‘homemade’ music video. He may have dyed his hair blonde and changed his name to Chaejin, but in the eyes of Jjong and Jinki, Jinchae will always be the slimy bastard who tried to ruin Taemin and Kibum. The demo and the letter ended up as the first occupants of the stylish automatic sensor dustbin that Jinki purchased for their studio/office, which the newlyweds have been excitedly furnishing and decorating as if they were going to live there.

Jonghyun’s music studio became so successful in no time that they had to hire staff to assist them. The triumph of this endeavor also became a leverage for Jonghyun in protecting Taemin and Kibum’s relationship.

When Taemin moved to an apartment adjacent to Kibum’s, the executives vehemently warned them against coming out and revealing their relationship to the world. During the meeting the management called, the couple explained that they have no such plans since they consider their private lives, well, private. But in the same breath they say that they are not going to hide their affection for each other like it’s a disease. They will neither confirm nor deny their relationship but they won’t be living like escaped convicts. When Miss Seok insisted on having Taemin return to his apartment in the compound owned by SM and scrapping Jonghyun’s plan to write a new song for Kibum and Taemin to record together, Taemin said his piece.

“Miss Seok, when Kibum and I decided to commit to each other, we anticipated this. So we discussed the matter with Jonghyun-hyung and his husband and we’ve come up with a plan that we will be forced to execute should the management insist on running our lives for us when you should only be managing our careers.”

“My contract with SM has no _non-compete clause_ ,” Jonghyun adds. “According to the lawyer we consulted, this means that if I resign I can engage in a business that is in direct competition to yours. I already have a studio and I’m happy working with independent artists. You know that music is my passion more than anything and I never cared about going mainstream. But if SM continues to be oppressive towards its artists, my husband and I are willing to open the doors of our studio to Taemin and Kibum, who have told us that they are considering not renewing their contracts and signing under Sun and Moon Records instead. Woah, I just realized we’re SM too, Sun and Moon! Funny.”

Kibum made his own unrehearsed speech. “Do you have any idea how many artists would follow suit? Aside from the huge amount of respect they have for Jonghyun and their faith in his company, our friends will be titillated by the idea of sharing their artistry to the world while having the freedom to live their lives as they would want to. Please don’t think we’re threatening you. We’re saying these things in good faith. We are just exercising our rights. We may be abiding by your rules right now but only until our contracts end, which is in the first quarter of next year.”

Since Lee Sooman’s gaze was fixed on Taemin, who felt that this confirms his suspicion that the big boss is mainly concerned about Taemin’s spot in his empire—or more of a throne than a spot since everyone knows he’s practically SME’s crown prince—Taemin decided to have the last say.

“Kibum is right. We are not making any kind of threat here. This is more of an appeal for you to treat us better. I have a comeback album to be released soon, _Never Gonna Dance Again_. The concept I had for this was me breaking away from the Taemin that was and emerging as the Taemin I am now. The title alludes to me never going to dance again for the forces that make up a life lived in the limelight or dancing for everyone else but myself. But if this is the end of the road for us, then it’s me never gonna be dancing again for SM.”

Kibum grabbed Taemin’s hand and they linked their fingers under the conference table. Jonghyun beamed at them, relived that he is able to keep himself from bursting into tears.

~~~

Kibum’s eyes mist as he looks back at what he considers as the year’s ‘glory moments’. All of it he had shared with Taemin.

But it has not been all romance and music for them.

~~~

Taemin usually spends Sundays with his family but it gradually grew less frequent, until it became a once-a-month affair. It isn’t what Taemin had wanted but it’s the only way he could sustain amicable ties with his parents, who started resorting to silly antics like inviting friends over when Taemin is home— friends that ‘coincidentally’ have a pretty daughter with no dinner plans. It was amusing at first, until they started criticizing Kibum when they realized that none of the daughters caught Taemin’s attention. First, it was how gaudily Kibum dresses sometimes or how loud and brash he is in speech compared to their soft-spoken son. Taemin never shows them any kind of hostility but there was one time he walked out in the middle of dinner when his mother made comments about Kibum’s questionable upbringing, which she attributed to his dysfunctional family.

Since then, Taemin limited his visits to the last Sunday of each month. In spite of the delicious dishes they share, their dinners became a stale exchange of pleasantries. Taemin remained respectful and even asks them every time he’s there if they have needs or wants that he needs to finance. But it was clear to his parents that if they don’t want Taemin to cut ties with them, they would have to keep mum about the subject of Kibum.

Fortunately, Taesun keeps those dinners from becoming nothing but an obligation to Taemin. They usually enjoy their post-dinner beer while playing video games, and Taesun never fails to ask Taemin about Kibum and how things are going for them. At least there’s someone in the family with whom Taemin can happily share his and Kibum’s adventures together. Taesun loves Kibum because he has always felt that Taemin deserves something more out of life with all that he’s done and sacrificed, and seeing his brother glowing outside of a concert venue just by merely talking about Kibum is something Taesun is grateful for.

Sometimes Kibum would ask Taemin to humor him and show him pictures of the daughters from the dinner photos Mrs. Lee religiously posts on her private Instagram account. It’s also meant to satisfy Kibum’s curiosity, but there are times when it gets him in a somber mood to think how those girls would’ve looked picture perfect with Taemin and how his ridiculously good-looking boyfriend could actually sire beautiful children. It isn’t insecurity on Kibum’s part; he acknowledges that loving someone deeply comes with a desire to see them live their best life, so he sometimes wonder if Taemin is able to do so with him. It’s a question that sometimes weighs down on Kibum as he sips his red wine before going to bed, after getting a _good night_ text from Taemin, who is still with Taesun in their family home. The brothers usually bond until the wee hours of the morning.

But these thoughts never stay a burden for too long because most of the time Taemin decides to spend the night at Kibum’s place after their family dinner. The way Taemin crawls under the covers behind Kibum, whom he thinks is already asleep, and holds him tight in his arms gives Kibum the assurance that this is what Taemin absolutely wants. So despite the sadness he feels over Taemin’s volatile situation at home, Kibum will never overlook Taemin’s choice. How can he when, albeit with a shaky voice, Taemin sounds certain when he whispers ‘ _I love you, Kibum, sweet dreams of us’_ before planting a gentle kiss on the back of his neck and joining him in slumber.

~~~

“Kibummie, are you ready?” Taemin repeats himself, looking very worried so Kibum must have spaced out too long.

“Yes, I am. Let’s go. Let’s not keep everyone waiting. By the way, you look so handsome, Taem.”

“So do you, my love.”

\--

Kibum cannot tell if it’s more comforting being around people since he can remain composed or if it’s more helpful when he’s alone because he can ugly-cry out his despair. But Kibum realizes after Jonghyun and Jinki left ( _they stayed a bit longer than the others_ ) that there is nothing in the world that can diminish the pain of losing a parent. How do you say goodbye to the person you’ve known since you developed the capability of knowing anyone or anything and loved even before comprehending what love is?

Nevertheless, Kibum is thankful for little things that seem inconsequential at this time but actually bring comfort, like having managed to get a hold of all his mother’s favorite flowers for her funeral. Taemin was helpful because he recalls how the flowers that Heekyung paid most attention to during their garden excursions look like. They both noticed that she gravitated towards pink when her dementia got worse. Taemin tells Kibum that it’s because it’s the latter’s favorite color. Taemin remembers Heekyung pointing at every pink flower she saw in the garden while chanting “nae adeul _”_ ( _my son_ ).

Kibum wonders how he can amass these little things in order to keep himself from breaking. But even with his determination to solider on, he finds himself on the dangerous path of reevaluating his relationship with Taemin. He loves Taemin with every fiber of his being and he will never entertain the thought of leaving him, but Heekyung’s passing convinces Kibum that the most foolish thing you can do when loving someone is to believe that you have that person forever.

It is just him and Taemin now on the burial ground. Last night Kibum already told Taemin that he will not be making any kind of parting speech before Heekyung’s grave because he believes that she is always with him and he can talk to her any time. However, it still feels like his mind and heart, body and soul are screaming _goodbye_.

Kibum has always known Taemin as a man of few words. He’s never confrontational and he requires persuasion before he completely expresses his feelings. So right now Kibum feels sorry for his boyfriend, for it must be difficult for Taemin to bear the responsibility of consoling Kibum. He hasn’t spoken since their best friends left but he continues to hold Kibum. Taemin holds him through his quiet sobs.

So Kibum is stunned for a second when he hears Taemin speak. “Hyung, I know that words are powerless at this point. But I love you and I know that love can never be powerless.”

“I love you too, Taemin. Thank you for loving my mother as well. She had two sons during her final moments on earth. You filled in the gaps when I had work, and I saw that you made her happy. Right now, you don’t need to worry about trying to comfort me. Your presence has been enough. I don’t know how to thank you for staying with me at the funeral parlor for three straight days. I’m sorry you got stuck with me because you’re my boyfriend and I don’t have a family anymore.”

“Sssshhh, Kibum, please. Listen to me. I’m your family now. And since I’m your only family left, I’m taking you home with me. From now on, there won’t be a day when you’ll wake up alone.”

Kibum’s breath hitches as images of infinite mornings with Taemin fill his head. _It cannot be possible, right?_ If there is one word that has been prevalent in Kibum’s life, it’s _goodbye_.

Although Taemin speaks just a line or two, those words always find their way to Kibum’s heart. So even if he has a word factory of a brain, Kibum finally allows his heart to speak over his mind—

_Taemin is my family. He is my home. I have him for a lifetime._

\--

Kibum does end up surprising Taemin for Christmas. Not with cufflinks, though.

But Kibum doesn’t understand why Taemin won’t stop snickering. He seems to love Kibum’s gift a.k.a. their new bundle of fluff a.k.a. the black poodle they have yet to name.

“Taemin, what is so funny? Are you high or something? Our new baby is cute, so why the hell are you laughing non-stop?”

“Hyung, it’s just that— I got you a gift too. It’s inside our bedroom. You’ll know why when you see it.”

Kibum, who’s slumped on the carpeted living room floor, immediately jumps up and runs to their bedroom.

The second he opens the door, a brown poodle leaps from the bed and rushes towards him. Kibum bundles the puppy in his arms and sniffs-kisses its head. It is the best Christmas morning of his life.

“I can’t believe we got each other a poodle!” Kibum joins his boyfriend in the living room. Now he’s the one who cannot stop laughing.

It only takes the poodles a few seconds of sniffing each other’s bum before they start running around and playing like they’re the best pup pals in the world.

“Hyung, there’s something I need to tell you,” Taemin says while looking so nervous that Kibum’s smile retreats.

“What is it?”

“Uhm… well… when I brought the dog home earlier this morning, I kept him inside our basement closet so you wouldn’t see him. When I went back to move him to our bedroom, I saw that he… played with one of your shoes.”

“Which one? Is it salvageable?”

“Your favorite Comme des Garcons sneakers. And no, it isn’t. He completely annihilated it.”

To Taemin’s surprise, Kibum bursts into laughter and picks up the brown poodle.

“It’s your first time meeting your Daddy but you already destroyed one of his shoes! I think I’ll name you Commedes in honor of our memorable first meeting.”

Taemin then carries the black poodle that has started jumping in order to reach his new friend, who looks happily nested in Kibum’s arms.

“Come here, little buddy. We should call this little critter Garcons since it looks like they’re going to be inseparable.”

Kibum goes near Taemin and leans in for a kiss.

“Thank you, Taem. Merry Christmas. I love your gift and I love you.”

“Merry Christmas, hyung. Thank you for Garcons. I love you.”

They kiss again but not as long as they would’ve wanted because the puppies they’re carrying also lean in to lick at their faces.

His mother’s absence made Kibum anticipate a far from merry Christmas, so he inwardly gives thanks for this gift of joy. Kibum has been used to a family of one because of Heekyung’s failed marriages. It must have been a comfort for her to know that Kibum will have Taemin when she’s gone. He will be Kibum’s family of one.

Kibum is imagining her smiling and happily watching him, Taemin, and their babies. Their family managed to grow.

\--

The New Year kicked off with a campaign for UNICEF, which Jonghyun and Taemin gladly agreed to participate in. There’s no better way for them to start the year than with a gesture of goodwill.

Jonghyun wrote the song “An Encore” which he originally planned to have Kibum and Taemin sing. However, the three of them agreed that a duet is a bit awkward for a charity project. They decided to include Minho, who will be joining the Marines next month.

During their studio rehearsal, Jonghyun and Jinki provided backup vocals and did so exceedingly well that the three agreed that the song sounds better with all of them not just singing in unison but having individual parts too.

The executives were so impressed with the recorded track that they scheduled all five of them to perform the song live at the gala event SM is hosting.

After their performance in the said event, Lee Sooman invited Taemin, Minho, Kibum, Jonghyun, and Jinki to join him in the presidential table, forcing the other executives to move to another one. Though put off by this startling gesture, the executives know better than to make their ire obvious to the CEO himself.

During dinner, Sooman starts rambling to the boys how he’s been restless the previous year because he’s itching to do something groundbreaking for the company. SM is doing well but Sooman thinks this success is relative to a plateau. He wants to do something risky, something with music and art in mind more than charts and revenue.

“I think I want to form a group with all five of you in it. If you only saw what I saw up there, when the five of you were performing together, you will not find this suggestion strange. You literally shone on stage! Dazzling! And you weren’t even dancing! Now don’t turn this down right now. You’ll have plenty of time to think about it or prepare for it since Minho will be in the marines for 19 months. Taemin can still do his tour here and in Japan and Kibum can work on his comeback album. Jonghyun and Jinki can train people to run their studio when their schedule becomes hectic. I know I’m not a perfect CEO but they don’t call me _the visionary_ for nothing. Another thing— I don’t want a band that is packaged in such a way that the fans will treat the idols like boyfriends. I want you to be received as the artists that you are. Besides, by the time you debut as a group, it will be common knowledge that none of you is available for the taking. But that won’t be a hindrance since, one, you’re already famous, and two, having you all in one group would be too much for the fans to resist.”

When Sooman excuses himself to speak with the UNICEF people, Kibum turns to Taemin, whose smile he cannot seem to read.

“What do you think, Taem? We just started living together and now we have the chance to work together too? I’m happy but also scared. It seems too good to be true.”

“I’ll follow your lead, hyung. You know I’m always up for a challenge where my craft is concerned. As for it being too good to be true, I don’t know. I think I’ve conquered that concept when you loved me back.”

“You’re making me speechless, baby! And that’s unacceptable. How about I show you a _too good to be true_ time in bed tonight, superstar?”

Taemin chuckles and leans in to whisper something to Kibum.

“Not here, you two. We’re in public and there are media people around.” Jonghyun refills Taemin’s glass with the expensive scotch Sooman offered them to distract Taemin and Kibum and break their sultry gaze at each other.

“So, do you guys think we should do this?” Jonghyun asks before taking a sip from his almost full whiskey glass and squeezing Jinki’s hand, which is resting on his thigh.

After quite a long directionless discussion, which only proved that they are apprehensive about the risks but excited about the prospect of being in a band together, they agree on a rock-paper-scissors game. The loser will ultimately decide if they will go for it or not.

None of them knows that this silly hand game is how the five of them will decide on several matters on several occasions in the future as a band called SHINee. Nor that SHINee will become phenomenal.

“Kai bai bo!” 

## THE END ##

_In my life_

_I’m no longer alone_

_Now the love in my life is so near_

_Find me now_

_Find me here_

  * “Les Miserables”



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The conclusion to this fic. If you read Lee Taemin Superstar until the very end, I am so grateful. <3
> 
> First of all I want to apologize if it took me quite a while to finish the epilogue. Heekyung’s passing was triggering for me but I opted to stick to my original storyline. But as you might have noticed, it only covered a short portion of the epilogue because I was afraid that dragging the subject on might unleash my angst and in effect will make this part too heavy for the reader. I’m relieved that I was able to write/finish it but I hope that it didn’t come across as too “evasive”.
> 
> Once again, thank you for reading and for your patience. Thank you for taking an interest in the lives of the characters whom I’ve honestly grown attached to in the course of writing this. I hope that I didn’t offend anyone with my portrayal of any of the characters. Although the characters are based on real people, they are fictional. I hope that they’ve somehow brought you happiness or even just amusement.
> 
> I will continue my ongoing fic (in AFF) called Driving Mister Lee soon. I’m also planning to write a Taekey vampire fic. I’ve actually written the storyline but I realized it’s going to be chaptered too and quite tedious to do since it’s a fantasy au. It’s going to be a commitment to write but I will pursue it if it generates interest (I’m aware that Taekey isn’t a popular ship but they’re my otp forever haha).
> 
> Thank you for joining me in this journey. Don’t forget to leave comments. Long or short, it will be very much appreciated. I want to send my love to those who have been consistently leaving comments and encouragement. Special thanks also to my taekey-loving pals Liz, Alisha, Sandra, and Ruby. And also to Sherleigh, who is such an inspiration to writers of taekey fics. <3
> 
> By the way, don’t forget to support our superstar Taemin’s Never Gonna Dance Again album. I’m still high from the amazing Criminal MV and the songs in Act 1. Let’s make this comeback legendary for our king. <3
> 
> Please take care and keep safe. Keep SHINeeng!
> 
> Much love,
> 
> Hanna


End file.
